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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a little terrified of what's just happened

72 replies

Ency · 05/12/2018 03:00

I suddenly woke whilst breast feeding my 6 week old, when i checked the time it was 01.49. The thing that's scaring me is that I have no recollection of putting him on to feed - like total zero memory of him/me waking and getting him on for a feed. I'm genuinely quite concerned, it has genuinely scared me. AIBU?

OP posts:

flapjackfairy · 06/12/2018 17:49

I did this on a regular basis and indeed still do stuff in my sleep now. I was a terrible sleepwalker as a kid and I have perfected the trick of carrying out all sorts of tasks in my sleep.
I have put children into bed with me, changed nappies etc as well as once putting my son in his pushchair to rock him to sleep. I strapped him in and everything. Also I have 2 children on tube feeds that are fed all night. I have regularly put feeds on and off etc which involves using a feeding pump !
It happens most commonly when I am exhausted and i have never had a disaster yet .

Cagliostro · 06/12/2018 17:50

Sympathies, I did that a few times and also put her back in bed without remembering only to panic later.

You may be better just cosleeping - deliberate bedsharing is safer than accidental. 💐

ReanimatedSGB · 06/12/2018 17:51

A friend of mine told me she was so sleep deprived she once spent about 10 minutes wondering why her baby wouldn't latch on... before realising she had the baby upside down and was in fact trying to get her nipple up her DD's bum...

greenpop21 · 06/12/2018 18:03

I remember waking up and realising I was feeding my DD lying down in bed. I was mortified that I'd fallen asleep but was so exhausted.

pollymere · 06/12/2018 18:13

You know when you leave the house and have no recollection of closing the front door, let alone locking it? Your memory doesn't retain stuff for more than a couple of seconds if it feels you don't need it. Don't fret, you've just done it half asleep and wiped the memory. I remember breastfeeding dd, but not every time! You should try and stay awake whilst feeding though so think of things you can do to stay awake and don't let them comfort feed (suckling rather than eating), otherwise you'll be there for an hour.

MarvellousMonsters · 06/12/2018 18:15

The only reason this might have been risky is because you were sitting up with a boppy cushion. If you get to grips with lying on your side to feed it’s actually much safer. Safe cosleeping is safe, accidental cosleeping whilst sitting up with cushions etc isn’t safe. Ironically your paranoia about cosleeping is actually the only thing that’s putting your baby at risk.

There is a lot of research done by Durham University about mother-baby sleep patterns and safety, they set up a website to publish the studies and findings:

www.isisonline.org.uk

This is the protective position you instinctively adopt in safe cosleeping:
goo.gl/images/WD3W8t

To feel a little terrified of what's just happened

happymum12345 · 06/12/2018 18:15

When i fed my dd I would be so scared of falling asleep I used to get up, go downstairs & watch the great British bake off-night after night! We all behave differently after babies. It won’t last forever, your’re simply exhausted.

Gimmeesugar · 06/12/2018 18:28

Wouldn’t the nappy have given it away...

Dormouselike · 06/12/2018 18:37

I was really paranoid about this so always took DS into the nursery for night feeds. Didn't stop me regularly waking up in a panic because I couldn't find him in the bed, when he was fast asleep in his moses basket.

Littlecaf · 06/12/2018 18:38

It is scary (I’ve done it!) but it’s ok. The baby is ok.

MarvellousMonsters · 06/12/2018 18:45

For the record, getting out of bed and going to sit in a chair or on a sofa is not a good idea, it will leave you more exhausted and therefore more likely to fall asleep whilst feeding, which is FAR more risky than lying down safely in your bed.

Needadvices · 06/12/2018 18:53

happened loads. would be safer if you were co sleep from the start then fall asleep with the baby on you whilst sitting up.
But yes normal, I couldnt even tell if/how many times they woke up(co sleeping}

hammeringinmyhead · 06/12/2018 18:56

I keep waking on my front convinced I have rolled over holding my 4 week old DS but he is always asleep in the Tutti Bambini next to the bed. Sleep deprivation is brutal. I started feeding lying down this week in the above cosleep position so I'm less scared now.

SandraTheBee · 06/12/2018 19:37

I have co slept with all 6 of my children when they were newborns until about 3 months old.

puppymouse · 06/12/2018 20:41

I wouldn't panic it's just your body taking over because you're so tired. Your post has made me remember waking in terror a couple of times when DD was tiny not knowing where she was as my mind hadn't consciously registered the "putting her back to bed" bit of the process. I would sit bolt upright madly patting the bed in fear (we never co-slept though) and DH would sleepily drawl "she's in her cot"

CasanovaFrankenstein · 06/12/2018 20:48

I did this more than once. Even when he was in the same room, in a proper cot but next to the bed, and I was worried about doing it again, so I slept the other side of the bed so I’d wake other half - still woke up with baby in the bed - I must have got out, gone around the bed, got him out and back to bed... it’s scary though. Have a look at your sleeping arrangements to see if you can make it so feel safer.

sprot · 06/12/2018 20:53

If it makes you feel better when I was breastfeeding my eldest in the daytime on the sofa I fell asleep and woke later to find she had rolled onto floor and was asleep there (not unconscious as I first thought)I was mortified but she was fine. I was exhausted so roped in help

Firstworddinosaur · 06/12/2018 20:57

My husband came into bed one night to find me sitting up trying to breast feed a pillow. Those early months are haaaard. I agree with looking up safe co sleeping, it made my nights easier.

ginnybag · 06/12/2018 21:37

I remember the very early days and doing something similar. We were still in the hospital so DD csn only have been 4 or so days old but it was a three day labour ending in the Nicu for her followed by medication that made her scream endlessly and i was completely exhausted.

I picked her up to feed at around 11.30.... and then it was breakfast....

I was sat up in the bed, holding her and feeding her and must have been all night.

It was, as it turned out, probably the best thing i could have done, because whether it was the truly on demand feeding or just the unbroken skin contact, she was a different baby from then on. Even the midwives were shocked, except for the Sister who just nodded wisely and smiled abd told me we should trust our instincts sometimes.

acegod · 06/12/2018 22:15

try going to 3rd world contries they still sleep with their kids on the king double bed with their parents. Why are you lots so worried youll quash the babies? Take a trip to eastern countires the culture their is not as strict as UK. lol I seen a mother sleep with the baby and left the baby on autopilot to feed whenever she likes during the night. Surprise the baby didnt get quashed.

TillyMint81 · 07/12/2018 11:38

I did this several times with my two daughters. The sheer exhaustion meant I often popped them back in their Moses basket half asleep and then would wake with a start wondering where they had gone.
When I had my son (6 yr gap) I spent time doing a little bit of co sleeping and it never happened with him even though he would wake far more often than his sisters. I dozed whilst he nursed which made it so much easier. Isis is a great source of info on co sleeping. Try and get someone to have the baby for a couple of hours in the day so you can nap if you need to. Buy some ear plugs and use them when you have that help so you can sleep undisturbed. It's tough but you are doing a great job and it does get easier xxx

TillyMint81 · 11/12/2018 11:06

How are you feeling today OP? X

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