To contact my DC half siblings mothers?

[Whyislarryhappy]

My dp has 2 DC by 2 other women, these are the siblings of our 2dc. I would love for my dc to know they have an older brother and older sister. And I think it would be nice for the other 2 to know they have a little brother and little sister!
My dp doesn't see his other dc because the mother's will not let him, its been through court ect and nothing was ever sorted. He now feels he doesn't see the point, obv it gets him down because his daughter will be 17 next year and his son will be 10 and he doesn't even know if they remember him or what's been told to them about him.
I really want to drop both mother's a message explaining who I am and to let them know their daughter/son has half siblings. Aibu?

Aside from the points already made, I met my half siblings when I was 13 and, whilst curiosity kept the relationship going for a short while, it didn't work out. Blood is not thicker than water! They already had their own family unit and we had absolutely nothing in common. Telling a child at 10 or 17 won't change their lives. Like me, they might be curious but there will be absolutely no bond there. The same happened with my DC, they met their half siblings in their late teens when their dad died. Again, nothing in common and no shared bond of having grown up together. There is nothing to gain from this. And your partners older kids do likely resent him for not being there for them and that will add another negative dynamic. Leave well alone.

Also if his second child had a relationship with him as you say they would have been placed with him if the mother was unfit. Ss will always keep a child with a parent unless they are unsuitable.

Does he pay towards his children?

Agree with what others have said.

My Ds has an older half brother . Neither see their dad.

I would never date anyone again who doesn’t see their child.

This is not going to end up you all playing happy families.

There is a lot you don’t know

I would do it

but be prepared to hear stuff you probably don't want to hear

Yeah, 4 kids by 3 women - were any of them even married to him, it sounds like you aren't - not much of a catch is he? That alone would make me question his commitment vs being a deadbeat 'baby daddy'.
Fact is, he is legally entitled to see his children, and there is legal aid. He really doesn't have an excuse, I think he just doesn't care less or is hiding the real truth from you.

I think it's safe to say your husband has not told you anything like half the story. You need to contact his exes, not so your respective kids can all play happy families, but because you need to know why two women who had relationships with him and children with him 'don't let' him see those children. You need to know this so you know whether your own children are safe.

The reason for Ex No 1 certainly will NOT be because her parents have bribed her not to (who the fuck does that? And even if it's true, why on earth would they have taken against him so badly?) or because her current DH is terrified that if the children spend time with their father his wife will be hypnotised by your husband's magic willy and run off with him. Those are such outlandish excuses I am honestly astounded you give them even a moment's credence tbh. Maybe he really DOES have a magic willy if he can persuade you to uncritically accept such a bizarre load of rubbish without proof. As to Ex No 2, 'that mad bitch ex wife" is such a classic again I'd bee surprised if you'd accepted without proof. And as others have said if she had had her child taken from her, as father he should have been the first choice to take responsibility and would have been contacted unless there were very good reasons why not.

All in all he sounds fishy as fuck and I'd be worried.

You say at the start "it's been through the court" then later admit it hasn't (at least in case of DC2). So you are obviously aware the first thing any right thinking person will want to know is WHY your husband hasn't made the effort to be in touch with his kids, and the justified opprobrium that will fall on him for this.

I would be willing to bet one of two scenarios: (a) he's never been near the family court in his life, was a waste of skin as a dad and allowed his children to drift away when his exes did what they could to shut him out of their lives. That's your good option. Option (b) is that he has indeed been to court over access and the outcome went against him. That would be extremely strange, even demonstrably shit and dangerous fathers are usually given some limited access to their children if they fight for it.

The simple way of establishing this (without harassing his exes and their children) would be to ask to see the court documents. If he doesn't have any, or won't let you see them, then you know you are dealing with either a liar or something even more sinister.

Tbh as well as never entering into a relationship with someone who didn’t see his children I have reservations about the kind of woman who knowingly enters into a relationship and has children with a man who doesn’t see their existing kids.

Why would anyone continue to have children with someone knowing they already have children and don’t see them in fact were willing to be paid off not to see them. The woman is as bad as the man in this situation IMO.

It’s a bit convenient isn’t it two separate women who refuse contact and he fought through courts and still got nothing. I’m guessing this happened prior to you being on the scene. I wouldn’t be surprised if he spun you a line of being the victim. Don’t throw a bomb in these kids life’s.

Why didn't he contact social services when he discovered that his ex had lost custody? That wouldn't have cost him any money.

In fact your whole OP is about it being nice for the kids to have siblings. Shouldn't your focus really be on the fact that they have no relationship with their father? Why would they be interested in your kids when the common link doesn't bother with them?

He doesn't see a point?! They're his children. Your DP is a deadbeat.

There is no way a mother can just decide that a father cannot see the children. Your DP is lazy. And I doubt it would be much longer until you find that your "d"P mysteriously doesn't see a point to stay with you and support your children.

Just seen that the child who is living with an uncle is 10. He has written off his 10 year old who isn't living with either parent. What a prince.

This man “couldn’t afford” court fees or liaise with social services about residency of his DC when his ex was unwell, but could afford to have DC3 with a new partner!

How would anyone contact him if no one knew where he lived and had no phone number for him though?
When we found out about his ds living with his uncle. My dp hasn't seen his ds for over 4 years now, he's settled in school and we live over 2hours away from where he was living with his mum (uncle doesn't live too fat away from school)

If you contact the other mothers of your boyfriends other children you will open a can of worms about the behaviour of your boyfriend you cannot close.

I guarantee your boyfriend is lying to you.

Does dp want you to do this? If not stay clear. We're there any injunctions dv or other reasons he doesn't have contact. If not and he doesn't mind, why should you not. You may get abuse.

does he pay maintenance?

Does it not worry you that the mums don’t want him involved??

My dp doesn't see his other dc because the mother's will not let him, its been through court ect and nothing was ever sorted.

Yeah right

I had a friend like you, in same situation. Guess what happened? Yes, he left her too, with a son with SEN and just fucked off to live at other end of country (getting another woman pregnant within 2 years)

Actually, yes, I think you should contact the other mothers, but I expect you will manage to convince yourself that everything they say is all lies.

OP when did he find out his son was living with his uncle and what action did he take? Do you really think your partner has done enough here, or behaved well to his older children?

"How would anyone contact him if no one knew where he lived and had no phone number for him though?"

There is a thing called Court. Or Family Court. When they receive an order/a claimant/a request for a hearing, they, meaning the Court, track the other parent down. Also, I gathered he hasn't even bothered with the phone book, or Facebook? These days it is impossible not to be able to track someone down. No one is truly untraceable these days, and even for those that are, that is the law's job to track them down.

You know that either he's decided not to give a shit about his DCs once the relationship with the mother ends, or his behaviour at the end of a relationship is so terrible, no one thinks it's in the children's best interest to have a relationship with him.

That 2 sets of extended family have done everything to keep him away from the children - including with the younger once the mother is unable to care for his child - suggests the latter.

Be prepared to have to run if your relationship with him ends. That sort of reaction from 2 separate families suggests violence. It might be fine between you, but twice before it's gone very, very wrong. Money in your own name, (that he doesn't know about, enough for you and DCs to last for 2 months) copies of paperwork like birth certificates, passports scanned and saved on email somewhere.

I believe the 1st time he went through courts he did so with his mum. He lost because he was messing around with cocaine. His mum didn't get close when his dds mum was perfectly fit to look after dd.
He used to pay maintenance. With his dd, her mum came to an agreement where he did not have to pay, he wanted to, he did, he'd send money to her and shed send it straight back. He even posted money through her letterbox and she posted it to his muns house ripped up.
The 2nd child, again he used to give her money, she would spent it on alcohol for herself, if he bought clothes for their son, she would not be interested, she wouldn't give them to him, she would sell them and openly admit this. So no he doesn't pay anymore. Would you? I wouldn't give money to someone for dc if they spent it on alcohol.

I can solidly predict this prince pays absolutely no maintenance.

Probably uses the ''I'm not paying for her lifestyle'' line that most of these absolute wasters come out with.