Aibu to wear this dress to a funeral?

[WillyNilly00]

I already have this dress and have a funeral next week. I intend to wear it with black tights and black ankle boots with a small heel. Also I am 5 foot tall so it is practically knee length on me.

I thought it was perfect but DH seems to think it's "too much".

So Wibu to wear it?

There are obviously cultural differences. I’m not sure I’d wear that dress to weekly mass, it would be very busty on me and I’d feel disrespectful.

Most of the funerals I’ve been to have been a full requiem mass in a Catholic Church. Everyone has been very formal. Some of the older women wear veils.

I can’t imagine anyone I know commenting on the dress but they would find it inappropriate and disrespectful to the person who has died.

Yes I would wear that no problem with coat and opaque tights. Sorry for your loss

pigsDOfly Thu 29-Nov-18 13:28:37
I never realised going to a funeral had the potential to create so much social and fashion angst.

I wore a cream suit to my DM funeral. I'm surprised anyone could bring themselves to talk to me.

I was there to bury my mother, not to impress the people around me with my piety.

Yes this exactly ^^ Funerals of family and loved ones I've just been so grateful for people coming. It all goes by in a blur - you're so upset, anxious and exhausted. People's choice of clothing just wouldn't even register.

BertramKibbler - whereabouts are you? You've just described a funeral at my old parish church in Sarf Lunnon in the 1950's; things had changed dramatically by the time of my mother's funeral in the same area 60 years later. Not a mantilla in sight.

Bertram
Not sure what country you attended a Catholic Requiem Mass (funeral) in. Most I've been to encourage mourners to celebrate the life of the deceased - and as such many don't attend in black. Never seen veils outside of rural Italy, Malta or Spain.

As I say I wear a similar dress for work and they'd definitely say something if it wasn't suitable attire

It’s fine for work. Just not so much for a funeral with older generation, different cultures etc

Assuming it isn't busty, though - and it wouldn't be on me - what would make it inappropriate, genuinely? Just the ruffle?

Zack that's still what I'm confused about. It's knee length on op, sleeved, doesn't show any cleave, she's wearing black tights........I think some posters are doing older generations a disservice here, as if they are mostly end-of-a-sausage-roll-mouthed at the sight of 4 inches of neckline, when ime they are likely to be the ones telling the dirty jokes and showing their underskirts and hold ups off at the wake having a right good time of it (yes, i'm looking at you, great aunt viv)

I'd say it's a bit 'cocktail dress' for a funeral, personally, but you should wear whatever you're comfortable in, IMO.

South East England for those interested.

But from this thread I now realise that there are small-minded arseholes who make character judgments about someone for what they wear to a funeral.

@MissRhubarb It is a funeral, it is not about character judgments its about respect and not wanting to potentially upset anyone during one of the most difficult times in their lives. We traditionally wear black/muted colours and dress smart/appropriately out of respect.

At my dads funeral one person who stood out for all the wrong reasons was the small-minded arsehole who came in his bikers jacket covered with badges, torn jeans. He was some random who didn't even know my dad (think he was one of my sisters friends) and it surprised me how much I judged him for his very inappropriate and thoughtless dress, as far as I am concerned he was disrespectful on an already very difficult day.

Showing the appropriate respect at a funeral trumps breaking tradition for me every time.

Fine with opaque black tights, boots and a plain wool coat, black leather gloves and handbag. A tad frilly but as long as you look your best and are making an effort it shouldn't displease any generation!

Bertram, are you in one of those parishes where they still say the Latin Mass? (Disclaimer, I haven't practiced for a long time, so I don't know if this is even allowed anywhere any more.)
As for the person who described the dress in question as "tarty", my jaw dropped so low that my chin is only very slowly making its way back up from my knees, my flabber was so gasted by that remark. Maybe I missed the joke and someone was being sarcastic?
OP, I have had no idea what anyone was wearing at any of the very close RC and Orthodox family funerals I've been to, and I couldn't have cared less - maybe if someone had attended in a bikini in the middle of winter, I might have worried they'd catch cold. We were there to celebrate the lives of the people we loved who had died, not to criticize anyone's fashion sense. That dress looks absolutely fine, particularly as it will be covered by a coat for the funeral itself.

@BrokenWing "Showing the appropriate respect at a funeral trumps breaking tradition for me every time."

Yes, but the OP - who is wearing a black dress, tights, shoes and formal black coat to a funeral - has been judged repeatedly on this thread it seems for things like a ruffle on her dress and the hemline. She's been questioned about her bust size. The dress has been called "tarty". A poster above just wrote that they would find the dress "inappropriate and disrespectful to the person who has died." It's incredibly over the top and judgemental. Obviously if someone turns up half naked in hot pants to a funeral that is inappropriate, but we're not talking about that - not remotely.

And putting "respect" in bold like that each time for me is just really patronising and annoying.

At my dad's funeral there were people dressed in all sorts - some formally and some casually. There were people with hats on and people in jeans and trainers. He was a teacher and community worker and there were people of all ages and backgrounds. No one was judging anyone and everyone there was there because they respected him, and that has nothing to do with the clothes they chose that day and everything to do with their thoughtfulness in turning up that day.

My cousins girlfriend came to my grans funeral in her Morrisons uniform as she had to come straight from work. She could have quickly changed I guess, but it didn't occur to me to think anything other than it was nice that she was there to show her support.

Oh good lord. It's completely fine. If the OP had massive boobs escaping out of them or it was bum length and she was wearing fishnets then it might be a bit inappropriate but she has told us that's not the case.

And please please do not follow the advice of the poster who advised wearing dark trousers or jeans underneath

I wouldn’t as I think it’s too ‘party’, even with black tights, but then I come from scotland where I’ve noticed funerals are a bit more traditional and dour than they are in England. So I would say, it depends on the funeral and the family of the bereaved. At a funeral most people won’t notice tbh, they’ve got other things to worry about!

And that is one reason I am not having a funeral. The angst over a bloody dress!

It's fine with tights.

I hate the angst on here time and time again about what to wear at funerals. To be honest people could have come to my Dads funeral in pjs and I wouldn't have cared. The most important thing is you're going and believe me the family will have so much going on they won't notice or care what you're wearing

I think that dress looks absolutely fine though

Google for some pics of Paula Yates at Michael Hutchence's funeral then you will see what an inappropriately low neckline looks like.

Looks good!

when ime they are likely to be the ones telling the dirty jokes and showing their underskirts and hold ups off at the wake having a right good time of it (yes, i'm looking at you, great aunt viv)

As if everyone is like great aunt viv.

I know, mores the pity eh?

Too frilly.