to think we need to be honest about childbirth?

[DidntKnowThat]

I had a baby 6 weeks ago.

There were a huge number of things I had NO IDEA about and wish I would have known. I even think some of these things should be taught to teenagers in school. It's life, and biology, and IMPORTANT.

I didn't know about:

• Lochia
• What colostrum was
• How hard breastfeeding is
• Baby blues
• Hair loss
• Relaxin and its effects
• That you can tear upwards (learnt this the hard way)
• That there was a thing called 'pre-labour'
• piles
• heartburn
• leg cramps
• Water retention

I'm sure there are more.... however these are all really common things, and I would have loved to have known about them before I got pregnant. I sort of found out as I went along and was constantly worried about what was normal.

AIBU to think that we should be talking way more about childbirth and pregnancy to younger people (teenagers, not young children), and that we should naturally be more educated and 'in the know' about one of the most natural things in the world?

I may also have had far more empathy for other pregnant women around me (which I now have, 100%)

Or, maybe IABU and I should have just used google 😆

You can tear UPWARDS?? That’s awful.

The rest I knew about, but I admit that’s a new one. I suppose thinking logically it shouldn’t be surprising. I just never thought about it!

I know about some of those things but not others. But since I've never been pregnant or given birth, I haven't needed to. Why should everyone need to know this stuff?

Potentially half the population could be affected and the other half also.

It should be much more widely known than it is. Threads like this certainly make a difference to that end.

It should also be widely known the techniques to employ to help women deliver safely to avoid tears as much as humanly possible!!

Couldn’t agreee more with original post, I wasn’t aware of half of those things and reading about them in a book is completely different from being openly discussed and learnt about in high school. Childbirth is the one ‘medical’ condition that most people will have a close experience of and I don’t see any negative side of being thoroughly prepared for the issues involved. I wish I’d been told how bloody hard breastfeeding was when I was younger and I might have had a clue about how to do it. It’s the same with postnatal care in this country... why is there not more openness about pelvic issues as there is in other European countries.

Cancer Research UK states that 1 in 2 people born after 1960 will develop some form of cancer in their lifetime. Given not every woman has children it is not at all the case that "childbirth is the one 'medical' condition that most people will have a close experience of". I don't think that means that teenagers should have lessons about the side effects of chemo.

People need to take responsibility for educating themselves. Over 26% of births in the UK are C-sections, and 90% of women tear. If you didn't read up on those issues because you thought they wouldn't affect you or because you thought birth would be aromatherapy and positive energy then that's a decision you made.

Wasting time in schools teaching kids about something that may never effect them, or may only do so in decades is completely unnecessary and inefficient. Who will teach this? Over stretched NHS staff? Teachers who are presumably just as ignorant about these issues as many on this thread?

What is tearing upwards? Asking for a friend obvs.

There’s an Australian program called core of life www.coreoflife.org.au
It was develop as teen pregnancy prevention program and does that by teaching about birth and early weeks parenting. It’s been quite successful

I agree. I was 22 when I had my son and had no idea about how much I'd bleed after, piles, afterpains etc.

There should be so much more support for women post natal as well as pre natal.
God people love to be up on their high horse here.
YANBU at all!
As a mother of 3, who has had every sympton / side effect (the pain of piles) from pregnancy etc and has breast fed (still currently) things constantly change & I have constant questions.
Mothering is a skill & not something so black & white that it can be understood directly from a book or a quick google.
It takes a village and unfortunately our society has us mothering in isolation.
Instagram has some wonderful mothering advocates who help us understand our bodies and everything it has achieved. Most of these women share stories and offer advice and knowledge.
Congratulations
And yes I believe it should definitely be taught in schools! I’m a teacher and young people would benefit greatly from understanding all things to do with life.

I think the books/antenatal classes etc tend to emphasize the 'normal' or 'ideal' progress of childbirth and after, whereas the real experience is likely to vary from that a lot.

I.e. I was told that once 'real contractions' start they 'will' increase in frequency. But actually contractions slowing down or stalling is a thing that can happen, and did happen to me.

Similarly my newborn rooted about in my chest and fed straight after birth in a textbook manner, but a friend of mine had a baby too disoriented from birth who wouldn't latch for the first few days.

Its also the case that knowing isn't always useful - I knew about the day 3/4 mood crash, but knowing didn't help. It still happened!

I had my 1st dc in 1989. I knew about all the things listed in the original post.

In 2018 with masses of information easily available, I don't understand how anyone would not know about basics like lochia.

Yep 100%

-Cluster/ breastfeeding
-Latent labour- not everyone gets this but with a back to back baby I really struggled in early labour

• The terrible constipation! Fissures, piles...
• The insane amount of fluid that comes out. I was so shocked at my post birth wee!

I focused so much on the pregnancy/ birth that I wasn’t prepared for PP and newborn. Hope you’re doing okay OP, do you have a good health visitor?

I knew all of those things but I do think it would be a good thing for boys at school to be taught abit about birth , my husband is more traumatised over my forceps birth than I am.

Why don't ppl read the Fred peachy

None of those were a surprise to me I have to say. I wish more people would speak up about things going well, all you hear are horror stories.

Cancer and childbirth?!?!?

I knew none of these things before I was pregnant. Then I became pregnant and......bought a book! Amazing it was, a day by day description of what was happening in your body through pregnancy, and chapters devoted to Labour, birth, feeding, problems.

Not everyone has joint problems and I didn't get down at all after the birth - everyone is different. Sorry you are having a rough time it pregnancy and childbirth is a very variable experience - on tv you would think that babies took days to arrive with painful labours OR arrive in hospital car parks as opposed to my experience, 6 hours didn't really hurt, i don't assume everyone is going to be like me, but equally don't assume everyone tears!

Why stress women out until they need to know?

So they can make a fully informed choice whether or not to get pregnant perhaps?