Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pay for bridesmaid dress

833 replies

bridezilla1 · 03/12/2018 14:43

I am to be one of 5 bridesmaids for my friends wedding summer 2019.

I am the only one of the 5 who has young children, I am also a single parent with very little money.

Already the "honour" of being her bridesmaid is being very costly. There has been a few dinners to talk over her wedding plans, of which I have had to pay babysitters. The dinners have been of the brides choosing and expensive restaurants with bottles of wine etc.

There is a hen do before the wedding that I cannot make as it is a long weekend away (not possible for me) and the bride was quite unfair about it saying she was upset that not all of her bridesmaids would come.

We went to the bridesmaid dress fittings and selected our sizes from the pre selected dresses of her choice. the dresses were £250. Yesterday the bride messaged saying she was going to order them so can we all transfer the cash by the end of the day. I don't have that kind of money and I am just really shocked, surely if we were paying for our own it should be a dress of our own choice. I would never spend £250 on an item of clothing especially one that I will never wear again but what choice do I really have now? All the other bridesmaids have responded that they have transferred (it's a group Facebook chat) I have no idea what to say!

OP posts:
BloodyBing · 03/12/2018 20:07

Wow. What a self absored cow. It's good that you've found this out now rather than spend more money on this wedding. Stay strong. Oh and YADNBU!

GertrudetheFifth · 03/12/2018 20:08

Weddings can really strain friendships. I’ve bridesmaided twice.

Once I bought my dress, she paid for getting hair done. But then she just specified a colour and length and that it shouldn’t be too fancy (as her wedding dress wasn’t particularly elaborate). So the dress wasn’t very expensive. And she isn’t the kind of friend to mind getting a wedding gift a bit later to spread the cost.

Once she bought the dress - expensive, specific design, wouldn’t wear again. But with the costs of the obligatory night in a super expensive venue, and a packed hen weekend with 4 or 5 activities, it cost much more, She had said she would pay for the accomodation - she didn’t, but I didn’t know until I checked out and suddenly had to pay. I didn’t feel I could chase her for the money, but it did make a difference in the friendship. I didn’t have that kind of money as disposable income so it meant cutting back elsewhere.

I think people just go a bit crazy with the amounts they are spending so that £300+ seems like an insignificant amount (and not your entire meals out and entertainment budget for months...)

loveyoutothemoon · 03/12/2018 20:08

What a bitch! And she's obviously, actively gone looking for that meme to post. It's her loss, she could have been reasonable about your concerns but chose not to be.

Ethel80 · 03/12/2018 20:09

@Youmadorwhat You don't need to have had babies to be considerate and unselfish. I'd say it's more about being kind and able to think about other people's needs and circumstances.

VictoryOrValhalla · 03/12/2018 20:10

I bet she asks for money instead of gifts too.

clairedelalune · 03/12/2018 20:11

For her comment on Facebook alone, i would message her and tell her i were stepping down as bm. I would then not be speaking to her again.

BumbleBeee69 · 03/12/2018 20:12

Christ OP I feel heart sorry for you, I completely agree that your friend is being a complete DICK Flowers

theworldistoosmall · 03/12/2018 20:12

I would actually post on the fb thing - I completely agree. True friends don't try and manipulate others to spend money on their own needs. True friends don't insult when told no.

I wouldn't care about the backlash or the fallout. She's not a friend. And when others ask why I am no longer BM they would be told exactly why.

OstrichRunning · 03/12/2018 20:12

I think your last message to her was exactly right. Her behaviour is unbelievable! I hope this thread gives you good perspective on the situation - it's sad to lose a friend but she is so not acting like one. You're better off without.

Flowers
PepsiLola · 03/12/2018 20:14

It's sad that she's turned to fb for sly digs, she doesn't sound like that nice of a friend

clairedelalune · 03/12/2018 20:14

She will be the only person in the world also who has ever had a baby when she gets that far....

NoFucksImAQueen · 03/12/2018 20:14

Jesus what a bitch. I hope it rains on her wedding day and she gets soaked

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/12/2018 20:17

She has just shared a quote on Facebook about how you don't know who your real friends are until you plan a wedding

Ah yes, one of those; thwart her in any way and she takes to FB in the hope of lots of "hunning" Hmm

If you do want to stay on speaking terms with her, I suggest you withdraw asap instead of just saying you can't afford it ... because I get the feeling that the more you drag it out, the worse it'll become

FrankieChips · 03/12/2018 20:18

I been a bridesmaid one and the bride paid for our dresses but they didn’t cost that much! I wouldn’t want to pay for the dress either. It is costly to be a bridesmaid. Personally it should just be the hen do and wedding unless you are chief bridesmaid. Why does she need 5 people helping her? Sounds very indulgent.

Strawberry2017 · 03/12/2018 20:18

I think you have had a lucky escape. She's not a real friend.
Walk away now and live a happy life without her. Anyone who causes you stress or expects you to fork out loads of money you don't have is not a friend! X

Livpool · 03/12/2018 20:20

Sorry but what a cow! And the fact that she didn't offer to pay for you speaks volumes about her character

BumbleBeee69 · 03/12/2018 20:21

I would LIKE the Post OP Grin

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 03/12/2018 20:22

Wow what a nasty bitch.

Figgygal · 03/12/2018 20:23

Sorry but this is probably going to turn into a big thing and you won't speak again

How do you know her? How long? Good friends? Did you expect this of her?

GhostSauce · 03/12/2018 20:23

I'm sorry OP, that's awful.

I'd be telling her how hurt I was by that comment, the Facebook post and her attitude and that I was stepping down.

Then I'd unfollow her on FB for now.

KitKat1985 · 03/12/2018 20:25

I think you definitely need to back out now. I'd send a message along the lines of: "I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I'm sure you can see that I can't prioritise buying a dress over paying my rent or buying food, especially when I have kids to look after. I actually don't want to fall out over this, so I think it's best that I respectfully withdraw from the position of bridesmaid, and I hope we can still be friends".

jarhead123 · 03/12/2018 20:25

Back out now before its too late! She sounds quite demanding and it seems she has no idea what it's like when you have children and other priorites

Lollypop701 · 03/12/2018 20:26

I do know what a wedding costs, and I paid for bm dresses etc. You can’t put a price on true friendship... because it can’t be bought.you are worth more op

crispysausagerolls · 03/12/2018 20:27

I think paying for the dress/not paying is fairly subjective and I can see the argument either way, BUT if your financial situation is bad and she is suggesting a stupidly expensive dress, she should be paying.

Plus, she’s now been a mega bitch and can fuck off.

ivykaty44 · 03/12/2018 20:27

She has just shared a quote on Facebook about how you don't know who your real friends are until you plan a wedding

That’s plainly unkind & particularly rude

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.