To move my dd to another school, just because I am uncomfortable

[sizzledrizz]

Basically, I have been the subject of gossip since my dd was in reception. One of the mums took a disliking to me, fair enough, I don't expect everyone to like me. Unfortunately she knew a lot of other mums, while I kew no-one. But still I minded my own business, came to drop off and pick up.
i got friendly with some other mums, and it came out that this mum thought I was flirting with her husband. I definitely was not.
Soon all the mums were gossiping about me in any way they could. My clothes, my hair, anything to do with my appearance.
My dd is now in yr 4, and it has never stopped, it has in fact become much worse.
The original school mum, is friends with lots of other school mums, they all know a group of the teachers that live locally and the gossip has spread to the teachers. The teachers that they know are quite significant because they are yr4/5/6 teachers and will potentially be teaching my dd. This is a lot of teachers, almost every teacher for every class. Two in my dd's year, and then three the year above and every single one in yr 6.
I feel that I can not get away from the gossip and malicious rumours, and need to pull my dd out of school for both her and my good.
The almost clan like atmosphere affects a lot of things. One example is the school council, the same child was chosen to represent, even though he was elected the previous year (this is against school rules) and without an election (also against school rules) because the teacher knows the mother. I actually complained to the teacher and was fobbed off with an excuse. My dd is aware of all of this, understands that school rules were broken, and wanted a chance to run for school council. But now says there is no point.
I made a complaint to the SLT about this and numerous other issues, including a teacher sexually harassing me by staring and making kissing gestures, looking me up and down etc. and lots of other male teachers generally staring at me. I complained along the lines of this being unprofessional behaviour. Now all the teachers scowl at me, so they know it was me that complained.
I really think I want to pull my dd out of the school before it affect her. She is a bright and confident girl and deserves a fair chance.

OP doesn’t say the male teacher made the kissing noises in the playground. I was imagining passing in a corridor or something with no one else in the immediate vicinity.

It’s obvious though surely that if a teacher shows himself capable of opportunistic predatory behaviour - remove your child.

i got friendly with some other mums, and it came out that this mum thought I was flirting with her husband. I definitely was not.

Is this a different husband to the one you were accused of having an actual affair with?

Are you really suggesting all the teachers are so unprofessional they sit around gossiping with parents and then blowing you kisses?

In the nicest way, are you sure this is actually happening, and isn't just in your head?
All seems rather odd if I'm honest.

I find the teachers thing very hard to believe, especially if there is more than one doing this. Is this for real?

I don’t understand why you care. If the teachers school in general are unprofessional and that is your concern that’s one thing but who cares if people gossip about you?

Replying to bs call out

“I know a lot of teachers and none would be so unprofessional as to allow personal friendships”

I am glad the teachers you know are professional but to say that all teachers are professional based on the few you know is unlikely. They are human and as venial as everybody else. Sexual harassment by a teacher needs to be reported.

Would advise you to go with your gut feeling. Cliquey primary schools are not good environments - my dd was in one and was bullied. Moved her to a kinder school. I think mums can overthink schools and over worry about moving children. My only regret looking back is not moving dd sooner. Schools can be toxic environments.

If this is completely true i would definitely move my child. Not because of gossip,fuck that, but I wouldn't want my kid in a school with unprofessional,gossipy,sexual harassing staff.

I think you should chat about this with your GP. It is common for people to start thinking that everyone is conspiring against them just before a breakdown.
Op please try to objectively think what is most likely. 1. Everyone at a school is dishonest and vile and specifically hates you. Or 2. You are suffering from paranoia.

I have a family member with mental health issues and the sign, of the start, of another crisis is when they start talking about groups of people conspiring against them.
I am not being flippant. I genuinely think you need to talk to a health care professional for the sake of you and your DD.

This is all very difficult to believe. You actually sound very paranoid.

Schools are very closely linked-I know teachers at just about every local school so if-as you say-everyone’s talking about you at this school for some reason, the next school will get to hear about it.

Op you haven’t mentioned what your daughter wants. This is all about you and how uncomfortable you feel at the school. If your daughter is happy there then yes Yabu for wanting to move her to make yourself feel comfortable.

People gossiping about you seems to be a common problem. You have been accused of having an affair, your mother told everyone you were pregnant when your periods stiooed due to anorexia then she told people your boobs grew because you were sleeping around. In the nicest possible way OP I think you may need to talk these things through with someone.

While I’m not entirely convinced that this story is not a little embellished either deliberately or through paranoia because of the gossip I will say I know a lot of teachers through work and socially and it can and does happen when the teachers live in the direct area they teach in that lines become very blurred and favouritism does happen. One school I can think of it is very bad with a small handful of the teachers. It’s a small area so these teachers do live close and their friends and friend’s children are very much in the clique and others gossiped about. It’s my least favourite school to work with. It’s rare but it does happen. Teachers are people too and there are unprofessional and downright awful people in every job.

That should say stopped

So, let me get this straight... when your dc was in Reception, this other mum thought you were flirting with her DP.

And four + years later, all the mums (and now the teachers too) are continually gossiping and spreading rumours about you?

All of them? What are they saying about you?

Teachers stare at you and give you kissing gestures?

Are you sure you’re not just confusing angry glares with kisses and up and down looks?!

The gossip has been going on for years now. I've only recently been thinking about moving my daughter, due to the favouritism and her noticing it all and so becoming unhappy and losing her enthusiasm. The latest thing was not wanting to even try out for the drama club, because she thinks there is no point. It is difficult to see.
I have wondered if I'm being paranoid about he gossip etc. and it isn't a major player in my decision, but I will admit it bothers me and I have no idea how to deal with it.
But I want my daughter to flourish

They are all out to get you.

Does the same thing happen at work? The supermarket? The pub?

Not all the teachers are gossiping about me, just a group that seem to socialise with parents, and are on friendly terms with them.
Some of them do glare at me angrily, some snigger and turn their heads away. Some stare. That is all

Either you are imagining this or there is something seriously wrong with this school.

I can understand parents gossiping a bit - but teachers behaving like they are in a benny hill movie is bizarre. The male teacher who was making kissy faces at you should not be teaching, and of the other male teachers are all staring at you there is something very working st this school. Or you are imagining it.

Have you made any genuine friends, or do you have close family, who you could talk this through with. See how much is real and how much you might be blowing out of proportion? I am a little concerned that you might be getting things out of proportion.

I am sure there is a way through this. But please talk it out with someone you trust.

Well, I'm going to speak to my dd during the week about what she wants, and apply to another local school.
I am aware that some of the stuff from teachers may follow me, but I have to try.
Thanks to all the posters that actually tried to give me a decent opinion.

Is there something in the water today?

Ok assuming it is as you say, yes I would pull my daughter because real or embellished, it’s affecting her. Whatever you do next I would make damn sure this is her last move and do whatever it takes to make that happen, even if it means just dropping off at school and not getting involved with the parents at the new school. It will be hard to be the centre of gossip if you give them nothing to gossip about

I really can’t believe that parents have been talking about you for years.

You’re not that special, really.

I would echo other posters OP and suggest seeing your GP.

Im a mental health nurse of many many years , and you don't sound well