To refuse to pay for bridesmaid dress

[bridezilla1]

I am to be one of 5 bridesmaids for my friends wedding summer 2019.

I am the only one of the 5 who has young children, I am also a single parent with very little money.

Already the "honour" of being her bridesmaid is being very costly. There has been a few dinners to talk over her wedding plans, of which I have had to pay babysitters. The dinners have been of the brides choosing and expensive restaurants with bottles of wine etc.

There is a hen do before the wedding that I cannot make as it is a long weekend away (not possible for me) and the bride was quite unfair about it saying she was upset that not all of her bridesmaids would come.

We went to the bridesmaid dress fittings and selected our sizes from the pre selected dresses of her choice. the dresses were £250. Yesterday the bride messaged saying she was going to order them so can we all transfer the cash by the end of the day. I don't have that kind of money and I am just really shocked, surely if we were paying for our own it should be a dress of our own choice. I would never spend £250 on an item of clothing especially one that I will never wear again but what choice do I really have now? All the other bridesmaids have responded that they have transferred (it's a group Facebook chat) I have no idea what to say!

I got married last year. I bought the dresses, paid for hair and makeup etc. The only thing I did ask was that they buy their own shoes, they were all different heights, some preferred heels and others wanted flats, plus they all had different budgets. All I wanted was for them to be comfortable so I left the decision entirely up to them. They’ve all since worn their shoes again for other occasions.

Friends don't expect you to pay for their weddings, nevermind expect you to put it before your own child.

Your Bridezilla 'mate' needs a slap.

just say you can't .

I didn’t have bridesmaids but had 6 page boys, I bought all their suits and the suits of the best man and ushers. Move never heard of bridesmaids paying for their own dresses!

Her attitude towards you needs no response. Walk away. You deserve better.
When I got married a long long time ago I wanted my two best friends next to me. I wouldn’t have cared if they were wearing a tracksuit as long as they were at my side. Times have changed. its all about showing off.
Have a lovely Christmas with your little family.

Clearly a thoughtless CF . Would’ve thought she would have cleared all these things at the expensive planning dinners. I should text/contact and tell the straight truth. If she sulks she’s not a friend worth having.

£250 is mad for a dress you will wear once. Brides usually pay. My wedding I had two bridesmaids and I told them both the colour scheme and said spend X choose something in that colour in a style you like that's formal ish, then I covered their costs. I think I spent £200 and they wore their own shoes. I paid for them to get their hair done on the day too.
She's being a CF and you need to step down! I do love a bridezilla thread!

I’d ask her if it’s more important to her that you be her bridesmaid, or if her bridesmaids match. If the latter, you’ll retire from your role so she can have what she wants. If the former, you’ll do your very best to buy something within budget that best approximates what she’s chosen.

Either way, she gets what she wants, and you find out what your friendship is worth.

Jesus wept! I’ve been a BM twice and neither time did I pay for the dress. I paid for the shoes and that was that - when I got married I specifically didn’t have BMs because we were on a really tight budget and I couldn’t afford the dresses, shoes, hair & makeup for them and I would never have expected them to pay. She’s taking the bloody piss and I think in your situation I’d just have to be fully honest with her and say you cant afford any more money so will have to step down.

As an aside.... I had a beautiful wedding dress, from bankrupt stock. Was lovely and everything I could want. Even with alterations, veil, shoes & underwear it didn’t cost £250!

Any updates OP?

When I got married 25 years ago we hired the bridesmaids dresses. Just be honest & say to her you can't pay the money for the dress. If she is any friend she would understand.

I'm genuinely fuming on your behalf.

Your friend should be ashamed of herself.

Another CF tightwad bride who can't really afford the wedding she wants.

Being a Bridesmaid is supposed to be an honour. It's totally traditional for the Bridesmaids to be guests with all attire/hair/shoes/make up/flowers provided with no charge.

This has become a modern day thing where people no longer seem to know etiquette and are grabby for things they just cannot afford and shouldn't really have.

My bridesmaids chose their dresses together with me and there hair and shoes were paid for too. Also a meal the evening before, and our hotel stay.

You need to be as brass necked as your cf friend and scoff in her face and laugh like she must be joking. Cos really, she must be having a laugh.

She's so out of order for not discussing this or the budget before choosing the dress that she expects YOU to pay for!! Not on, no class and totally outrageously cheeky.

@Alfie190 I don't think so, in the uk the bride pays for bridesmaid dresses- utter cheek.

Your friend sounds like a right prat

@Bridezilla!

Bride has done you a massive favour - she's revealed her true colours. Yes you could reply

''It may go against your case when forced to sashay in said chiffon dress at the foodbank you'll be forced to attend having subsidised her wedding'

She sounds a gold digging prize cunt.

Get out now.....DON'T transfer any money.

I also am wondering by the 'just transfer the money' if it's the true cost of the dress. (note the no offer of a receipt)

i.e. Are you subsidising hers.....??

I am surprised at all the outrage here. Aren't cash bars standard in the UK? Talk about 'making other people pay for your wedding.'

It is absolutely not normal for bridesmaids to buy their own dresses. Weddings are paid for by parents/bride and groom not the guests or bridal party. Have a private conversation with the bride, not in the group chat, explaining you have budget restrictions. Have to add five bridesmaids sounds excessive too. Good luck

She has just shared a quote on Facebook about how you don't know who your real friends are until you plan a wedding 

My god she's a bitch. You NEED to post a link to this thread on Facebook

Yes Yayhamlet they are, alcohol is very expensive, could easily cost more than the food. It is up to you how much you drink, so if you don't want to spend much, you don't drink much. Very different from asking 5 friends to be bridesmaids, and expecting them to spend £250 on a bm of brides choosing, and expecting them to go to expensive meals to discuss wedding preparations.

I would never mind paying for my drinks at a wedding, I can drink what I like and how much I like, but I would begrudge paying £250 on a bridesmaid dress for one day, very expensive.

Anything happened today? Did you respond to her message digs?

I'd walk away from this friendship, she's really nasty.
I'd also have commented on her status, saying "as I said earlier I'm sorry but I can't afford to pay £250 for a bridesmaid dress for your wedding, I'm a single lone mum, Christmas is round the corner & I havnt got any disposable cash without going in to debt, or me & my child going without. I understand that you've never been short of money nor in been in my financial situation so find this difficult to grasp. I'm not being skint to hurt you, I wish I wasn't, it's just my current circumstances... I'm sorry you feel this way that you felt you needed to put up this status about me. "

Is this your ‘friend’ OP?