Mother of god I'm seriously going to lose my shit

[imgoingtoloosemymind]

Help help help

I have an 8 year old dd who is amazingly bright and whom I love with every fibre of my being. She is my whole world. But fuck I'm so fucking frustrated with her.
She does. Not. Fucking. Listen. To. Me.

It can be anything... DD can you please bring XYZ downstairs?
She will lift X and Y, and walk past Z. I'll remind her 3 times. She'll still forget.

Last week we were in the kitchen. She was reaching for a glass in the cupboard. I could see that she was going to knock it flying.
I asked her 4 times... 4.... stop... step back and be careful. Did she listen? No! She knocked the glass over and 2 others with it. Smashed all over the counter top.

We are sitting watching telly this evening. She's drinking lemonade from quite a thin wine glass style tumbler. I noticed she was tapping it with her teeth. 3 times I had to ask her to stop doing it. 3 times. Next thing I looked and the glass is in about 5 pieces in her hand. She done exactly as predicted and broke the glass with her teeth!!! Thankfully she wasn't hurt.

I'm beside myself with frustration.

When we are with family or out and about she will need to be told the same thing 4 and 5 times. It's so tedious and it's wearing me down.

She is otherwise bright, popular, funny, creative, kind etc. But she will not fucking listen to me. Help! Any ideas?

I don't even know what my aibu is... maybe it's aibu to fucking run to the moon???? 😫😫😫

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prefrontal-nudity/201204/shaping-your-kids-brain-success

There's nothing whatsoever wrong with using Sen strategies whether you have any diagnosis or not. They're often clear, logical and cut straight to the issue.
Eldest is asd, youngest isn't but the Sen communication tools have worked well for both.

As another side note, we have M&S plastic tumblers which look just like glass. The dcs can take them into the garden or to their rooms without me fretting. I don't think I'll ever switch them. Glass is a bugger to clear up and Dp is equally clumsy.

If you can't handle the issues maybe getting rid of yours kids to a boarding school or a foreign school. At least they will be out of your way and you can stop fouling verbally.

ace How totally uncalled for and unhelpful.

Yep it’s frustrating I often wondered if I should record myself and play it back to mine. Thank goodness my youngest is 16 but seriously years and years of getting up for school and repeating myself over and over. Get dressed, brush your teeth, eat your breakfast (why does a bowl of cheerios take half an hour to eat!?) get your shoes etc etc. It’s not like it’s a surprise every morning.

Try to to stress too much truthfully I miss the days of caring for my 2 but I don’t miss that crap.

It will pass but yep you gotta repeat yourself.

I really wouldn't ever have wanted him to be labelled as dyspraxic

Would you want him "labelled" diabetic if he was? Or what about labelled as having cancer? Or arthritis? It's a diagnosis not a label. And diagnoses help the people with the condition enormously. Not least because there is a reason for your behaviours, you aren't just clumsy/forgetful etc.

Ove never met a ND person who wasn't relieved by a diagnosis. Usually only NT people think diagnoses are a bad thing.

This might be helpful I have asd and Adhd ... I physically tried cringed reading your post, I just switched off as a kid and was almost deaf to certain tones !y parents used ... Still clumsy and still don't listen ... Hand on top of arm ... Not shoulder I cringe if anyone goes near my collar none .. Tell her firmly and gently while removing object . It's all about perception

Hi. Im an experienced Educational Psychologist. Perhaps use as few words as possible and just those that either convey what you want or point out what she's doing. For example, she probably doesn't realise she's tapping the glass. Say "you're tapping". If something is about to fall say "glass falling". She's likely to be a distractable child. If, after changing your language and trying it for a while, you are still worried, ask to be referred but I would not advise unnecessary intervention if it's something you can manage with a few changes.
.

I agree with hashtaglil, could be her hearing is at fault, especially as you say she responds when you raise your voice. Have her take a hearing test, if nothing else it will rule out deafness.

Agree with others about the dyspraxia assessment . Sounds just like my DS and It Really helped to recognise his focus and concentration issues. Write down instructions as they can't remember lists. Please try to be patient..I felt awful for getting so cross when it genuinely wasn't his fault

DD is very similar to what OP and others have described so this is very useful to me

The long, thin glasses tho'..

I won't have them in the house - just asking for trouble.

Can do empathise with your frustration, my daughter was exactly the same - strategies which helped ( after much trialling!) we’re giving short instructions, asking after just saying something once “ so, checking you heard ...” and getting her to repeat back, but also accepting some of these are just learning curves. With a less able child you would possibly anticipate some of the issues ( like glass breaking) earlier, but because she’s bright possibly expecting mature behaviour in all areas? Asynchronous development is where because certain areas of the brain have raced ahead, kids might not be at age appropriate level for everything- frustrating , but she will grow!! Good luck!

This sounds like my son and sounds very like Dyspraxia/ preocessing disorder. After years of getting very frustrated with him it turns out his brain can only process a certain number of things at a time and he's not as in control of his movements as the rest of us.
Having a diagnosis has helped us all so much. He is getting OT to help build up his muscle control and co-ordination. He has a few things in place at school and everyone around him is much kinder and more paitent with him. I no longer feel frustrated as I know that it isn't that he isn't listening and I give him extra time to do things.
Visualprompts and a visual timetable have helped enormously too. They are easy to maek and something we did together so he had ownership of it and fully understood each step.
I also have an eleven year old daughter who just doesn't listen to me anymore and her most frequently used sentence is "yeah, in a sec." Which basically means i'm not listening and will not do as you've asked then massively freak out that she doesn't have clean uniform/ correctbooks/ lunch just as we are about to leave the house. Oh the joys.
Good luck with it all. I feel your pain.

Apparently forgetfulness is a sign of intelligence x

Instead of getting frustrated, what about both of you learning a few memory exercises?

My DD14 is like this. She has a processing disorder. She’s soooo clever and funny and bright.

-Can’t remember 3 sequential things
-Forgets everything anyway
-No common sense
-Learnt to read and write quite late and everything was phonetical
-Struggles to manage herself and be organised

• can’t hear what you say if there is any other noise present

When she was little I did her a chart of a daily routine
Also I used to tap her on the shoulder and make eye contact every time I gave an instruction
You can’t expect many kids to hear you if they are engrossed in something else and processing issue kids usually prefer one thing at a time

It is worth a hearing test. That is how DD was found to be selective hearing and then processing disorder

Try to identify what she is really interested in then encourage that interest as much as possible. Obviously devil worship, flying without wings etc., is out of the question. A Child Psychologist's advice is necessary. You are a good MuM to seek help here - though the best advice is yet to be obtained with a qualified professional.

Many children are like this. Some have learning difficulties, most do not.
In any given class of 30 teenagers, all given the same instruction, between 2 and 10 will not follow the instruction.

@TeenTimesTwo

Don’t dignify responses like that by even responding
Just ignore

Oh god this is my daughter, she’s next level clever, so loving and funny and crazy but it’s straight in one ear and out the other. She literally has the attention span of a goldfish. I have to end up shouting for her to listen to me. And then she forgets again 😩😩😩. Bloody kids. If I’d had her first I would never have had any more 😂

Sorry if it’s been mentioned before, haven’t rtt.
My son asd and adhd is the same.
What I do is say the instructions, then ask him what I just said.
Eg. Stop biting the glass, what did I just say?

That gives a little time for him to process the instruction and ensures he understands.

Mine did this at same age and still does but not as much. She will probably grow out of it.

It’s really annoying me to hat everyone is trying to make it into a health issue. Some kids just don’t listen, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them, we shouldn’t be so quick to label them. Also my kids would have been drinking from a plastic tumbler and if I’d have seen them reaching for a glass I would of got off my fat arse and stopped her.

Haven't read everyones replies, so maybe been said a 100x , but you could be talking about my 9 year old who is dyspraxic.
If she does go on to get a dyspraxia diagnosis, suddenly everything makes sense and your level of frustration drops significantly. Or it did in my case! good luck x