To contact my DC half siblings mothers?

[Whyislarryhappy]

My dp has 2 DC by 2 other women, these are the siblings of our 2dc. I would love for my dc to know they have an older brother and older sister. And I think it would be nice for the other 2 to know they have a little brother and little sister!
My dp doesn't see his other dc because the mother's will not let him, its been through court ect and nothing was ever sorted. He now feels he doesn't see the point, obv it gets him down because his daughter will be 17 next year and his son will be 10 and he doesn't even know if they remember him or what's been told to them about him.
I really want to drop both mother's a message explaining who I am and to let them know their daughter/son has half siblings. Aibu?

But that forces their father back into their lives.

Plover have you considered that it could be very dangerous for these families were the husband to find out their whereabouts?

That's not my experience, if the mothers arrange the meet ups.

I have no words!

Presumably OP already HAS their whereabouts?

Even if there is an injunction against the father, the siblings' right to a relationship should at least be considered by the mothers.

Did you read all the OP’s posts @Ploverlover?!

I disagree that in this case there is a benefit to sibling contact. Hearing the little ones chatting about Daddy could be very upsetting to a 10 year old who has already suffered significant upheaval.

I will say this... I would refuse to get involved with any man who just gave up on his children because it was difficult ... They are his children and he effectively walked away. He doesn't even pay for them. Is he putting money aside even?

What on earth makes you think the exact same thing won't happen with your children?

Seriously could you walk away from your children.. We'll he has proved that he can and will, think about that!! You only have his word on what happened previously, well perhaps his mother but then she's His mother. There may be sooo much he isn't telling you, beware.

When you mention he's helped you given what you were before, it doesn't make me think he's a decent guy, it makes me think he preyed on someone vulnerable, who now is trapped with two more of his kids and he'll move on when he feels like it.

Yes?

I agree, the dad sounds awful, and OP wilfully fooling herself.

But knowing your siblings can be a good thing. Offering contact to the mothers/carers of the other siblings at least offers it. They are the only people who can say whether it's beneficial or not, not us on SM. I'm not saying contact is always beneficial, but that the children do have rights to know each other separate to their father, and the only people who can weigh that up is the mothers (or uncle, in this case).

However terrible the father is, I think I'M inbu to contact the mothers.

Were she talking about contacting the children directly, I'd think differently. But the mothers are adults, and should behave like adults.

OP, you are an absolute mug if you believe this pile of steaming shit.

OP, not I'm. I will certainly not be contacting OP's children's siblings!

YABU wanting to contact either child or their guardians/parents.
Your DH should be paying maintenance for his son, using the excuse that his DS’s mum would have drank it is a bit hollow not that he lives with his uncle.
It’s not excusable for a man to make no provision for his children. It’s a totally scummy thing to do and if he gave two shits he’d be putting money aside whether their mums accepted it or not

When I met my soon to be ex h he had 2 older children he didn't see because the mother wouldn't let him...I naively believed his story until our marriage broke down a d i then realised what the first wife went through and realised enough effort hadn't been made. Tbf, he has stepped up to the mark with our dc but I am well aware it is his doing completely that he doesn't have contact with his first children.

Stay out of it, there is a reason he doesn't see them and it's not what he's telling you

Have you actually had one thought about how that might actually make the other children feel?

I agree with the poster who talked about rubbing their noses in it.

Leave it well alone

If I were the other children's mother, I would want to make the decision about whether to respond to OP, though, and not strangers on SM.

Those poor kids. They don't stand a chance.

All I can say is - I hope you have a well paid job and supportive friends OP. Because you will need them when dead beat dad moves on to partner number four.

If you were the other children's mother and had to move house because your ex's new wife (and therefore he) knew your whereabouts you may think differently.

Waitrose, did I miss where OP said that was the case? If she doesn't know the whereabouts of one of the mothers, why is she asking about contacting them?

And surely if that is the case, the mother wants to know OP and ex know where she lives? Better that than her not knowing they know?

I really hope you are financially independent and would be able to manage if he walked out tomorrow.

So he was ‘messing around with cocaine’ to the extent he couldn’t even get himself together for half an hour a fortnight for some supervised contact? He couldn’t be arsed op admit it.
And no he’s not a good dad. Good dads don’t choose some of their children to be good to.

I really don't understand how people keep having children with losers like this. They must be one hell of a shag, because I can't see any other redeeming features in him.