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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little terrified of what's just happened

72 replies

Ency · 05/12/2018 03:00

I suddenly woke whilst breast feeding my 6 week old, when i checked the time it was 01.49. The thing that's scaring me is that I have no recollection of putting him on to feed - like total zero memory of him/me waking and getting him on for a feed. I'm genuinely quite concerned, it has genuinely scared me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Shriek · 05/12/2018 03:03

Was he lying next to your breast before this, co-sleeping?

Original poster
Ency · 05/12/2018 03:07

No, I'm too paranoid to co sleep, he's in a moses basket at night time. I was breast feeding, sitting up in bed with him lying across me on top of the Boppy cushion

OP posts:
Broken11Girl · 05/12/2018 03:09

Don't be scared. It's probably fairly automatic. You wouldn't remember getting up to go to the toilet and have a drink of water.

Shriek · 05/12/2018 03:10

I would be scared, yes, you sound to be so exhausted that you are not fully awake and have done this in your sleep.

You need to get a break and catch up on sleep. Do you catch up during the day when baby sleeps?

Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2018 03:10

Please don't worry. You're just tired. Everything was fine and your body just operated on autopilot.

Original poster
Ency · 05/12/2018 03:19

@Shriek I have had a couple of alright night's sleep (well alright for a 6 week old!). It's difficult to sleep in the day as he won't be put down for any reasonable period.

@Broken11Girl i have to be honest, I think I would remember going to the toilet or getting a drink of water

OP posts:
Mamaryllis · 05/12/2018 03:21

Did this loads with mine.
Also woke in a mad panic having remembered taking baby out of cot to feed and forgotten putting her back (ie thought I had fallen asleep while feeding)
So yep. It’s just regular old exhaustion. Can’t remember picking them up. Can’t temember putting them back.
It does get easier. But it’s a bit of a shock to realise. You just have to build in as much safety as you can, and be aware that you need to try and catch up whenever it’s safe to do so. (like leave baby with partner at 8pm, get them to do the next feed with expressed milk, and go to bed).

Original poster
Ency · 05/12/2018 03:30

@Mamaryllis that's reassuring. I don't feel exhausted and over the last few weeks have certainly been worse in terms of sleep deprivation however I totally accept this may be a cumulative effect. I will definitely try to get more sleep where I can and your expressing idea was something we were thinking too. I've got the pump ready to go, just wanted to get to 6 weeks to make sure breast feeding was established

OP posts:
ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 05/12/2018 03:37

I had this constantly when I was breastfeeding ds, I would ask my dh if he had brought ds into the bed with me (he was in a crib, then cot next to the bed.) I ended up co sleeping but safely, as in he was above the covers and I followed all advice. That way if I woke up to feed ds and I wasn’t properly awake then ds was safer.

Exhaustion could be playing a part but I think your body is just responding to your baby, Mother Nature at work if you will.

Eminybob · 05/12/2018 03:42

I think you’re just so tired that you function on auto pilot. For me it’s forgetting I’ve put him back in the Moses basket, so I’ll wake up in a panic that I’ve fallen asleep holding him, but actually he’s fine in his basket beside me.

ThePoliticiansPraiseMyName · 05/12/2018 03:51

This happened so often to me, and I also used to wake Dh in a panic crying that I couldn't find the baby - who until the commotion would be sleeping happily in their Moses basket 🤦🏽‍♀️. I ended up setting up to co sleep safely instead, at least then I knew I wouldn't accidentally drop them off the bed or under the covers. Hang in there.

Shriek · 05/12/2018 14:55

I think the same, whilst you are doing this build in extra sleep, and cosleep where there is less risk than trying to sleep walk!

It's the trying to move around while exhausted that's the risk, much more than co sleeping!(done properly)

Poodles1980 · 05/12/2018 14:57

Did something similar last week. Couldn’t remember getting up in the middle of the night to feed baby until my dh reminded me I had done it.

OohBabyBabeh · 05/12/2018 14:59

I'm co sleeping and the other night I woke up and my baby was on the other side of me... I have no idea how he got there but it scared me !
Our brains are incredibly clever and can navigate us to do the basic tasks without waking our conscious mind. Try to relax a bit Thanks

PeevedOfPortishead · 05/12/2018 15:00

I still get nightmares 10 years on from when this happened to me. I woke up and I'd fallen asleep sitting down. My enormous watermelon sized breasts had thankfully NOT suffocated my baby and he'd fallen asleep with his head back.

It was at that precise moment I decided to go down the formula route. I couldn't ever risk falling asleep and suffocating my own baby with my boob. It's rare, but it does happen.

I've never told anyone this happened to me - I am so embarrassed I put my baby's life at risk.

Spudlet · 05/12/2018 15:01

I used to wake up panicking that I'd fallen asleep with DS still attached! Actually I'd always put him back safely into his cosleeper, I was just so shattered I couldn't remember doing it.

A cosleeper was a lifesaver for us, DH and I weren't able to sleep with DS in the bed, but having him in a little extension on my side of the bed meant I could just lift him out without having to get up. We hired one for a few months, until he grew out of it.

MorningsEleven · 05/12/2018 15:04

I was so tired in the early weeks with DD1 that I tried to breastfeed the duvet. You're not alone, babies are fairly resilient and I bet you're doing a fantastic job.

Ohyesiam · 05/12/2018 15:05

I co slept ( safely) for years with mine, and latching them on in my sleep Must have happened most nights. My partner says I also checked they were covered in my sleep. I think it’s inbuilt.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 05/12/2018 15:08

My husband did this once with our DS, would go downstairs warm his bottle, feed wind and change him and have no recollection of doing it! It's lack of sleep and body on auto pilot

FestiveNut · 05/12/2018 15:09

You could try co-sleeping in the day? Then you have the whole bed to yourselves and don't have to worry about your partner squashing the baby and you can be further away. If you have a next to me or similar, put baby on the bed between you and the cot so you know baby can't fall off the bed.

BrieAndChilli · 05/12/2018 15:11

its a bit like when you park your car in a carpark you park in often - you come out and cant remember where you parked, or think you parked in a different bit.
you are on auto pilot especially when tired and you ae doing the same thing over and over.

rebelrosie12 · 05/12/2018 15:13

I did this too. Was advised to look into a safe co sleeping environment and switched to that. Far better to doze off in a safely prepared bed than in a chair and drop baby/ baby get stuck.

Xiaoxiong · 05/12/2018 15:15

I did this once when DS1 was tiny. After that we did the side-along cot co-sleeping following the Lullaby Trust guidelines, because statistically that's safer than falling asleep with the baby on the sofa or a chair.

Sleep deprivation though...it's amazing how it can numb your brain. I did the whole kettle in the fridge/milk on the hob thing too, threw my car keys in the bin, walked out the front door in the rain with one shoe on, all sorts of things...

Oneinthegrave · 05/12/2018 15:16

It’s definitely normal I wouldn’t worry. I still get this now (even though DS never co slept and is 16 months old sleeping through in his own room) where i wake up in the night panicking that i’m smothering him. Its strange. DP will turn over and i’ll shout the baby!

BishopBrennansArse · 05/12/2018 15:18

I was a bottle feeder and dropped off once. Split second but I know how scary that was. Hope you're ok.