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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to pay for bridesmaid dress

833 replies

bridezilla1 · 03/12/2018 14:43

I am to be one of 5 bridesmaids for my friends wedding summer 2019.

I am the only one of the 5 who has young children, I am also a single parent with very little money.

Already the "honour" of being her bridesmaid is being very costly. There has been a few dinners to talk over her wedding plans, of which I have had to pay babysitters. The dinners have been of the brides choosing and expensive restaurants with bottles of wine etc.

There is a hen do before the wedding that I cannot make as it is a long weekend away (not possible for me) and the bride was quite unfair about it saying she was upset that not all of her bridesmaids would come.

We went to the bridesmaid dress fittings and selected our sizes from the pre selected dresses of her choice. the dresses were £250. Yesterday the bride messaged saying she was going to order them so can we all transfer the cash by the end of the day. I don't have that kind of money and I am just really shocked, surely if we were paying for our own it should be a dress of our own choice. I would never spend £250 on an item of clothing especially one that I will never wear again but what choice do I really have now? All the other bridesmaids have responded that they have transferred (it's a group Facebook chat) I have no idea what to say!

OP posts:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee · 03/12/2018 19:51

Why don't you call her and sort it out. Tell her her comment was uncalled for and then try and patch this up. She is is your friend and she has fucked up. You need to explain things to her so she understand.

Mumsnetters often prefer to ramp things up with caustic text replies or dramatic gestures such as going NC but surely most friends at least try and talk things through.

WinterfellWench · 03/12/2018 19:51

She sounds like a fucking nasty bitch OP!

Unfriend her, block her, delete her number from your phone, and don't contact her again.

What an awful situation.

Do you have many mutual friends?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee · 03/12/2018 19:52

Haha crossed posted with a lot of replies favouring ramping up the drama!

Sparklesocks · 03/12/2018 19:54

She sounds like a complete nightmare. So sorry your friend is such a shithouse.

WinterfellWench · 03/12/2018 19:54

Mumsnetters often prefer to ramp things up with caustic text replies or dramatic gestures such as going NC but surely most friends at least try and talk things through.

Don't talk nonsense @Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

YEAH, people will try and sort things out with FRIENDS, but this bridezilla bitch is no FRIEND to the OP. She is an utter fucking cow.

If you are happy to talk things through and 'sort things out' with someone who treats you this way, then you must have VERY low standards, and I pity you.

PotteryLady · 03/12/2018 19:55

Reply on Facebook "you don't who the CF's are until you're asked to be a bridesmaid"

BlackberryandNettle · 03/12/2018 19:55

I'd keep it polite but step down as bridesmaid due to the costs. Even without the dress, you can bet there will be more meals, hair, makeup, quite probably a hotel room. Just send the message and breathe a sigh of relief. The Facebook post is really quite obviously bitchy, I'd ignore it and hide her posts. Also, after messaging her I would post on the group chat to let them know you are stepping down as bridesmaid, because as a single parent it is getting unaffordable for you, but good luck with the planning etc. You can unjoin the WhatsApp later. Let the other bridesmaids come to their own conclusions.

WinterfellWench · 03/12/2018 19:55

@Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

mumsnetters often prefer to ramp things up with caustic text replies or dramatic gestures such as going NC but surely most friends at least try and talk things through.

Don't talk nonsense.

YEAH, people will try and sort things out with FRIENDS, but this bridezilla bitch is no FRIEND to the OP. She is an utter fucking cow.

If you are happy to talk things through and 'sort things out' with someone who treats you this way, then you must have VERY low standards, and I pity you.

Original poster

bridezilla1 · 03/12/2018 19:56

I have replied saying that I'm really sorry but I just cannot £250, as had I not have been a bridesmaid I would have budgeted no more than £30 for an outfit (and worn shoes/accessories I already have!) and would never in a million years buy a dress costing that much especially as I will only wear it once.

I don't want this to turn into a huge thing where we never speak again but I just feel hurt and think as a friend who has seen my struggles through the years not need to be told that that amount is way out of my budget as its quite belittling having to explain my financial situation when it should be really obvious!

OP posts:

MissRhubarb · 03/12/2018 19:56

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Mon 03-Dec-18 19:52:30
Haha crossed posted with a lot of replies favouring ramping up the drama!

Actually, I'm usually very much try and compromise... no drama with the majority of posts on here, but this one - there is no making things up with someone like this bride-to-be unless you are acquiescing to everything she wants. There just isn't.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/12/2018 19:58

I would comment on her FB post saying "I couldn't agree more......" she can take that how she chooses.

bimbobaggins · 03/12/2018 19:58

What pottery said!
Even if she does come back and say she’ll pay it’s not going to end well.
There will be more expensive dinners, a home hen night, you’ll have to pay her share, a gift for her hen do, an afternoon tea, your hair and make up, shoes , jewellery.
The list and cost will be never ending. Just cut your losses and do your purse a favour and pull out.

Sparklybanana · 03/12/2018 19:59

She’s right. You had no idea she was such a nob until she planned her wedding. Most people don’t throw a party and demand their friends pay. It’s nice if they offer but not to assume. She’s not the first person in the world to get married and it shouldn’t entitle her to be an ass.

BlackberryandNettle · 03/12/2018 19:59

I'd like to bet her parents and in laws are actually shelling out towards the wedding
I wonder whether she's asked them for bridesmaid dress money too?

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 03/12/2018 20:00

In a few years once she's pulled her head out of her arse she will be mortified at the way she's treated you, and rightly so. I still can't get over the fact that because her wedding is expensive, she expects others to pay for chunks of it.

Threadastaire · 03/12/2018 20:01

Op, you could tell her you're thinking of her by opting not to come to the wedding and save her the cost of a guest or two...

I hope for your sake that she'll look back at some point and realise how selfish she has been. Regardless of anyone's finances it is not the responsibility of friends to fund someone's dream wedding. You choose the wedding according to budget, I think she's read too many bridal magazines....

Youmadorwhat · 03/12/2018 20:02

You should comment on Facebook and say “awaah what’s up hun?? 🤣🤣🤣👍

Ggirl27 · 03/12/2018 20:02

I did not expect my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, in fact I took them out and asked them to choose something they were happy wearing, the only thing I asked was that they could be in a certain colour to match my theme and then I paid. Her facebook post is spiteful and unnecessary. I would take a step back, the ball is in her court now. She knows your circumstances, let her come back to you with how she would like to go forward. True friendships are made and broken at times like these, if she is that shallow then she's not really a friend at all. Don't dwell on it either, you can't control other people so don't let it get you down xx

TulipsInbloom1 · 03/12/2018 20:02

Gosh how bloody rude she is!

MRex · 03/12/2018 20:05

I would not consider her a friend. Unless it would cause severe difficulty with other friends, I would tell her "I'm disappointed you didn't consider that the costs you are asking me to pay are impossible for a single mother of two. Your recent Facebook post is incredibly rude when I've been supportive throughout. I will step down as bridesmaid and will no longer attend your wedding."

Youmadorwhat · 03/12/2018 20:05

Wait until she head to toe nappies and childcare etc etc because that’s when most people’s bubbles burst!! God if we lived all the time like we did when we were engaged life would be sweeeet!! Marriage and babies brings you back to earth with a bang so to speak!!

Cheby · 03/12/2018 20:06

OP, she is not a friend. She is a selfish brat with no idea of wedding etiquette.

Send her a link to this thread so she can see what a colossal arse she is. Then block, move on, and don’t give her another second’s thought. Your life will be much better for it.

MissRhubarb · 03/12/2018 20:06

Thing is I can't imagine any circumstances in which anyone kind and decent that I know would behave like this. Not ever. I think this might be one of those things where you've just never seen her true colours come out before. How are you feeling though now OP?

AlwaysSomethingThere · 03/12/2018 20:06

Quit and don't look back. To be honest I'd be questioning whether you want to consider being friends with Miss Princess at all. She is selfish, unreasonable and self obsessed. The first expensive meal would've been enough for me to fuck off.

Back out now. It'll only get worse.

MumW · 03/12/2018 20:06

'wouldn't understand the cost of a wedding'
Surely the equally PA reply to this is "£x for registery office anything else after that is down to couples personal choice and budget"

Don't think I'd have the nerve to send it though.

I also think the Bridezilla shoud have a .

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