To think I hope this makes you think

[dontyouforgetaboutme]

But despair not. After a lovely evening with my old school friends, my best of friends, who'd travelled far and wide for our really lovely dinner in a very good restaurant in central London, I gave a beggar at Waterloo a twenty. I know she was conning me. I asked her repeatedly but she knew she was onto someone in the frame of mind to give. I told her I had to take this out of other budgets and to please spend it on food and a roof over her head. I know in my heart of hearts she won't. That she'll spend it on drugs. But AIBU to hope that some of my words sunk in and she'll think about that £20 and that as it was a sacrifice for me, she'll reconsider her options.

I'm being a dafty aren't I.

“To all those going on about drugs; if you were on the streets, you'd probably take drugs too. Bunch of judgemental horrible people you are”

Well actually I vuntee

It's done, and was kindly meant, so don't waste angst about it now.

Personally I only give to the likes of Crisis/the Sally Army any more. I used to give to a local 'homeless' man who was around for years - he turned out to have a flat (owned, not rented) and a hefty stash in the bank.
I suspect that quite a few, around here anyway, are now run by gangmasters.

As for buying such a person food, as a pp suggested, maybe it would be well received, but I'm afraid that what happened to a dd is more likely. On a cold night she bought a Big Mac on a cold night for a man with a 'Homeless and Hungry' placard.
He told her to fuck off, he wanted money.

As if her life isn’t fucking miserable enough.... she had what I presume to be a very MC person telling her about their hardship, despite the fact that this lady has probably had a far shittier life than you can imagine, and instead of patronisingly telling her how to spend her money, maybe a little compassion instead.

I hope this makes you think

About what???

But despair not

About what???

OP it didn't make me think but it did make me laugh - you off your face, lecturing someone about how they shouldn't use money to get off their face!

I really hope you have the flaps to reply to us!

God, it sounds like Hyacinth Bucket meets the homeless.

Can I make an alternative suggestion to financial donations:

Make up a bag of supplies: toothbrush, toothpaste, wipes, deodorant, sanitary products, lip balm, gloves, hat etc.

Hand that out instead. Spending very precious money on stuff like that is low priority for many vulnerable people.

“To all those going on about drugs; if you were on the streets, you'd probably take drugs too. Bunch of judgemental horrible people you are”

Well actually I volunteered for 5 years for an organisation that works with homeless people across all the complexities of MH, poverty, drugs etc. Unfortunately people end up and stay homeless because of drugs rather than taking drugs to cope with being homeless. But of course it ends up as a vicious circle.

But with drugs come ill health, dependency on some extremely nasty (and violent) people (dealers), sexual exploitation and so on. Yup: every fix gets someone deeper into this and further from temporary accommodation and rehabilitative support.

Lobby for more support, and Maybe get closer to the reality before declaring people to be horrible.

I'm very anti drugs, I don't drink alcohol and I don't smoke...but what a cheek so many people have to walk down the street whilst pissed as a fart and lecture/judge others. It seems to me that many functioning middle class alcoholics think they are so much better than a pissed up tramp on the street?

Op...that statement is not meant about you personally but society in general.

I always give cash to homeless people. I also support homeless charities. My feeling is I might have supported the charity but that's not going to help this person here right now is it? I usually give a few quid in the hope it will go on a hot drink or a sandwich.

It is nice to buy food etc but I do often see people buying stuff without asking the person first. When I went to an event in a town this poor guy had 4 cups of cold coffee next to him. Not much help to him really!

I think the op showed compassion but then realised halfway through her mistake. Give what you can afford, talk to people, ask what they need for the next few hours/night ahead. Yes they could be lying but without a conversation there's no opportunity to really help where it's needed.

You can't give someone money then tell them how to spend it. Rather than funding someone's drug habit, why not give to support charities as others have suggested? Less public (unless you post every donation on Facebook) but more helpful in the long run.

Very well said, @BeanBagLady!

You did it out of kindness, but maybe don't do it again.
I have been in a similar position when I tried to help a friend who had a gambling problem.
Sadly I had to accept that he is an addict and he has to be willing to accept help and support in the form of counselling etc and he hasn't reached that stage yet.

Beanbaglady- we had the very same issue here with a local business who had to get metal fencing installed all around so they could no longer use their car park and entrance as a base to sleep and take drugs

I hope in the cold light of day you realise you were a twat to the beggar, and then made yourself look like even more of a twat posting this.

Maybe next time lay off the wine OP.

You were lecturing a homeless person whilst pissed up yourself how ironic.
Also don't post while pissed is a good mantra

Pinkkittens292 Wed 28-Nov-18 09:38:28
I have been in a similar position when I tried to help a friend who had a gambling problem.
Sadly I had to accept that he is an addict and he has to be willing to accept help and support in the form of counselling etc and he hasn't reached that stage yet.

Except this isn't a similar position at all. A similar position to the OP would be if you'd wandered into a casino, gone up to a random person gambling, given them an unsolicited lecture about the perils of gambling, then handed them £20 and told them not to gamble with it while cramming coins into a slot machine yourself.

A director from crisis recently said it was fine to give to them or to charity whatever you prefer

Really ?

I thought giving money to 'beggars' was discouraged by just about all charities i.e. let's get them off the street and rehabilitated.

I think you patronised her a bit tbh, if she was going to spend it on substances that’s the risk you take - I don’t think it’s very nice to give her a lecture, either give he money or don’t - nobody is forcing you.

I bet you’ve cured her now OP. Her addiction will
be gone. All it take me is £20 and someone saying “don’t buy drugs” and they’re cured. It’s what the rehab programmes do. Proven to work.

God, the sheer nerve of coming out of a posh resteraunt pissed, giving a £20 to a homeless person and giving them a self indulgent speech about how big a sacrifice it was from your budget.

Either give them money or don’t, no need to make a “I’m so noble” song and dance about it.

I know she was conning me. I asked her repeatedly but she knew she was onto someone in the frame of mind to give.

Baffled. Did she engage in some sort of Derren Brown malarkey that caused you to lose control of your free will?

Yes it probably went on drink or drugs.

I tend to not give Money to homeless people (because I'm poor) but when I do I make sure not to add a lecture, I don't buy them food either its patronising. I'll buy a big issue from a vendor or chuck some change down for a busker. I will give the odd pound if I have it.

I hope they do get something to make their life more comfortable. Be that food, a place to stay, booze or drugs. Not my life not my place to judge. Either give them money or don't (and never give them a lecture)

@ToEarlyForDecorations charities do discourage it

Mainly because they can spend your money on the purpose you are giving it for for certain, depending on the charity. Small local ones are usually better at doing so.

You may be contributing to a problem you're not aware of giving it directly

However, despite working for a homeless charity (unpaid volunteer) I have also been homeless

I didn't "look" homeless and avoided much of the judgement those that do because of it get. I got kind old ladies who would offer me a fiver mostly and did spend it on a mcD's or a packet of fags. Just being treated as a human being was lovely and I was incredibly grateful to have that cash directly. Being a young woman who left the care system I got far more empathy and support than a 30 year old man would ever get and I was quickly supported into hostel accommodation. It was very hard not to get dragged into activities that would have been tempting if I had turned to drugs to cope when in a hostel because of the people I met. I was incredibly fortunate that I wasn't homeless for long but definitely not looking or smelling homeless helped me! I always feel so grateful when I hear of barbers who will cut hair, organisations who will offer clean clothes and showers and people who might not give money but will offer the kindness and compassion of a hello and a smile to another human being and avoid the lecture

I should never have been homeless. The council had a duty of care as I was in the care system- they neglected that duty and told me to go to a hostel the day I turned 16. I was a difficult teenager who had been through the care system and was hard to place. I grew up ultimately. Many young people I lived with- ended up in prison, or addicts after losing their children or dead

A smile and acknowledgement that they're alive might not feed a hungry belly but it goes a long way further than any lectures or judgement in my experience

There are actually plenty of places and charities in London who feed the homeless. Signposts to one might be helpful but there isn't so much of an issue as not being able to eat as there is in feeling like scum and that society hates you so what's the point in trying to rejoin it

I went through Waterloo on Sunday.
In the tunnel between the station and the RFH sat a guy. On one side he had a sign 'homeless, needing money for food' . On the other side a little heap comprising a fresh pizza in a box, two or three M&S sandwiches, carton of juice, etc.

He didn't need money for food.

There are soup runs, facilities, day centres (one within 2 or 3 mins walk from where he was sitting) for street homeless people, they all know where they are.

As I said earlier, every fix, every penny for drugs, takes people deeper into ill health, dangerous company, sexual exploitation and other comlications which are even harder to extricate yourself from thn homelessness.

It is often the case that the homelessness is solved - but the other associated complications and problems (typically addition, drugs or extortion / being pulled into 'debt' to dealers and / or pimps and threatened and forced to become part of that world ) pull people back in.