This is not my idea of a 10k holiday !

[Itwillgeteasieripromise]

Ex pats, heading home for Christmas after a tough year, not taken any leave really in 12 months and just finished an ivf cycle with one in the freezer for when we get back. We need a rest, DH and I are shattered.
I love my family dearly, but dear god the demands !!! Every day I'm literally sent a list of 'events' to attend, including helping my sister with her kids while she has to work late. Coming home is expensive, all
you seem to do is be expected to come to people because they are so busy with Christmas. Everyday day I'm literally sent a new invite, if it's not a birthday party, it's a school play ! It doesn't help that DH and I are from opposite ends of the country (and his family think I'm a spoiled bitch) If you think of what a holiday would look like if you spend 10k I can promise you, I wouldn't be rushing around like a headless chicken, spending it sat in people's living rooms seeing their kids and being an unpaid babysitter for family ! (Rant over) I am excited honestly, but it almost feels like an ex pat tax that you have to pay every couple of years .....

I think it takes a certain kind of person / mentality to move thousands of miles away from close family long term. In my experience, very self serving. For those left behind, who are more family minded they find it difficult to comprehend. Perhaps OP’s friends and family are just assuming that she would want to catch up, it’s probably a pain in the arse for them too and feel obliged to do something while she is over. Babysitting is also just a normal thing close family do for each other as they are happy to help, but obviously not OP and many other ex pats on here it would seem.
Next time my SIL travels over I will be sure to just go to work as normal and let her watch tv all day (and have her kids trash the place again).
Is it possible to have any sort of relationship with family back home unless you do these kind of visits? Or is it preferable to just move a way and get on with your life without them? Have your 10K holiday on a lovely beach somewhere but don’t expect your family to be be there for you at a drop of a hat.

I have responded to this but I will again. I have NEVER said I don't want to see my family, I miss them terribly I can't wait to go shopping with my mum, have a gin with my dad, spend time with nieces and nephews, get our for a long crisp run with my sister, catch up with my friends in a busy pub with Christmas music playing.
It's more of the cost and the logistics of it. It's busy and it's expensive. I know I'm lucky to be in the position of having the ability to travel and having the money to do so. Our summer is the best time to travel as it has minimal impact on our careers. We have allocated time alone while we are away and have racked time in Asia on the back end. As for renting a house, my parents would think that's nuts as they have 2 houses and plenty of space + can't justify more money into an already expensive trip. I guess I'm so tired, it's been a big year. I fully expected to be pregnant or a mum next time I came home and I'm not. And for that I'm really sad, as I know I will face questions as to why we aren't yet. I know that will fade once I'm home and with my mum. But right now it's still hectic trying to get ready to travel, finish shopping, wrap up work for the year. So apologies if I've sounded grumpy, I'm just trying to hold it together, plan a trip not get too overwhelmed and to stop crying on the bus in the way to work.
Oh and to the poster who said I sounded awful .... thanks for that!
Happy Christmas everyone !!!!

10k???? I can't believe that. And you're not an ex-pat you're an immigrant.

SamFoxBigTits

Goodness me. What a massive dickbag you are!

My SIL and DB organise a one off event at her mum’s. If you make it you see them. If not you take your chances. After many years of exhausting trips home this has been the best thing they’ve done.

I get you op.

Tbh you’re married and you’ve set up your own unit abroad - is this dissatisfaction a sign that it’s time to revise your social life etc? Have you built up a real social life abroad?

Like pps have said, do the basics (eg parents siblings) send a group messages going “I’m available x and y day if anyone wants to meet up” and be prepared for some people NOT to turn up.

I’m not an expat but I’ve done the whole “dropping into old workplaces to see former colleagues” thing and Out Of Sight, Out of Mind is a thing for a lot of people?

I mean even if Ive felt we were really close and got lots of “we miss you so much” speeches, once you lose that day to day contact you’re simply a non-entity? And I feel like an idiot woman who has wandered off the street and who no-one wants to make time for

Also, there’s often a little bit of jealousy - it’s like “you’ve moved on and I’m a bit embarrassed I’m still here”.

You need to move your social life on from where you were before you emigrated?

totally get you op
it's very intense.
and guilt inducing.
and unsettling

To be honest I think the £10k is a bit of a red herring given that you’re including your city break and your holiday in Asia as part of that!

The rest of it, well I can see both sides.
One minute you’re sayig you’re bored of sitting on people’s sofas , but the next minute they’re planning too many events and inviting you to too many things, so they can’t win really.

If you don’t want to go then just stay in the “glorious sunshine” 😉
Wishing you all the best with your ivf journey x

“What's the difference between an expat and an immigrant?”
An expatriate is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country other than their native country An immigrant is someone who is a permanent resident of a country outside of their own.

I think if you move far away from your family the least you can do is make the journey to see them. It was your choice to move away and you must enjoy an enviable lifestyle so suck it up OP!!!

Not a dickbag, I just have a relative of my own like this who just wants to arrive like royalty, do all the lovely stuff associated with family life, then bugger off and leave us to do all the boring, regular time consuming stuff that is part of real life family responsibilities.
Mine left me with a dying mother and a very disabled father to look after and she wonders why I literally don’t give a shit about her fabulous life on the other side of the earth.
It smarts a little!

Ex pats were born in the country and most likely contributed to our economy and society.

While you're away I expect other people are doing the dirty work of visiting people when they are ill, meeting g up when they don't really feel like it all year round.

Don't go if it's such a hardship.

Good luck with your IVF journey though.

My sister lives abroad and has similar issues when she’s home although she tries to come back once or twice a year so it’s a little easier as anyone she misses, she can potentially see next time. My cousin though has only been back twice in the last ten years and had exactly the same problem the first time, so the second time, she organised a few big occasions like one day visiting one side of the family, another seeing the other and then a do with friends. Then she and her husband could spend the rest of her time doing what they wanted.

And yes, how on earth is it £10k

It can very easily cost 10k and more

I think it takes a certain kind of person / mentality to move thousands of miles away from close family long term. In my experience, very self serving. For those left behind, who are more family minded they find it difficult to comprehend.

I understand that your relative might be like this. But you sound horribly bitter and insular.

I'm the family-minded one in my family. But circumstance meant I moved. I worry about my aging parents and friends who aren't doing well. I hope they don't think I'm selfish and unkind.

sigh, didn't want to come back to this, but really? Family-minded people don't move to other countries??

in my case, I came to Japan for work after university and ended up getting married to a local and staying. I have my family here, with our two DCs. I am very family-minded - I have supported my DH with the deaths of both his parents and recently his sister...

I've had to deal with being so far away from the UK and not being able to return for weddings, funerals, etc. So expensive to fly with a family of four (obviously we don't have any expat package - I am an immigrant). once the kids are in school, we were tied to school holidays and even more expensive flights.

We just deal with it the best we can.

"I think it takes a certain kind of person / mentality to move thousands of miles away from close family long term. In my experience, very self serving. For those left behind, who are more family minded they find it difficult to comprehend."

What about if your family are neglectful abusive arseholes? Is it ok then? Do we have your permission, oh family-oriented one?

JFC, I don't sit here saying 'if you never leave Hull/Peterborough/Bridlington, you're clearly a tedious, unadventurous loser' so what's with the judgement????

People have different lives. If you focused more on your own and less on others, you'd probably be happier.

It was your choice to move away and you must enjoy an enviable lifestyle so suck it up OP

Do you really think that to move overseas means an enviable lifestyle?
And in what universe does that equate to the exhaustion of hacking up and down motorways for your entire "holiday"?

I think it takes a certain kind of person / mentality to move thousands of miles away from close family long term. In my experience, very self serving. For those left behind, who are more family minded they find it difficult to comprehend."

The insults and the judgement continues...
Family-minded people don't move to other countries?
What utter rubbish.

Blimey, you can tell who has and who got a passport on here...

Who hasn't..

"you must enjoy an enviable lifestyle"

Yes, everyone who lives abroad has a swimming pool, a massive SUV and a huge villa. They give them to you when you get off the plane.

We just moved back from Australia. The main reason being to avoid this yearly 'holiday', which used all our annual leave and spare income! So stressful trying to fit everyone in, international flights with 2 babies and then straight back to work for another full year without a break. Yanbu. We are planning loads of lovely little breaks for the coming year!