To think I hope this makes you think

[dontyouforgetaboutme]

But despair not. After a lovely evening with my old school friends, my best of friends, who'd travelled far and wide for our really lovely dinner in a very good restaurant in central London, I gave a beggar at Waterloo a twenty. I know she was conning me. I asked her repeatedly but she knew she was onto someone in the frame of mind to give. I told her I had to take this out of other budgets and to please spend it on food and a roof over her head. I know in my heart of hearts she won't. That she'll spend it on drugs. But AIBU to hope that some of my words sunk in and she'll think about that £20 and that as it was a sacrifice for me, she'll reconsider her options.

I'm being a dafty aren't I.

Just to add I do not blame homeless people for feeling this way, but think that charities often need funding to provide for essentials such as food.

It is better to have made a mistake in generosity than the opposite. But I hate the term 'beggar' because it could have been anyone in that position and it's a fairly derogatory term which suggests they have chosen to sit there asking for money . I always wonder about the drugs thing, but usually I buy a burger and hot chocolate for them, whatever is nearest, and a bit of conversation rather than chance cash on alcohol or drugs. Sometimes they refuse the food but usually not.

Your being a sanctimonious twat. Give or don't give, but don't give with conditions attached and don't make people feel like shit by telling them your going without by giving to them. Virtue signalling to the disadvantaged of society is incredibly patronising, and vulgar.

She needed money not a some self proclaimed guru's philosophy lecture. If you want to spend 20 quid you can't afford on the opportunity to piously lecture some poor homeless person about a life you can't begin to comprehend then humblebrag about it on mumsnet then that's your choice. Poor woman deserves whatever drugs she can get.

Are you Bertie Wooster?

It did make me think OP - it made me think you were a bit of an arse, I hope when you sober up and get a bit of perspective it might make you think that too.

As many pp's have suggested, if you are concerned about the plight of people sleeping rough then donate to a homeless charity (but perhaps without the side helping of sanctimonious..).

Feed the charity not the habit is an often quoted saying

Especially from charities that want your donations. A director from crisis recently said it was fine to give to them or to charity whatever you prefer which I thought was decent of him.

I know all of the moral arguments about not giving money, but I regularly see a homeless man, he has a dog, so probably is not suitable for a rescue centre.

I usually give a small amount of money, but ask if he needs anything, often he says no, but sometimes he asks for food or drink (I think most people supply the dog first). I make a point of talking to him and petting his dog, he’s a human being and he’s a nice man, with a nice dog. There, but for the grace of God, go I.

It’s too easy to judge, I have no idea of why, could be drugs, alcohol or MH, but the support clearly isn’t there.

As others have said and as I always tell family and friends I give money to the homeless and if they want to get pissed on that money that's fine by me. If I was homeless I think I'd get pissed every night!

Wtf? You lectured a homeless woman about budgeting? You sound like a total knob.

I do like the fact you think your words of wisdom will change her. I imagine nobody has told her not to do drugs. I am also amused you spared £20 and reminded her you can’t afford it after an extravagant night out in London! How dare she guilt trip you

Sorry. This is so incredibly fucking patronising. As if being homeless isnt bad enough for her!

I hope she enjoyed that 20 after that stupid lecture you gave. Id have gone out and spent it on a fuckin bottle myself if i had to endure a patronising conversation from someone who clearly has more money than empathy.

My birthmom is an addict. She has lost all three of her children, and her entire family to addiction and lying and stealing. I can't imagine $20 and a lecture from a stranger would make much of an impact on her when the rest of us didn't.

You don't know for certain she will spend the money on drugs.

You know genuinely homeless people often won't ask for money

Professional beggars will

Regardless- if you give someone a gift it's not up to you how that gift is used. Just give to those you can trust to use it for what you intended

Professional beggar or homeless- it's cold, you have had a lovely night out and have family and friends... they're sitting there cold and lonely. Give up on the judgement that lectures, if that was all it took we'd solve homelessness in a day!

I work for a homeless charity

If I have change on me, then I always give it to the homeless I pass on my way to work.

I often see them later in the evening on the tube, where they have spent the money on a travel card, so they can sleep somewhere warm for a few hours.

You lectured a homeless woman on your way home from a ‘very good’ London restaurant meal about how much of a sacrifice your £20 was from your ‘other budgets’?

THIS with bells on OP. You saddo.

You lectured a homeless woman about your budget!
If you want to make sure the money you give is spent on food/ shelter, donate to a charity. If you want to give directly then you can’t attach strings. Just because someone is living in poverty doesn’t mean they should have no autonomy over how they spend their money (you see this with befits claimants over flat screen TVs etc. As well)

When I give money to homeless people I don't give a monkeys if they spend it on drink or drugs. If I was sleeping on the streets I'd choose to be off my face too! This post did remind me that I did something similar once though. I'd just been to a really good gig (David Bowie) and was feeling very happy. I spotted a beggar with a dog and gave him twenty quid, telling him to make sure he got his dog something nice to eat! It was only as the words left my mouth I thought how bloody stupid of me, was feeding the dog really the most important thing? The dog was clearly well fed and cared for, the homeless guy not so much! I did apologise though and the guy laughed at me and said they would both have a feed.

More fool you. What do you want a medal?

@tinstar I wouldn’t donate to St Munro’s they colluded with the unlawful arrest and deportation of homeless EU migrants

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/may/14/st-mungos-homelessness-charity-complaint-filed-over-unlawful-removal-eu-rough-sleepers

Smaller local homeless charities might be better.

OP you’ve done nothing wrong giving her money but I wouldn’t have bothered with the lecture, words of kindness or support would have been more welcome. I think it’s shocking a woman is street homeless in this day and age, she will be so vulnerable 😢 maybe look into law centres that help with homelessness in your area and in future advise her to get some legal advice.

I work with people experiencing homelessness they are certainly not all addicts, the idea that it’s their own fault is what the government would love you to think but either way everyone should have a right to a home and if they need a complex support package to sustain it so be it. Some people would probably prefer that homeless people and addicts in particular just died in the cold and saved our tax money (“If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”)

@thinkIwillexplode I have seen plenty of genuinely homeless people begging (I know they are genuinely homeless as they are my clients).

@thinkIwillexplode but I agree with the rest of your sentiments

I don't understand the title of your post. To hope this makes us think what? And what's the "But despair not" about? Presume you were drunk after over-indulging during your expensive meal.

There aren’t many female rough sleepers out there (there are plenty of homeless women, they just aren’t out on the actual streets because it’s too dangerous).

You’ve more likely given your money to the organised criminals who run her.