To move my dd to another school, just because I am uncomfortable

[sizzledrizz]

Basically, I have been the subject of gossip since my dd was in reception. One of the mums took a disliking to me, fair enough, I don't expect everyone to like me. Unfortunately she knew a lot of other mums, while I kew no-one. But still I minded my own business, came to drop off and pick up.
i got friendly with some other mums, and it came out that this mum thought I was flirting with her husband. I definitely was not.
Soon all the mums were gossiping about me in any way they could. My clothes, my hair, anything to do with my appearance.
My dd is now in yr 4, and it has never stopped, it has in fact become much worse.
The original school mum, is friends with lots of other school mums, they all know a group of the teachers that live locally and the gossip has spread to the teachers. The teachers that they know are quite significant because they are yr4/5/6 teachers and will potentially be teaching my dd. This is a lot of teachers, almost every teacher for every class. Two in my dd's year, and then three the year above and every single one in yr 6.
I feel that I can not get away from the gossip and malicious rumours, and need to pull my dd out of school for both her and my good.
The almost clan like atmosphere affects a lot of things. One example is the school council, the same child was chosen to represent, even though he was elected the previous year (this is against school rules) and without an election (also against school rules) because the teacher knows the mother. I actually complained to the teacher and was fobbed off with an excuse. My dd is aware of all of this, understands that school rules were broken, and wanted a chance to run for school council. But now says there is no point.
I made a complaint to the SLT about this and numerous other issues, including a teacher sexually harassing me by staring and making kissing gestures, looking me up and down etc. and lots of other male teachers generally staring at me. I complained along the lines of this being unprofessional behaviour. Now all the teachers scowl at me, so they know it was me that complained.
I really think I want to pull my dd out of the school before it affect her. She is a bright and confident girl and deserves a fair chance.

They really are horrible people. I hate cliques of school mums.

It's quite unjust for you to feel you have to move your child because of lies, neither you nor her have done anything wrong and that would mean they won. However it might be easier to just disappear from these mean people's lives and see your daughter blossom.

How do you know they are gossiping about you? Do you know for sure for example if someone has told you, could they be shit stirring. Does it affect your daughter at all? Maybe the teachers are all just a bit wary of you after all the complaints

What an awful situation. If these bullies are affecting your dd through you I would move her without another thought. A fresh start for you both

I've only made one complaint to the SLT after it escalated. I just know they are gossiping about me, they're not very discreet.

That is what I think. If she stays there, it will just distinguish her. She could be so much

Extinguish her flame, that is

Won't the rumours follow you (and her) to the next school though?

No, I'm pretty certain that won't happen. My older two ds's go to a secondary with an attached primary, and none of the teachers are local. It's a new school and the teachers are from outside the area. And a different community from the the parents.

If you're sure about this, then move. Think carefully about whether you have exaggerated any of this through paranoia though (it's easy to let that happen once gossip starts).
Make sure that even if you have a similar problem at the next school you don't move your daughter again before secondary. I suggest you keep a low profile at the next school. At secondary, there is no need to have contact with other parents.

It may follow you
Stay where you are drop and go

Yep, I would move and start afresh somewhere else.
Complaining to the SLT about male teachers staring at you is a bit odd though - I would avoid doing that at your next school.

You must be gorgeous OP.

Lots of male teachers staring at you and one making kissing noises to you.

Really.

Are you Samantha Brick's prettier sister?

Do you think dd is being effected by it now?

sexual harassment has nothing to do with looks, stop being ridiculous

My dd has noticed favouritism, and just thinks it's not worth making effort in extra-curricular activities. so is missing out on oppurtunities

I wouldn’t move my child because of gossip.

I would definitely move my child if I thought there were teachers at the school engaging in sexual harassment.

Your priorities seem a bit mad to me. It’s the shit attitudes of teachers that mean you should move not some random other mum.

But yes in answer yes I would move my child. Easy for me though as I’m in a city and quite a few schools around.

You complained to the SLT you really are trying to keep a low profile.

Sorry I call BS. I just can't see a member of staff at a school, male or female, standing blowing kisses at a parent on the schoolyard. Didn't happen. School cliques can be awful but got to be honest - something doesn't ring true about your story and either you have exaggerated it deliberately for effect or you have exaggerated it without meaning to because you think everything revolves around some perceived dislike of you by parents and even teachers. I know a lot of teachers and none would be so unprofessional as to allow personal friendships with parents bleed into their professional lives. I think that if your daughter gets tied up in this, that's probably down to you not anyone else. To move her because of your issues seems selfish to me.

I think you either need to really distance yourself from the school or change school- or just stop caring what these silly people think.

I was always the outsider and it bothered me for several years then I distanced myself and gradually I didn’t care anymore

You must be gorgeous OP.

Lots of male teachers staring at you and one making kissing noises to you.

What an appalling thing to say! Would you say the same to someone who was talking about being secually harassed by a stranger? The OP is taking about a campaign of injustice and advise of power, of which this is one example. Your contribution is exactly the kind of thing that contributes to a culture in which women are expected to just put up with poor treatment by men.

This is an odd thread. If your daughter is unhappy, sort that. If you feel it's your problem, deal with it as a grown up would.

Yes. Move her and you can both start again. A move will give your DD a chance to be whoever she wants to. Do it as soon as you can.

How does your daughter feel about moving schools? Staying put could teach her resilience and you could encourage her to pull out all the stops to succeed?

Complaining to the slt may not have the desired effect because they are potentially part of the clique, complain to the governors and if that fails to the lea or academy trust

I am taking you at your word but have to admit the whole thing sounds very extreme. If this was happening to me i would absolutely definitely take my dd out but i would continue to pursue my complaint.

If you're 100% sure all of that is happening it sounds like an incredibly unprofessional place. I don't think I've ever heard anything like it in a school (yes there are sometimes nasty cliques of school mums but the teachers too?!). I certainly wouldn't move my DD due to gossipy mums - that's my problem however unfair and unpleasant but I wouldn't want her taught by people who sexually harass people or behave like they're still in school themselves.