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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we need to be honest about childbirth?

169 replies

DidntKnowThat · 04/12/2018 23:11

I had a baby 6 weeks ago.

There were a huge number of things I had NO IDEA about and wish I would have known. I even think some of these things should be taught to teenagers in school. It's life, and biology, and IMPORTANT.

I didn't know about:

  • Lochia
  • What colostrum was
  • How hard breastfeeding is
  • Baby blues
  • Hair loss
  • Relaxin and its effects
  • That you can tear upwards (learnt this the hard way)
  • That there was a thing called 'pre-labour'
  • piles
  • heartburn
  • leg cramps
  • Water retention

I'm sure there are more.... however these are all really common things, and I would have loved to have known about them before I got pregnant. I sort of found out as I went along and was constantly worried about what was normal.

AIBU to think that we should be talking way more about childbirth and pregnancy to younger people (teenagers, not young children), and that we should naturally be more educated and 'in the know' about one of the most natural things in the world?

I may also have had far more empathy for other pregnant women around me (which I now have, 100%)

Or, maybe IABU and I should have just used google 😆

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 04/12/2018 23:15

I was aware of all of this apart from lochia well before I got pregnant. I thought it was common knowledge.

Original poster
DidntKnowThat · 04/12/2018 23:16

@Racecardriver really? I had absolutely no idea. Maybe it's just me then 🙁

OP posts:
Avrannakern · 04/12/2018 23:17

I thought this was coming knowledge. And even if it's not, they are all included in orefancy and baby books. If you're having a kid, reading up on this stuff is really the minimum you can do.

Homemadearmy · 04/12/2018 23:18

Surely in this day and age all that information is readily available on the internet? Did you not do any reading beforehand?

Nonomore2 · 04/12/2018 23:19

Hmm. Those are all things that appear in most preganxany books, websites, pregnancy apps.
I’m not trying to be confrontational but did you read/prepare in any way for your pregnancy?

But there are definitely some things that get downplayed. Breastfeeding can be very very hard! It’s often portrayed romantically like some kind of blissful union but that’s not the reality for most people I know.

And I agree with your wider point about how it should be spoken about to young people.

AfterSchoolWorry · 04/12/2018 23:20

Did you not Google?

Justmuddlingalong · 04/12/2018 23:21

Congratulations Flowers. I think there is plenty of information out there. Books, the Internet, TV programmes and forums. Forewarned is forearmed. Did you really not look into the ins and outs of childbirth during your pregnancy.

Oopsusernamealreadytaken · 04/12/2018 23:22

I think everything should be discussed from far younger. It works really well in Holland.

Hauskat · 04/12/2018 23:23

Well there was masses I didn’t know about too - and I did the nhs antenatal class and separate water birth class with the NCT and an online antenatal course. And I read books including Naomi Wolfe’s Misconceptions. I mean I looked for knowledge everywhere. But when it came down to it I wasn’t even told what was happening to me at different stages of my labour. And a lot of the advice was conflicting or contradicted by midwives during my labour.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2018 23:23

I disagree op. I don't think it should be taught in school.
I'm not sure a teenager needs to know how hard breastfeeding is. For most teenagers, they won't be thinking about getting pregnant for ages. So, it's possibly a bit like getting taught at school what it's like to be 80.
There is a wealth of books, the internet, nct classes which could have told you all those things.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 04/12/2018 23:25

YANBU OP.

I get what people are saying about much of this being described in baby books etc. However, I’ve found that the descriptions or explanations very rarely actually give a realistic expectation of what to expect.

Lochia for example- I knew it was going to happen because I’d read The Books, but I wasn’t prepared for the heaviness or the length of time it would take to tail off.

Birth afterpains also get a scant mention, but I was crippled with them a few days after the birth and it was honestly worse than parts of labour.

I get that you don’t want to scare First Timers and it’s definitely different for everyone, but it is interesting after you’ve experienced it how other women are so quick to join in sharing their own experiences of not being prepared.

Original poster
DidntKnowThat · 04/12/2018 23:26

Oh I knew about it as I read about it. But it's amazing that these are things that our bodies are ready and prepped to do. It is what we are built for. Yet many people including myself don't know about any of this stuff until we actively read about it when we get pregnant. It's just strange to me that we don't talk about things like how hard breastfeeding is, or how baby blues can really affect a woman after birth etc, and just childbirth in general. Not just 'baby comes out of vagina after spent fertilises egg'

I wonder how different our experiences would be should etc have known the real ins and outs of pregnancy and childbirth from much younger...

OP posts:
RCohle · 04/12/2018 23:26

That all seems like information that's readily available from books, the internet, TV etc.

I'm not sure why it would be necessary to teach it to school kids when the curriculum is stretched as it is. It's the sort of information that women who are pregnant or planning on becoming so can easily seek out themselves.

Original poster
DidntKnowThat · 04/12/2018 23:27

*sperm not spent. Bloody iPhone!

OP posts:
Original poster
DidntKnowThat · 04/12/2018 23:28

Fair enough @RCohle - it's just me writing out my thoughts but I may well be wrong (or unreasonable of course!)

OP posts:
SpoonBlender · 04/12/2018 23:31

I knew of all of those things (I didn't know the term lochia but I knew of it) and I've not even had kids. Just general knowledge as far as I'm concerned.

I'm bang up for all that to be taught to kids though - I think a lot of it is already, but adding some of the grittier stuff can only discourage young pregnancy efforts!

Youmadorwhat · 04/12/2018 23:31

Yes I knew about all of that...probably from about age 16/17 for most of it as I had a very open relationship with my Mum and we could talk about anything. She was also a nurse for s long time when I was young so was very informative. But a good few of my friends didn’t know about some of those things.

Justmuddlingalong · 04/12/2018 23:32

But that would be like 'why did no one tell me about parallel parking or reversing round a corner when I've booked my driving test.' Sometimes we have to take responsibility and seek out information. I think teachers have enough subjects to teach without expecting them to give breastfeeding lessons.

cadburyegg · 04/12/2018 23:32

I don’t think it should be taught in schools but YANBU on the rest. The fact you didn’t know about these things means something has failed somewhere. It shouldn’t just be assumed that you will learn about all these things through Google and books. In my nhs antenatal class the midwife told us that because we were all low risk we would have nice lovely water births and be discharged 2 hours later! My experience was very different.

I’ve had 2 vaginal births and didn’t realise you could tear upwards.

NaiceShoes · 04/12/2018 23:33

I read your list and thought I knew about all of these things. YANBU to think it if you didn't before having your baby though.

BettyBooper · 04/12/2018 23:33

I have a 1yo and had a C-section and am still in the dark with about half of your list... I guess YANBU!

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 04/12/2018 23:34

Agreed that it shouldn’t be taught in schools, but I do think there’s a lot to be gained by women feeling they can talk more openly about childbirth and the aftermath without judgement.

NaiceShoes · 04/12/2018 23:34

Apart from the tearing upwards thing. What is that?! Shock

Ijumpedtheshark · 04/12/2018 23:35

I knew nothing about any of these things before I became pregnant. You’re not unreasonable, please don’t feel bad.

glueandstick · 04/12/2018 23:36

I knew pretty much none of it. Actually did a shop for the baby at 40 weeks- was totally unprepared before that 😂

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