To refuse to pay for bridesmaid dress

[bridezilla1]

I am to be one of 5 bridesmaids for my friends wedding summer 2019.

I am the only one of the 5 who has young children, I am also a single parent with very little money.

Already the "honour" of being her bridesmaid is being very costly. There has been a few dinners to talk over her wedding plans, of which I have had to pay babysitters. The dinners have been of the brides choosing and expensive restaurants with bottles of wine etc.

There is a hen do before the wedding that I cannot make as it is a long weekend away (not possible for me) and the bride was quite unfair about it saying she was upset that not all of her bridesmaids would come.

We went to the bridesmaid dress fittings and selected our sizes from the pre selected dresses of her choice. the dresses were £250. Yesterday the bride messaged saying she was going to order them so can we all transfer the cash by the end of the day. I don't have that kind of money and I am just really shocked, surely if we were paying for our own it should be a dress of our own choice. I would never spend £250 on an item of clothing especially one that I will never wear again but what choice do I really have now? All the other bridesmaids have responded that they have transferred (it's a group Facebook chat) I have no idea what to say!

That is not the response of a friend.
It's nasty and shows no empathy or insight just complete self centred ness.
It is not normal to get bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses in the U.K. especially without discussing it in advance. If you can't afford a particular dress or number of bridesmaids you don't have them. Yes weddings can be expensive but they can also be reasonable - 'you cut your cloth accordingly' as they say.
I'd bail as I don't think she really gives a shit about your friendship she just wants to be a queen bee

Just send a reply saying 'in that case, I'll need to step down from bridesmaid duties. I would still love to come as a guest but I understand if that causes you a problem.'

I would love to say be really bitchy and rip her a new one but I probably wouldn't do that myself in your position...

I'd like to message the other bridesmaids but I don't know the others well as we know B2B from different circles so I wouldn't know who to message that wouldn't put my foot in it!

The fact they all seemed so reasonable was my reason for AIBU really as they all seemed so fast to reply and so forthcoming I thought maybe it was a done thing to pay for your own dress.

She has just shared a quote on Facebook about how you don't know who your real friends are until you plan a wedding

"you wouldn't understand the cost of a wedding" is the most ridiculous statement. So what? What's that got to do with the price of fish? The cost of her wedding is her own doing and if she can't afford the £1250 for the bridesmaids dresses, choose something cheaper. You don't transfer the cost of your champagne tastes on to your bridesmaids. She needs to get a grip and learn to budget.

She's a cock. Ditch the bitch.

DTB!

I think her reply is appalling. That comment about 'don't underestimate the cost of the wedding.' is just unbelievable. The cost of the wedding is her choice entirely. She is in complete control of that. It is outrageous to try to offload the costs of your (freely chosen) expensive wedding onto other people! It's like she expects you to regard it as your duty to subsidise her wedding!

She basically said, 'I know you are a single mum and can't afford all this, but neither can I and its my special day so cough up, bitch!'

I'm outraged on your behalf OP!

Pull out. There's loads more cash to come that she is going to expect you to transfer to her bank account if you don't.

Wow. This is not a friend. It is totally unreasonable to expect BMs to pay for dresses. She shouldn't be planning a wedding she can't afford to pay for herself. And her response to you is shocking. What a horror. Ditch her.

Oh gawd she sounds really nasty. That Facebook post is so childish! I’d reiterate you cannot and will not pay. And if this means you need to drop out then so be it. As others say, this may be the tip of the iceberg with costs and you can’t afford these types of miscommunications further down the line!

OP, I would step down for the last comment in her reply. She has no empathy for your situation. How many people get to re use a bridesmaid dress? Re-sale on ebay would be lucky to recoup a third .

Expecting a bank transfer for 250.00 in December from a single parent of two children - what planet is she on? I wouldn't be sticking around to hear all her me me me dramas when she starts her own family, not if treats you this way. She has four other bridesmaids, she'll be alright, people like that always are.

Put a link to this thread on her delightful FB quote 😇

If she posted that on Facebook I suggest you post a link to this thread underneath it

Shame there isn't a quite about 'not knowing your real friends until they become a Bridezilla'

Honestly, she sounds awful, please don't attempt to try to pay for it.

Such a rude reply. I would respond saying 'In the circumstances, I will withdraw from being your BM since I cannot afford the £250+ for the dress which it is unlikely I would ever wear again.' I would add something like 'as you point out, I may not understand the cost of a wedding but it appears you have zero understanding of the financial constraints of being a single parent despite us being friends for ...... years.

I would 'like' that on Facebook!

I’d be posting a message on the group chat letting them know you were stepping down and that you hadnt realised the financial burden of being a bridesmaid would be so high. That’ll get them all chatting between them about whether they should be paying so much too.

It's Christmas in a few short weeks!
I think she is being very selfish and not thinking of you as a friend at all!
I was a bridesmaid at the beginning of November and the bride paid for all the dresses and alterations... I paid for mine only because I'm pregnant (due in 2 weeks eek) and needed making bigger a few times lol
We did have a few meals out discussing wedding plans and things but it was always somewhere affordable for everyone

I would back out if I'm honest! It just sounds like added stress and money
Also I'm guessing if she's making you pay for the dress I presume your gonna be paying for your own hair & makeup to be done on the day too?

She who picks the dress pays for the dress. It's really just that simple.

Brides who want BM's to look like a platoon of moppets can pay for the privilege.

Tell her to fuck off and block her number.

Then post a stupid meme on FB about how you don't know who your friends are until they ask you to get in to debt you can't afford because they think they are more important than you. Then block her from FB too.

How nasty - that comment about the wedding was designed to sting. Some friend that is.

Just tell her you are stepping down as she isn't listening and you cannot afford it, plus it isn't obvious that you would all be paying for your dresses as brides generally pay for the BMs dresses. She sounds like a right bridezilla.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen Mon 03-Dec-18 19:46:35
Put a link to this thread on her delightful FB quote 😇

OMIGOD that would be the most amazing parting shot if you decided to end the friendship over her bitchery.

Maybe this will help: www.easyweddings.co.uk/articles/pays-bridesmaid-dresses-shoes/

Well, let's hope this cuntywanker gets dumped at the altar. She is no friend and behaved disgustingly! At tis rate, I would not even go to the wedding. That friendship is dead in the water, unless she grovels and massively apologises.

I got married for about £250 all in including a pizza afterwards with DD and DH! She is being highly unreasonable. And unkind, too.

What a cheeky, nasty, bitch.
Don't go to the wedding OP. If it was me I don't think I'd remain friends with someone so self centred. There's wanting the perfect wedding and there's being a spiteful cow and making a friend feel like shit because they can't afford to be your bridesmaid.

I expect the papers will pick this up and then you will be uninvited anyway. Good riddance to her.