To refuse to pay for bridesmaid dress

[bridezilla1]

I am to be one of 5 bridesmaids for my friends wedding summer 2019.

I am the only one of the 5 who has young children, I am also a single parent with very little money.

Already the "honour" of being her bridesmaid is being very costly. There has been a few dinners to talk over her wedding plans, of which I have had to pay babysitters. The dinners have been of the brides choosing and expensive restaurants with bottles of wine etc.

There is a hen do before the wedding that I cannot make as it is a long weekend away (not possible for me) and the bride was quite unfair about it saying she was upset that not all of her bridesmaids would come.

We went to the bridesmaid dress fittings and selected our sizes from the pre selected dresses of her choice. the dresses were £250. Yesterday the bride messaged saying she was going to order them so can we all transfer the cash by the end of the day. I don't have that kind of money and I am just really shocked, surely if we were paying for our own it should be a dress of our own choice. I would never spend £250 on an item of clothing especially one that I will never wear again but what choice do I really have now? All the other bridesmaids have responded that they have transferred (it's a group Facebook chat) I have no idea what to say!

That kind of cost of a dress that she has chosen should really be paid for by the bride in my opinion. I would be honest and explain it's all too costly for you when you have a child to support and you're so honoured to have been asked but you think it's better you step down from the role of bridesmaid.

If she isn't paying for dresses what else will you need to pay for on top? Shoes, hair, make up? This could all be added on top once she's made those plans. So I would back out before you're hit with more bills for what she wants.

Sounds like she has chosen too many bridesmaids and can't afford to pay to have that many. A true friend will understand your situation and wouldn't ask this of you. She should have also made this clear straight away what you would be expected to pay for and if she didn't that's on her.

Good luck, do what's best for your family

She's a bitch. She's just proved that on FB, and she's going to prove it again when she responds to your perfectly sensible text.

Sorry, OP. I'd link this thread to her FB page when she does. I think your friendship is pretty much over anyway. she sounds incredibly self absorbed and selfish.

She sounds quite nasty, and self absorbed, sorry she wasn't the friend you thought she was. I wod say, I am sorry that I cannot take the money out of the mouths of my kids to pay for BM dress and expenses and I am going to have to step down.

It is embarrassing asking BM that you have chosen, to fund their outfits, let alone £250 dresses and expensive dinners to talk about the wedding. If she can't afford it, she shod not have as many bridesmaids. Whatever is wrong with talking about the wedding plans in your living room over a nice brew.

Who the hell does she think she is? She's put you in a position where you've had found yourself stressed and embarrassed about money. What sort of friend does that?
Why is the cost of her wedding something that you need to be affected by?
I'd be tempted to tell her your monthly disposable income and then remind her of the costs you've racked up for her wedding. Which you've done without complaint so far, even though it has probably meant you tightening your belt a fair bit.
But I don't think she has or wants to have any awareness of anyone's situation but her own.
Selfish bitch.

I would post something on the WhatsApp group along the lines of having to drop out due to finances, being really sad to do so and you had no idea of the financial commitment involved before you initially agreed. She's got no right to make nasty comments about you.

She sounds awful. You'd probably be expected to buy her a pricey wedding present on top of the dress too. She seems like a right 'look at me' type person.

She is deluded and being spiteful. It is not your problem that she has chosen a grandiose wedding she can't afford.
Don't get sucked in with any negotiating- clearly resign now because this wedding is going to be full of unexpected expenses from here on in.

I think its really rude to expect someone to pay for their own dress, unless you have said they can wear whatever they want, no restrictions.

I paid for mine and it meant I had to have 2 less bridesmaids than I would have liked, but that was my problem, not theirs.

What a bitch and I’m amazed her friends have all paid it so readily-do they all have trust funds?!

I would never normally do this, but actually I her friends should see what she is actually whinging about; I would feel compelled to reply to her fuckwit FB message.

Yes I agree with putting a message on the whatsapp group, wishing her all the best but... maybe others may be finding the financial burdens hard too

I would get out whilst you can - she's no true friend.

She sounds like an absolute horror. I paid for BM dress, hair, makeup, shoes, nails, gift and all trials and I wouldn't have it any other way as I had asked her.

Why should you pay for something that is to benefit her no matter what your financial situation is? If she can't afford 5 then don't ask five

She has just shared a quote on Facebook about how you don't know who your real friends are until you plan a wedding shockshockshockshock

I'd be tempted to post a FB status update of my own. 😈

"You don't know who your real friends are until they plan a wedding."

If you're friends then she should have some knowledge of how you're fixed, not in detail but within a group of friends it's usual to have some idea. When we meet up we are sensitive to what everyone can afford and organise accordingly. She seems to have no such sensitivity, you're all being asked/told to subsidise her fantasy. Were I you, and her husband to be, I'd be off like a shot in the opposite direction.
She's no friend of yours, maybe a FB response should be along the lines of 'You learn a lot about people when they're planning their wedding at your expense.'

This all sucks royally, OP. Aside from all the bridezilla shenanigans, it's always horrible to find that a friend is not only not who you thought they were, but no friend at all.

(I bet the marriage doesn't last.)

What a bitch.Well your children are for life.No matter how much miss up herself spends on her wedding, you have better things to spend money on.
Perfect excuse to get out of it.

£1000 for Bridezillas endless planning meals.
£250 for a dress I would never choose, nor ever wear again
£1500 for hen weekend away
£ 0.10 Cost of text to be insulted

£Priceless For the sanity of living within my means and not expecting everyone else to pay for my wedding.

I’d comment under the FB quote saying “I’m really disappointed to see you’ve decided to be childishly passive aggressive rather than accept that not everyone has the money you require them to contribute towards your wedding. You know my circumstances, you know I’m a lone parent with a very small budget, it really cannot be a shock to you that I cannot pay £250 for your bridesmaid dress 4 weeks before Christmas as well as pay for all the meals out and associated babysitters required to attend your wedding meetings. I wish you all the best, I really do but unfortunately you’ve soured our friendship with your hurtful digs about my previous relationship and I won’t be including myself in your celebrations anymore.”

I’d comment under the FB quote saying “I’m really disappointed to see you’ve decided to be childishly passive aggressive rather than accept that not everyone has the money you require them to contribute towards your wedding. You know my circumstances, you know I’m a lone parent with a very small budget, it really cannot be a shock to you that I cannot pay £250 for your bridesmaid dress 4 weeks before Christmas as well as pay for all the meals out and associated babysitters required to attend your wedding meetings. I wish you all the best, I really do but unfortunately you’ve soured our friendship with your hurtful digs about my previous relationship and I won’t be including myself in your celebrations anymore.”

spot on

What a nasty bitch!!
I hope a bird shits on her when she gets out of the wedding car!

Christ. There’s no going back now OP. She’s being cruel and stupid about the fact that you aren’t rich enough to be her friend in exactly the way she wishes.

What a fucking arsehole

Op you sound lovely and B2B sounds like a nasty piece of work. I'd gradually back away if I were you. Friends don't treat each other in this way.

She shouldn't have such expensive dresses if she wasnt intending to pay. She very easily spends other peoples money, rather then put down her own, which is indicitive of an entitled brat.

Sounds like you are better off backing out. Thag was a cheap shot she made. Cheap shot from a cheapskate.

I think you need to tell her clearly that you are stepping down as a bridesmaid as of now and you wish her well for her wedding. Then leave it up to her what she does next. If she's previously been a good friend to you, she may realise what a knob she's being and apologise, but she may not.

What Valhalla said - with bells on