To move my dd to another school, just because I am uncomfortable

[sizzledrizz]

Basically, I have been the subject of gossip since my dd was in reception. One of the mums took a disliking to me, fair enough, I don't expect everyone to like me. Unfortunately she knew a lot of other mums, while I kew no-one. But still I minded my own business, came to drop off and pick up.
i got friendly with some other mums, and it came out that this mum thought I was flirting with her husband. I definitely was not.
Soon all the mums were gossiping about me in any way they could. My clothes, my hair, anything to do with my appearance.
My dd is now in yr 4, and it has never stopped, it has in fact become much worse.
The original school mum, is friends with lots of other school mums, they all know a group of the teachers that live locally and the gossip has spread to the teachers. The teachers that they know are quite significant because they are yr4/5/6 teachers and will potentially be teaching my dd. This is a lot of teachers, almost every teacher for every class. Two in my dd's year, and then three the year above and every single one in yr 6.
I feel that I can not get away from the gossip and malicious rumours, and need to pull my dd out of school for both her and my good.
The almost clan like atmosphere affects a lot of things. One example is the school council, the same child was chosen to represent, even though he was elected the previous year (this is against school rules) and without an election (also against school rules) because the teacher knows the mother. I actually complained to the teacher and was fobbed off with an excuse. My dd is aware of all of this, understands that school rules were broken, and wanted a chance to run for school council. But now says there is no point.
I made a complaint to the SLT about this and numerous other issues, including a teacher sexually harassing me by staring and making kissing gestures, looking me up and down etc. and lots of other male teachers generally staring at me. I complained along the lines of this being unprofessional behaviour. Now all the teachers scowl at me, so they know it was me that complained.
I really think I want to pull my dd out of the school before it affect her. She is a bright and confident girl and deserves a fair chance.

Are you sure they are gossiping about you? People have lots and lots of things to chat about including issues in their own personal lives. I wonder if you’re taking their looks personally but their minds are on other things.

Not all the teachers are gossiping about me, just a group that seem to socialise with parents, and are on friendly terms with them

What are they saying about you? And how is it you know that they're gossiping about you? It's doesn't sound like you have any allies within the school, so how do you know what the teachers are up to?

Unless this is a seriously strange school, I don't think moving to another school is going to solve your problems I'm afraid, I think they'll come with you.

Also, your dd is y4 now. At our school, the children walk to and from school on their own from summer of y4. So, you won't have to do the school run for much longer.

Besides anyone who is an awful gossip will be well known throughout the school as an awful gossip because they will be gossiping about everyone and everything. It’s wont be just you they are talking about. They will have a reputation and nobody will truely trust them. Acquaintances might be nice in order to keep them on side

I doubt people will have spent years gossiping about you - they’d have got bored of it soon enough and moved on to the next person.

The fact that you think you notice all this gossiping makes me believe that you’re actually staring at the teachers. They’re probably looking at you because YOU are looking at them.

When did the teacher make the kissy noises to you - hard to believe it was in school?

In the nicest possible way you are over-estimating your importance to these people.
They really are not thinking about you at all.
In fact barely noticing you. They have other things to think about.
You are not that interesting or entertaining to them.

I'd pull her out because if this is true the staff sound completely unprofessional, so I'd move schools because of that. I've never really noticed what other parents think of me at school, I don't really care so rumours wouldn't bother me unless they were causing problems for my children.

The men are not all staring at you, the women are not all gossiping about you. You sound either very self involved or like you've lost tough with reality. You need to take a step back and think about what's likely here because your story doesn't make any sense.

OP, have you ever been diagnosed with mental illness at all?

This happened to me. Someone who made sure most people thought the sun shone out of her arse spread nasty rumors about me, and it caused me problems at my childs school for ages. I would move her if you can. Most people will think you’re paranoid if you tell them about it so just don’t. The people telling you how this could never happen might have this happen to them one day. Hope you’re ok.

How do you know what they are saying ? You seem to know an awful lot about their comments, considering that you are not in their clique.

What the actual fuck are some of these replies.

Good on you op for complaining about the males! Fucks sake we stand here and fight for women’s rights not to be sexualised at every bloody moment then we’ve got a bunch of women going on like this. It’s absolutely disgusting. What the hell. I can’t even comprehend that, makes me sick a bit in my mouth. Jesus.

There’s a mum at my children’s school who sounds just like you. She’s really paranoid (without any cause as far as I can see) about parents and teachers and it makes it very difficult to be around her. It also has a massive impact on her children.
I can guarantee most parents and teachers really don’t have time for this sort of (perceived) behaviour. The odd parent is a mean gossip, but the majority drop and run, and have enough worries of their own to even engage beyond the most superficial of greetings.
You do sound as though you might need some help OP.

What the actual fuck are some of these replies

Well, a lot of them are people thinking that the mass bitching and sexual harassment of the OP by everyone in the yard and a notable proportion of the staff seems improbable.

I'm still now sure if this guy the OP is accused of flirting with, is the same one she was accused of having an affair with?

If you think it would be better for DD, find out whether there's a place for her at the primary school near her older siblings' secondary school. Presumably this would make life simpler for you anyway.
I hope you have a trusted friend to talk to about how you are feeling.

Op, you seem to have quite bad anzxisty and paranoia.

I believe that what you're saying is true, but I doubt it's as bad as you're imagining. Most teachers are smart enough to ignore gossip.

So you’re being sexually harassed by numerous staff members but this isn’t the main reason why you want to move your child to a different school - it’s merely a side issue. The main reason is that you think people are gossiping about you

I was feeling sympathy for you until the comments about all the male teachers looking at you? Really? I find this very hard to believe. I do wonder whether you could be imagining at this some of this. Mums can definitely be cliquey (and that is horrible) but your story sounds unbelievable.

In my experience teachers also avoid fraternising with parents if they can help it!

Why such disbelief? Maybe it isn’t on the scale the op thinks but why are people laughing and taking the piss? Shit like this does happen, if it hasn’t happened to you that’s great but doesn’t mean it can’t or hasn’t. I have anxiety so can well believe it’s being perceived as more than it is but if it’s making her uncomfortable it isn’t good.

OP you say your daughter has started to notice favouritism, TBH that happens in a lot of schools & in life. My personal view is to help your DD deal with that rather than move schools. She's yr4 & isn't being affected so far, it could go horribly wrong moving her & then what do you do?

School mums can be a bitchy lot but my experience, unless you are providing ongoing gossip for them, they probably aren't discussing you, more giving you a dirty look to let you know 'you ain't in the circle of trust'. Would you honestly want to be? Hold your head up high & think f*ck em!

OP I feel for you, it’s not a nice thing to be feeling ...I second in having a chat with your GP.

I have a close relative who has a paranoid disorder and it sounds similar to your story.

This might be your take on the situation, but I doubt everyone else would see it this way. You might need to talk with a professional outside the school setting.

I have a relative who has these kinds of delusions. She imagines that people have been saying all sorts about her, has overheard people saying the most horrendous things about her, how untidy her house is, how she abused her children (who are now adults) the list is endless. Thing is, none of it actually ever happened, she has a paranoid disorder and these episodes occur when she’s stopped taking her medication for some reason.

She even told family that another family member had died on one occasion,so when this person actually did die the family had to verify it first as they couldn’t be sure that it was true.

The thing is, the more you keep up the outward belief that this stuff is happening to you, the more people will likely look and even talk because they daren’t say anything to you in case it is misconstrued etc.

You need to go and see your gp about these delusions, because they are almost certainly delusions. The alternative is that if everyone has been gossiping about you for the past four years then it is something about you not them.