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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move my dd to another school, just because I am uncomfortable

104 replies

sizzledrizz · 02/12/2018 21:52

Basically, I have been the subject of gossip since my dd was in reception. One of the mums took a disliking to me, fair enough, I don't expect everyone to like me. Unfortunately she knew a lot of other mums, while I kew no-one. But still I minded my own business, came to drop off and pick up.
i got friendly with some other mums, and it came out that this mum thought I was flirting with her husband. I definitely was not.
Soon all the mums were gossiping about me in any way they could. My clothes, my hair, anything to do with my appearance.
My dd is now in yr 4, and it has never stopped, it has in fact become much worse.
The original school mum, is friends with lots of other school mums, they all know a group of the teachers that live locally and the gossip has spread to the teachers. The teachers that they know are quite significant because they are yr4/5/6 teachers and will potentially be teaching my dd. This is a lot of teachers, almost every teacher for every class. Two in my dd's year, and then three the year above and every single one in yr 6.
I feel that I can not get away from the gossip and malicious rumours, and need to pull my dd out of school for both her and my good.
The almost clan like atmosphere affects a lot of things. One example is the school council, the same child was chosen to represent, even though he was elected the previous year (this is against school rules) and without an election (also against school rules) because the teacher knows the mother. I actually complained to the teacher and was fobbed off with an excuse. My dd is aware of all of this, understands that school rules were broken, and wanted a chance to run for school council. But now says there is no point.
I made a complaint to the SLT about this and numerous other issues, including a teacher sexually harassing me by staring and making kissing gestures, looking me up and down etc. and lots of other male teachers generally staring at me. I complained along the lines of this being unprofessional behaviour. Now all the teachers scowl at me, so they know it was me that complained.
I really think I want to pull my dd out of the school before it affect her. She is a bright and confident girl and deserves a fair chance.

OP posts:
Sleephead1 · 03/12/2018 06:45

I think you need to separate the issues. Firstly can I just ask you said you did make some friends is this still the case ? or was this the person who thought you flirted with her husband ? I do absolutely believe someone can take a instant dislike to you for many reasons and if she already knew lots of people I understand why it would be horrid for you but what are they still saying 4 years on ? how do you know they are talking about you ? When I was younger I was judged harshly on how i looked I wore very heavy dramatic make up , piercings and not a lot of clothes and I was judged on it. So many people told me they thought I would be a bitch , said I seemed stuck up or told me they didn't like me when we first met. So I do think people can make snap decisions and judge you unfairly. Is the fact the mums don't like you stopping your daughter making friends , stopping party invites ECT? The second issue is the male teachers are they all staring at you ? Where and in what situation did one blow a kiss at you ? Was it in school ? What was the outcome of your complaint? I would be very concerned about the school if teachers are harassing parents. The last part is your daughter starting to notice favouritism to be honest my little boy is younger so no expirience but I've seen loads of threads on here about this issue so it may be the case st others schools aswell. My last point would be what does your daughter think about moving ? is she happy to move or would she prefer to stay at current school? if she wants to stay I would try to encourage her to keep trying and not give up , praise her efforts and try and just keep your head down at pick up and drop off and get through the last couple of years. If she would prefer to move I would see some other schools and see if any have space. Do you have any friends or family you can discuss this with to see their take on it ?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/12/2018 06:52

Have you discussed with your DD a potential move ? And has the other school got places ? It’s worth doing some prep work , getting her in waiting list etc

Yanbu . But in the meantime what can you do to avoid this ? I work FT so rarely drop and manange to avoid slot of the politics

Sorry but there do you live where this malicious stuff persist / it sounds shocking

Yanbu to want a fresh start

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/12/2018 06:57

Some places have horrible bullying communities . It does exist ! Just because people can’t comprehend a situation no need to flame OP

twattymctwatterson · 03/12/2018 07:16

Op isn't being flamed op. People are expressing a genuine concern this could be a mh condition. The fact that op isn't engaging with those comments speaks volumes to me

erykahb · 03/12/2018 07:17

Aw OP I would change schools too.

A lot of teachers can be unprofessional this way- no need at all to flame OP.

Do what's best for you and DD.

PadawanCat · 03/12/2018 07:23

Nobody is flaming the OP. People are, quite rightly, concerned about her mental health. In addition to the content, the language and tone of her original post suggest that she may be experiencing some element of paranoia and/or delusions. This isn’t a matter for flaming, but to encourage OP to get the most appropriate kind of help - and to help her daughter. Otherwise moving schools won’t make one bit of difference, it will become a pattern that repeats.

Holidayshopping · 03/12/2018 07:31

A lot of teachers can be unprofessional this way

A lot? Really? Hmm

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2018 08:20

I can assure you my comment alluding to mental health issues was not to flame or be unkind. Quite the opposite.
Sometimes when you're caught up in something, it's useful to have an alternative, unemotive, viewpoint to consider.

TranmereRover · 03/12/2018 08:30

Having witnessed similar at a school, I believe the OP (have seen a situation where the bully parents threw a dinner party for school parents with after dinner entertainment which was a screening of an adult movie they’d discovered another mother had done years in the past. Total dick move based on jealousy that she was hotter than them and had a lovely husband with zillions in the bank I’m sure; she was -is- an extremely nice woman). The head became aware and presumably some teachers and it became intolerable so she moved her DC. Best for the family because that kind of bully will influence the way their kids interact with the target’s offspring.

The favouritism? Happens in every school regardless of rumour and inter parental bullying

Pinkyyy · 03/12/2018 08:41

I'm sorry but I think this thread is ridiculous. So male teachers blow kisses at you in front of all of the other parents at pick up time, and nobody else has seen? Oh but they're all out to get you I forgot. OP stop being paranoid, it's having a negative effect on your daughter.

Shambu · 03/12/2018 08:52

These comments about 'flaming' are naive.

There are red flags in OP's posts that indicate she may be suffering from paranoia and delusional beliefs. What she's describing is quite typical. It's very important that she gets help asap, at the very least this should be ruled out.

OP if you have a CPN or a psychiatrist I would ring them and summarise what you'd told us here. If not, I would take everything you've written to your GP and talk to them.

erykahb · 03/12/2018 08:56

Yes, a lot,

I have encountered a few that have been this unprofessional, my DS1 yr1 teacher used to try to add my social media & send me direct messages often.

I doubt OP has any mh issues.

As for the other parents, mums in the playground can be fucking awful

QuackPorridgeBacon · 03/12/2018 09:02

Telling people to “stop being paranoid” is going to work wonders, thank you..

BumsexAtTheBingo · 03/12/2018 09:08

To the people who think what the op is saying is possibly true she isn’t talking about a clique of mums and a couple of unprofessional teachers. She is saying that every single mum at the school has been gossiping about her for years along with nearly all of the teachers and she has also been sexually harassed by ‘lots’ of the male members of staff.
How likely is this really????

itsnowthewaitinggame · 03/12/2018 09:11

Move your daughter

Guessing about whether the I made a complaint to the SLT about this and numerous other issues, including a teacher sexually harassing me by staring and making kissing gestures, looking me up and down etc. and lots of other male teachers generally staring at me is real or not isn't helpful to you. To you it's real. If it happened to me I'd escalate a complaint

titchy · 03/12/2018 09:19

Why such disbelief?

Advance search the OP....

Pinkyyy · 03/12/2018 09:43

@titchy how do you actually do that? I always notice people being able to look up people's posting history but have never figured out how to do it myselfBlush

Avegemitesandwich · 03/12/2018 10:11

If the OP is real then that school has a serious problem. Teachers getting together with parents and gossiping about a specific parent? Multiple male teachers sexually harassing a specific parent? If this is true then I would be taking my DD out, not because of the gossiping etc but because the school sounds like it is staffed by totally unprofessional weirdos who I would not want to be around my child.

However, I think I am more in the 'most of this is in your head' camp, and the way your OP reads just doesn't really ring true.

Holidayshopping · 03/12/2018 10:17

I have encountered a few that have been this unprofessional

Oh, that sort of lots.

Pinkyyy · 03/12/2018 10:21

I'm interested to know whether people perceive someone blowing a kiss to be sexual harassment?

H1dingInSight · 03/12/2018 10:49

The problem is that this is a binary situation.

Either the OP is telling the truth, in which case she should remove her DD from a terrible school.

Or it’s not true, in which case removing her DD from the school might be depriving her of the most stable place in her short life, where her teachers can support her.

I don’t see how anyone can safely advise on this thread.

Whatthefunk · 03/12/2018 11:05

I found nothing in advanced search...

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/12/2018 12:26

@whatthefunk OP has previously posted a mum accused her of having an affair with her husband. Also when she was 15 her periods stopped due to anorexia but her Mum told everyone she was pregnant. Then her boobs grew and her mum told everyone it was because she was sleeping around.

erykahb · 03/12/2018 12:37

Holidayshopping

LOTS. I imagine LOTS of teachers can be unprofessional. As I have came across some as has OP.
I highly doubt we are the only people either.

Jesus, you people need to get laid or go for a jog Hmm

erykahb · 03/12/2018 12:38

Why does it matter what OP has previously posted!!

It's real to her and it's causing her a problem.

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