Completely shocked by BIL

[kelliejr]

DH and I called round to his sisters house after work at 8.30 to pick up some tools to do DIY in our house. She told us she was putting their 4 year old DS to bed to her DH would be downstairs to answer the door, just knock on the patio.
When her DH answered there was a very strong smell of weed and he had clearly smoked judging by his voice and eyes.
Their DS and SIL heard us knock and called for my DH to come up from the patio to say good night... he told me there was no smell of weed upstairs thankfully. When my DH said to his sister "why the hell is there a smell of weed downstairs?!" She was quite defensive of her DH.

For some reason it's really upset me. To think my SIL was upstairs putting their DS to bed whilst her DH was downstairs smoking weed. I'm just a bit shocked. It's of course not my place to say anything but I could see on my DH's face it upset him too to think our nephew is in that environment.

I have no proof he smoked in the house, but the smell was quite strong so he must of smoked it not long before we called. Both of us are just a bit taken a back and not sure how to feel about it. We also don't know if SIL smokes it or is it just BIL.

Any advice? AIBU to feel annoyed/shocked? Do you think my DH needs to speak to his parents about it?

Please no nasty comments, I'm not on a witch hunt for these people as we have always gotten on well... which is probably why it shocks me more.

Looks like the OPs SiL is just a savvy investor, backed by Jacob Rees Mogg (I picked this up via a Brexit feed ...)

www.theguardian.com/politics/2018/jul/31/jacob-rees-mogg-firm-advising-top-canada-marijuana-market-investor

Jacob Rees-Mogg’s investment firm is advising one of the highest-profile investors in Canada’s marijuana market.

Somerset Capital Management, co-founded by the prominent Brexiter MP, is an adviser to an emerging markets fund established by Purpose Investments.

Purpose Investments has emerged this year as one of the most prominent investors in the Canadian cannabis market. The drug will become legal for recreational use there in October, but it has been legal for medical use since 2001.

Rees-Mogg, chair of the pro-Brexit European Research Group, has refused to back either the decriminalisation or legalisation of cannabis in the UK.

(contd)

Id rather a parent smoke a joint (outside) when a child is in bed than drink Alcohol.

It's a herb.

@Hohocabbage there’s a thread going now where more than half of posters are saying it’s OK to drink alcohol while pregnant because of research showing it’s safe in small quantities.

Most research shows cannabis is less dangerous than alcohol and that doctor from the government panel under Labour was sacked for publishing a report saying alcohol is worse than cannabis and ecstasy.

So the complete hysteria that is anti-evidence regarding marijuana on here compared to casual attitude in alcohol is really stunning to me.

Our neighbours do it with their 6 year old girl in the house it’s always strong in our house, it stinks outside too...
What can we do?
Let them get on with it. Your nephew has been ok up to now?

Speak to his parents, what is he 15? Speak to him directly

I don't smoke or do any drugs but I've seen many people under the effect of pot and is nothing to be so chocked about. He was at home, the kids being looked after by his wife. I really don't see any problem. Unless there are other issues mind your own. Lots of nice people smoke pot, you know.

As always there are loads of people trying to show how liberal and cool they are by claiming this is not a bit deal.
I would be shocked and upset by this too OP. It is not normal and shouldn't be normalised. I work in a school and would definitely log the smell of weed with the safeguarding team. It wouldn't result in anything happening unless there were also a number of other concerns also logged.
And I would also seriously consider dropping the discovery into conversation with my parents too and not in a sympathetic way. You SIL defensiveness is also interesting too. She is either smoking it too or has been presumably bullied into tolerating it by her partner.
Unless there is a clear medical need for this drug then he surely doesn't need to be doing this.

nearly47

Are you mad ? Something must be done !!!!!

Er, has OP come back?
I think you should be embarrassed about the telling parents part, that’s ludicrous! This family has only one child in it?
Also agree, although it honks, weed is generally less of a problem than booze.
If they do it outside, yes it will stink on him/ the smoker but it DOES NOT mean the house will smell as it tends to be kept in an airtight container.
So, you were shocked, but hopefully over it now. You could acknowledge it with him/ her and casually ask how much is smoked and where.
It is much more common than you seem to be aware.

Seriously OP I would be really concerned too although also disagree with the telling his parents thing. I would confront them directly.

Everyone who is on the “it’s a herb not as bad as alcohol blah blah blah” it’s not really the point. It’s illegal. Not a great message to send in respecting authority as a father

Lots of people smoke weed, as long as he’s not doing it in the house around the child then I wouldn’t be shocked. It’s not something I chose to do but I have friends who have the occasional joint, usually in the evening to chill them out a little.

Yep.... it's disgusting, it's out of order it's bad parenting all of those things, but it's their choice. If they did it when your own child was in the house then you'd have every right to kick off but really what they do in their own home is up to them. I loathe smoking and I loathe people smoking weed, they're a pain the arse but I don't mix with them .

DGRossetti,

I think I will invest too

Yep.... it's disgusting, it's out of order it's bad parenting all of those things

All this. Very selfish and pathetic of him. Not much you can do.

At the moment in the UK it is illegal to buy, grow, smoke etc weed.

I would be disappointed in family or friends doing this near their children, second hand smoke and all that

You need to get our more. It’s none of your business and I don’t understand the issue? Please get a life.

I thought it was only me that DIDNT smoke or take some class A B or C drugs.
I would feel as the OP does but ..... many people smoke it etc Sadly drugs are major feature in impaired drivers involved in injury accidents. That is also true of mental illness.
Personal experience of that. Dont despair, dont react, its their life and you are better keeping your friendship for when there is a real rather than perceived problem - you need to be close for that.
Smoking weed is stupid, we all have to grow up - if its affecting children then mention it and sacrifice contact for plain speaking.

I don’t think it’s any of your business.
You imply that smoking weed somehow affects your nephew in a detrimental way, why?

If they just smoked would you feel the same? Chill out a little its not crack cocaine. btw I have never touched drugs or smoked but your reaction is extreme.

Would you be saying the same if it was alcohol you could smell .. pretty soon it’s gonna be legal. Sorry but mind your own tbh

What a surprise OP never came back. Probably busy reporting to 101.

Would you feel the same if he was having a glass of wine?
I’m sorry I just think you are overreacting
Some people have a drink to relax some people have a joint
I don’t smoke myself but my OH of 25 years has the occasional joint and we have 3 very intelligent non neglected grown up children.

It’s nithing to do with your in laws
He’s a grown man, he can do what he wants in his own house as long as his wife is ok with it and it doesn’t impact in the kids

Alcohol also stays in your system
Alcohol also affects your mental health

Well, I don’t think it’s ideal that a parent is smoking weed whether it’s in front of his child or not. I have never done anything drug-wise and I gave up drinking when I had my children because I didn’t like the thought of not being 100% alert in case of any problems. Total pearl clutcher in the eyes of some I guess. The problem with smoking weed is what if something happened and the dad was too stoned to help? So if the house caught fire in the night etc? I personally think as a parent you should always be in a fit state to look after the children whether they are in bed or not. What if you had to rush to hospital with them in the night etc?? It looks pretty bad if the parent/s are stoned or drunk or not even capable of dealing with the situation. But that’s my opinion. So I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP, I too would be shocked. I don’t know if interfering is the answer. I am not sure where the law stands or smoking drugs as a parent.

Those that are mocking the OP need to grow up really. I think drugs around a child is a serious issue.