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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having to pick 11 yr old up from school

261 replies

Knitwit101 · 05/12/2018 11:44

Our school has a new head. Been there maybe a month. He has announced that in the winter all kids must be collected from school. I have an 11 yr old in p7 (Scotland) who has been walking home alone since p3. We are really near the school and he has only one road to cross, it has a crossing. This is a ridiculous rule, right? Surely an 11 yr old can walk maybe 4 minutes home alone if his parent says he can? It's not even nearly dark at 3.15pm.

To add to my irritation my 6 yr old finishes 20 minutes earlier. There is nowhere sheltered outside to wait and we are not allowed to wait in the school. There's no point walking home, sitting at home for 10 minutes then going back out again. So I am expected to stand outside (in weather and light that is unsuitable for 11 yr olds to be alone in) with my 6 yr old for 20 minutes to collect an 11 yr old who is perfectly capable of walking home alone.

I have complained, as have several other parents. The school have said that they are not making judgements about the capabilities and journeys of individual pupils, it's the same rule for everyone and that's that.
One parent refused to come and collect her dd. She was made to wait in school and her parent was called to collect her.

Yesterday I offered to 'collect' a bunch of kids and walk them to the school gate then let them go. So i basically collected every p7 kid then let them walk home like they usually do. I half thought the school would have phoned me this morning and complained about deliberate flouting of their policy but they haven't. Another parent is going to collect them all today and walk them round the corner out of sight.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous policy?

OP posts:
Wildheartsease · 05/12/2018 14:04

I seem to remember that accident stats are particularly bad for age 10/11 year olds. Is he reacting to this?

The trouble is that the reason the stats are bad for 10/11s is probably because it is the age when many more are starting to make their way home alone /be out and about unsupervised.

They have to start at some time and it is then that they are most vulnerable.

Two of my own school-friends died going home/going to school at ages 10 and 12 - so I do understand his concern. I'm just not sure that waiting another year or so would help much. They remain impulsive well into their 20s and are probably better at obeying rules at around 10 and 11.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/12/2018 14:08

Wildheart I think you're probably right and that most P6/7 parents want their child to practice these skills on a route they know, where lots of parents and children know them, before they move to secondary which may of course be pretty far away from their home. Which is incredibly sensible (although we are that rare breed whose secondary is closer/safer to walk to than primary, the principle still holds).

Original poster
Knitwit101 · 05/12/2018 14:11

I seem to remember that accident stats are particularly bad for age 10/11 year olds. Is he reacting to this

Possibly, but teaching my kids to be safe on the streets is my job, not his. That's why we chose to start early and small with them being allowed to walk from the classroom door to the gate by themselves, then to the lollipop man etc etc.

My 11 yr old is more that capable of getting himself home from school.

I have actually just drafted an email saying that I will not be collecting him. I will send it tomorrow morning because I want to have a chat with him first and explain that there's a chance he might have to sit in the office for a while. He's really cross about it too, he likes walking home with his friend, so I think he will be happy to be involved in a protest. I'm going to see if any other parents want to do the same.

OP posts:
BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 14:25

Our school allows children to walk home alone from year 5.
Your child would be fine walking the distance you describe but I imagine there must be other children who are being left to walk a long way alone in the dark. It is going dark before 4 o’clock here and I’m in England.
I can see why the head wouldn’t want to get into giving out permission to walk home on a pupil by pupil basis so in your position I’d just comply with the rule. Waiting 15 mins by the time you’ve got your younger child isn’t a great hardship. And it will do your child no harm to have to walk 4 mins with a few months until the lighter evenings.
Staging a protest about it is a bit silly I think.

ReflectentMonatomism · 05/12/2018 14:29

I can see why the head wouldn’t want to get into giving out permission to walk home on a pupil by pupil basis

And yet no-one on this thread has said "but my children's school has the same policy". Indeed, the OP's children's school already gave permission, which has now been rescinded. This "all children must be collected, the end" is one school, under one head. What does he know that every other school in the country doesn't?

RandomObject · 05/12/2018 14:29

Wow, kids are so mollycoddled these days. I walked to and from school and let myself in from about the age of 7. Older brother came home an hour later, parents a few hours after that.

ShesABelter · 05/12/2018 14:31

Absolutely stupid. It's p4 before our kids can walk home alone. P7 you want them to start getting a bit more independent for 1st year.

anniehm · 05/12/2018 14:31

Ridiculous, my DD's were at high school at 10 and took the city bus! They went alone to primary from 8, a 10 mins walk.

Boohissmiss · 05/12/2018 14:31

I agree with you BUmsex the head can’t really say the kids sensible enough to walk are allowed but wee Jimmy with learning difficultys isn’t sensible enough .

Nicknacky · 05/12/2018 14:32

Booh That’s for traffic control due to the number of kids, nothing to do with anything else.

racecardriver The school would not be liable at all.

Boohissmiss · 05/12/2018 14:33

Reflect I did mention our school is the same in that a parent needs to collect children off our school bus or the child gets returned to the school. Applys to everyone from p1 to p 7.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2018 14:34

I agree with you BUmsex the head can’t really say the kids sensible enough to walk are allowed but wee Jimmy with learning difficultys isn’t sensible enough

And learning difficulties go away at secondary?

No secondary school says their kids can't walk to and from. Many kids at 11 are getting on trains and buses. If there are going to he difficulties it's better to find out before they are on a bus with 50 other kids

Boohissmiss · 05/12/2018 14:36

Giles children in my area with severe learning difficultys get provided with taxis to and from high school but not to primary as the the parent is expected to accompany them .

anniehm · 05/12/2018 14:37

That said, our local university, yes university, has parents waiting outside! Yes I'm waiting but for my dh, I watch student after student jumping into cars driven by circa 50 year olds (students wear different coloured lanyards to staff!) mostly Asian parents, but that's due to them staying living at home more.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2018 14:38

Then heads need to approach individually.

No way would I pick up an 11 year old and stand in the rain with my youngest when I could go home and see them there .

No way.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 14:42

It’s not necessarily just about learning difficulties. There is a spectrum of common sense/sensible behaviour among 11yos and while some are walking a few minutes up the road others may be walking 30 mins or more.
Yes secondary kids will be walking/travelling alone but there needs to be a cut off somewhere. You could equally say if yr5s can walk alone why not year 4s and if year 4s then why not yr3s etc.
The head has clearly been made aware of an issue affecting a good proportion of the children and is trying to tackle it. It involves a very minor inconvenience to the op and I really wouldn’t be wanting to piss the new head off about it. Especially if her younger child is going to have a fair few years left at school.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/12/2018 14:46

The Head is treating the children like actual snowflakes that melt in the rain!

Severide08 · 05/12/2018 14:55

Is it so they dont get darked on . I am really grumpy today but that did make me laugh Grin.

Caxx · 05/12/2018 14:56

My son is in yr 6 and 11 the head has decided this year they are not even allowed to walk out of playground on their own until the summer term she is crazy obsessed with safety though won't even let kids on the play equipment

Severide08 · 05/12/2018 14:57

That said he is being ridiculous .My 11yr old has to catch the school bus to get to secondary as we are rural .She goes out and waits with the other kids ,so what is the difference .

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 05/12/2018 14:59

I’m with the Head on this one. I am sure OP and you and many of the pupils are capable of negotiating roads etc, or learning to,but there is quite a big minority who are too immature, too vulnerable and also go home to an empty house. We don’t know who those kids are, but I’d like to do something to help those kids and the Head sounds like he does too.

I think I’d be willing to pick up my kid, even if I thought he was ready, even if I knew me and most other parents were responsible, for those other kids.

Original poster
Knitwit101 · 05/12/2018 14:59

There is a spectrum of common sense/sensible behaviour among 11yos

Of course there is, which is why a blanket rule either way doesn't work. Surely parents should be able to decide what their kids are and are not capable of?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2018 15:01

bumsex

Most schools allow kids from yr 5 upwards to make their own way there and back.

You cant not let them because someone might suggest yr 3 is reasonable.

And there's no way that all 11 year olds should be stopped from.walking home from school when they are still allowed to walk to school because a few can't behave.

Sort them out.

Honestly. It's supoosed to get easier when they are older and more independent. Not cos you in chikd minder pick ups paying the full hour for a 4 min walk Hmm

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 05/12/2018 15:04

OP I think that blanket rules can be very powerful social tools though, for really what is a minor inconvenience to you. A Head saying that these kids need protecting by saying all kids need to be picked up is way more effective than trying to involve social services to ask if X kid who has to walk 30 mins without gloves on busy roads and doesn’t have road sense etc...

I’d think of you community as a whole and work with the Head on this one.

minionsrule · 05/12/2018 15:09

My DS is 13 now but has been able to come home on his own since age 10/11 with a key.
Last year there were a few incidents of kids being approached by a stranger asking if they wanted a lift home.
School spoke to all pupils about what to do uf that happened (go back to school office, not go home) and also made parents aware of it.
Your HT approach is bonkers unless their really is a serious and real threat in the area