to think we need to be honest about childbirth?

[DidntKnowThat]

I had a baby 6 weeks ago.

There were a huge number of things I had NO IDEA about and wish I would have known. I even think some of these things should be taught to teenagers in school. It's life, and biology, and IMPORTANT.

I didn't know about:

• Lochia
• What colostrum was
• How hard breastfeeding is
• Baby blues
• Hair loss
• Relaxin and its effects
• That you can tear upwards (learnt this the hard way)
• That there was a thing called 'pre-labour'
• piles
• heartburn
• leg cramps
• Water retention

I'm sure there are more.... however these are all really common things, and I would have loved to have known about them before I got pregnant. I sort of found out as I went along and was constantly worried about what was normal.

AIBU to think that we should be talking way more about childbirth and pregnancy to younger people (teenagers, not young children), and that we should naturally be more educated and 'in the know' about one of the most natural things in the world?

I may also have had far more empathy for other pregnant women around me (which I now have, 100%)

Or, maybe IABU and I should have just used google 😆

First birth was a text book birth. And I'd read loads of books. Second birth was completely different. As was third. To be aware of all the things that could happen I think you'd have to train as a midwife!
There is info out there on the way births should go ( with some details on what might happen in emergency cases) but knowing all the options and scenarios would be impossible.
Woman are different, births are different.
I don't think that any amount of teaching in school will prepare you.

Nobody told me about the heartburn. It’s so common but was so unexpected (particularly as I’d never had it before!)

I’d heard about most of the other stuff, but it’s a lot different hearing about something to experiencing it. I knew relaxin would make my already loose joints looser, I didn’t realise that my pelvis would feel like it was literally ripping apart 🤷‍♀️

On the flip side, some things that others have complained of, I haven’t experienced. Pregnancy insomnia has passed me by (currently 38 weeks) and I can still sleep like a log, except for the million toilet trips!

I read multiple books, attended classes and still had something of never heard of happen to me. I just don't think you can cover absolutely everything.

Maybe what I meant to say...

...we know about these things, but we don't really KNOW about them. I knew there would be bleeding after the birth.

I had no idea I would be (what felt like) pouring with blood after.

In knew I might feel a bit down after the birth.

I had no idea that it is actually normal to cry for 5 days straight after birth and that it does not mean you have PND.

I knew that your joints would be affected.

I had no idea that I would end up on crutches and for the last week, in a wheelchair.

Sorry. I'm not very good at explaining things sometimes. Lots of very eloquent people on mn and I feel a bit nervous about posting sometimes as I'm dyslexic and not always good at explaining!

I knew about most of it but I didn't know or appreciate the reality of it until it happened.

"Your bowels may be sluggish after birth" = "You will give birth from two holes. Congrats."

"You will bleed for a few days after birth" = "All my clothes are ruined now and wtf is that awful smell??! Wood? Burning, acidic wood?"

"Around day 3 pp you might notice a dip in mood" = just sobbing and despair.

Also "around day 3 your milk should come in" = you will not be able to stand up because of your gigantic, veiny boobs. Best lay in a bath all day with hot flannels on your tits (whilst sobbing coz, y'know, day 3).

congrats!

I've had a baby and have no idea what lochia is!

I do think the whole thing is underplayed. I had heard of the baby blues but no idea what the reality of that would be like!

Or the bleeding afterwards! For days. After a c section.

The vitamin K shot
The placenta delivery
The sickness, oh the sickness
The after pains after a second third etc child (they were awful)

I was 22 when I got pregnant and I had no idea until then. I remember worrying that I felt sick, I was unprepared for the severity of it (ended up in hospital on a drip)

I'm well informed now. No more babies for me

@YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine yes! Exactly that!

I totally get you OP. I knew a lot IN THEORY, and was hypnobirth-trained to the max and was all woooo this is the next big life event to tick off, I’m going to have an AMAZING time!!!!

The reality was a kindly doctor describing it to me afterwards as ‘on a par with a carcrash’, having numerous serious infections and surgery, feeling like glass was coming out of my boobs and feeling like I would never ever get my self back.

I have done a lot of things that society considers ‘hard’ and having a baby for me was the hardest for me by a country mile. Knocked me for six. In awe of all the people who just take it in their stride!!!

Do they still separate out the sexes for the "sexual health" talks at schools? I remember always wishing that the boys were actually part of those talks about periods and pregnancy and the like, because it might actually work towards making it an issue men are sympathetic with instead of it being taboo or "disgusting" to many people.

I never knew how painful breastfeeding after a c-section would be. I so nearly gave up. "Some discomfort" my arse!

Honestly, for me, YABU

I don’t think you’re wrong but equally I’m in my mid twenties, about to get married and looking forward to starting a family soon after! I know just enough to get that it’s not glamorous but not enough to set of my anxiety/hypochondria that would most definitely put me off doing it!

DP is a Doctor he could explain everything to me but honestly I think a bit of ignorance is bliss. I look forward to joining the ‘oh god that was awful’ mums club on the other side but see absoloutley no reason to ram the gory details down bright eyed, idealistic, Childress throats.

If I knew everything it would keep me awake at night and leave me very torn about whether I could subject myself to it!

I don't remember lochia being that bad

The afterpains though... oh my god! We actually called an ambulance out because I thought something had been left in me and I was dying!

Why shouldn't it be taught in school?
Girls in school might not think about becoming pregnant yet, but they should be thinking about how to prevent pregnancy.

Considering that many people, especially men, seem to think that a woman can pop out a child just as easily as a man can father one, I do think there's more education for everyone needed.

Not everything can be included, of course, but some of the most common health risks should definitely be taught at school as part of education about human anatomy.

OP mentioned having more empathy now. I don't see the downside of people having more empathy for pregnant women.

@DDIJ oh gosh. You poor thing. There must be something someone can do about that?! Sending

I wish someone had told me that no stitches doesn’t equal pain free weeing

@HestiaParthenos I always had empathy for pregnant and post partum women. I always tried to empathise.

If I knew that they were experiencing these things I might've known to call round to see my friends during the baby blues phase with some food and happy films, or to just check in in general. I would have understood how much pain some women could be in and might have simply been more mindful.

It's taken for me to have a baby to realise all of these things, and that pregnant women and mothers are pretty badass in terms of what they are going through and dealing with!

I remember always wishing that the boys were actually part of those talks about periods and pregnancy and the like, because it might actually work towards making it an issue men are sympathetic with instead of it being taboo or "disgusting" to many people.

Yeah.

I think there should be a talk where the sexes are segregated (probably only makes sense if there's a female teacher, tho) so that girls can ask questions they may not want to ask in front of boys.

Everyone should get the basic information, tho.

I think it would be in one ear and out of the other in schools - any teenage girl who is sexually active and wanting, or not wanting a pregnancy, is not going to pay heed to any of that, as it's all hearts and flowers, baby names and booties in spite of what anybody says!

We all learn the hard way in spite of age, although I did know about most of the things you listed. The first is a minefield - forget the birth plan, anything could happen! The second - at least prepared. The third...yeah whatever...

I had my DC in the 90s, pre internet, and the only thing I wasn't aware of in advance was how long the lochia lasts for. I read every book about childbirth I could get my hands on. I still wasn't prepared for it all though. What a shock to the system it all was.

DDIJ I'm sorry you are in that situation

I think there is too MUCH in the media saying how hard breastfeeding is. It's made out to be some sort of test that very few people pass.

@DDIJ I'm so sorry. I really hope that one day someone is able to help you. You poor thing x

All this info is there though, in books, classes, on the internet, forums, it's everywhere if you look not very hard . And probably the most annoying thing about being pregnant is so many people like to play "Shit birth/quick birth/926 hours birth" top Trump's with you and actually all this just sounds like another way to play it, nobody needs that, do a bit of research, approach with information, an open mind and the realisation that everyone is different, we don't need to teach our non pregnant teenagers or anyone else they can, you know, look it up for themselves when they are pregnant

I agree. It's not that you don't know about it, more that society has downplayed it so the gritty reality feels like it's only you who is experiencing the shitty end of the stick (and the fact that some women really do have an easier time than others).

I remember reading to try and do some light baking during early labour, a simple but engaging task that would keep you active and distracted. As lovely as that sounds, why is there no book that tells you what to do when you are three days into contractions and have just been send home because you are only 1.5cm dilated. Or is that when you are supposed to make some florentines?