To think I hope this makes you think

[dontyouforgetaboutme]

But despair not. After a lovely evening with my old school friends, my best of friends, who'd travelled far and wide for our really lovely dinner in a very good restaurant in central London, I gave a beggar at Waterloo a twenty. I know she was conning me. I asked her repeatedly but she knew she was onto someone in the frame of mind to give. I told her I had to take this out of other budgets and to please spend it on food and a roof over her head. I know in my heart of hearts she won't. That she'll spend it on drugs. But AIBU to hope that some of my words sunk in and she'll think about that £20 and that as it was a sacrifice for me, she'll reconsider her options.

I'm being a dafty aren't I.

You just had a really lovely dinner in a very good restaurant in central London. But you think that £20 was a sacrifice for you that you had to take out of other budgets? Get on with you.

Whether she uses it for food, booze or drugs, she was probably thinking "yeah, yeah, just give me the fuckin money." I'm sure some random with a full belly, lecturing her was just what she needs to cure all ills in her life.

please spend it on food and a roof over her head

A roof over your head for £20...

If you give a homeless person money it’s up to them what they spend it on, there should be no caveat, if they want to spend it on drugs or drink then it’s their money to do what they wish with it, they are adults and not children, who are you to lecture them when you literally have no idea on their back story, if you don’t want them to possibly spend you money on drugs then don’t give it to them.

Surely this is a wind up.

You know YABU to give such a lecture.

You are either naive or arrogant

You have had an evening out , you have a roof over your head and you actually guilt tripped someone who was homeless?

After decades of working with people who are homeless I can honestly say you are self serving...ive more than often known street homeless give their last food or blanket to someone else on the street with no requirement to feel guilty , they have far more ability to be truly kind than you

If you want to help leave your sanctimony out of it

Are you Bertie Wooster?

Is this a joke? It has to be because I refuse to believe that anyone can be so fucking pompous.

I'm imagining you waving the £20 note in her face while you lectured her. I'm cringing on your behalf OP. Once you've had a good night's sleep in a warm comfy bed, as your thread title says, I hope it makes you think.

It can’t be that much of a sacrifice if you’ve just had a lovely dinner at a very good restaurant in London

"...really lovely dinner in a very good restaurant in central London, I gave a beggar at Waterloo a twenty."

"I told her I had to take this out of other budgets"

If you have to make a beggar feel bad about your finances before handing over a twenty, maybe cut out the fancy London restaurants?

Don't give it if you can't spare the poor woman the guilt trip. I'd want drugs after being made to feel like a naughty child like that. I'm surprised you didn't finish it with "and don't spend it all at once!"

yes im sure she is placing her Waitrose order right now

once you give her that money its really not your place where the money is spent

You cannot make too many generalisations about homeless people. I recently gave a homeless man £10. He is old and confused and often sleeping out near our home and I feel sorry for him. A (rather bossy) friend I was with told me off saying he would just spend it on booze/drugs. I said possibly, but as we were quite merry ourselves we couldn’t judge if that was his choice but I secretly feared she might be right and I could be inadvertently enabling an addiction. About 20 minutes later we were queuing in Tesco to buy booze for ourselves (not drugs, they don’t sell them in Tescos) and the man was at the self serve checkout buying a big bag of reduced price sandwiches, pies etc. I was so pleased and bossy friend was silenced.

Many years ago in London, I went into a coffee bar and bought a cup of tea for a chap lurking outside that asked me for 'just 10p for a cup of tea' (that'll tell you how long ago). He ranted and threw it over me (fortunately mostly missing me) because he actually wanted cash for drugs.

Never again will I give anything to anyone begging, I do donate to official charities though.

Yeah she’ll spend it on drugs. If I was homeless I’d probably want to get off my tits on drugs or drink too. You are of course very generous but her life isn’t going to turn around on £20. Poor woman. Desperate times.

Are you a bit drunk?

Well - even if she does spend it on drugs, at least she won’t have to do something worse (theft or prostitution) for her next fix.

How drunk were you?

Never, ever give a beggar money.

Food or a hot drink, maybe, but never money.

I always give money. Homeless people aren’t idiots. They can make their own choice as to how to spend donations. Deciding for them that they need food or drink is just patronising. They don’t need that.

When I give beggars money, it’s s gift and as such they can spend it as they please.

I’d only be spending it on booze and drugs anyway (in the words of comedian Steve Hughes)

Lucky I agree.

I hate this attitude people adopt of knowing what’s best for complete strangers living a polar opposite life to them.

You lectured a homeless woman??

So, who is going to lecture OP about being a rambling GF?

Wow. In one evening you've patronised her AND us. Are you expecting a pat on the back or something as you sound very proud of yourself?

We give to Soldiers off the Streets charity because it has personal links, following DH and other family service in AF. Simon on the Streets is a great local charity in our area and do great work, so we happily donate.

Feed the charity not the habit is an often quoted saying. There are many homeless on the streets in local cities round here, it is very sad indeed. We have offered to buy food and hot drinks, but always they just want money instead.