Being banned from the mitchen

[Elphie54]

(Light hearted in case it isnt obvious):

After nearly successfully burning down the kitchen, my other half has told me I am no longer allowed in the kitchen without adult supervision (he is obviously joking). My horrible crime that led to that? I accidentally put something in the microwave for 13 minutes instead of 1:30 minutes. Around minute 7, I smelled something burning and thought the neighbors were burning food, to look over and realize there was smoke coming from the kitchen. Yikes! Thankfully there were no flames.

Help me feel a bit better about myself? What are some of your worst kitchen disasters?

I asked my dad to make some chips once when I was in primary school. He took too long so I decided to do it myself. The plan was to deep fry them. I filled about a third of the pot with vegetable oil and boiled it. I then realised that there wasn't enough liquid to cook the chips in but being the considerate child I was I didn't want to waste any more oil. So I topped up the boiling oil with water. You can imagine how well that went.

On a first date with my first love, I got a call from my mother who proceeded to tear me a new one. I had used the deep fat fryer to make some chips prior to meeting him, and forgotten to switch it off. She arrived home to find the dogs barking non stop, and the kitchen smothered in thick smoke. The hot oil had started to melt the seal on the lid and the carbon filter had burned to a crisp. She was livid(and rightly so) and of course I tried to style it out in front of him, and say it was no big deal.

He turned out to be a turd, so perhaps my disaster was an omen of how things would turn out. In both the case of the fryer, and the man-one should always listen to Mammy!!

Spent hours making a giant jaffa cake. Cunningly shaped sponge baked in frying pan , smashing orangey bit in the middle from concentrated orange jelly set in frying pan after cake base removed Both ready to go, placed in pyrex flan dish on the worktop next to the hob. Chocolate melted in glass bowl over pan of water
Went to spread chocolate on the top and managed to tilt the flan dish so it fell, chocolate side down OF COURSE onto the slate floor and the pyrex smashed into approx 5 million splinters the size of eyelashes and were all over the food, so even if I had not had a dog-hair encrusted floor I would have been risking a James Bond style death of a thousand shards by eating said jaffa cake. That clean up was horrific.
Almost as bad as when I had boiled down for hours a big pan of home grown tomatoes, then put them all through a hand-mouli to sieve out all the seeds and skin. Leaving a lovely large bowl of passata ready for bottling. Moved it from one worktop to another while I finished processing all the tomato, only to miss the edge and drop at least 5L of passata all over the cream kitchen units. Looked like a mass murder had taken place.
Reader, I cried, both times.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 27-Nov-18 02:19:09
I dropped a lasagne fresh out of the oven. Thankfully not on my foot but the Pyrex dish smashed, it cracked one of the kitchen tiles and we had molten cheese and tomato sauce fetchingly decorating the kitchen units. No fun to clean up!

My mum dropped a dish of tandoori chicken as she was getting it out of the oven. It went all over her legs and melted her leggings and left scars. She had to jump straight in the shower to put cold water on it and then went to hospital. This was years ago so its all healed now but still some scarring.

The worst disaster I've ever had was with rice, it turned out rice-pudding-like and burnt on the pan so thick I just threw it away.

Once, about the same time, I made curry with paste from a jar and it said add one tsp but I thought to my 18yo self, that surely cant be enough so added loads in. To the curry I was cooking in a wok. It tasted vile and I kept adding more and more water and reducing it in the hope it would boil off but it was inedible by the time I'd finished and I think we threw it away.

OH had put the dishes in to soak. I had to empty the sink to be able to wash the dishes and as our kitchen is a bit small i stacked the 4 pyrex dishes on top of the hob. Then i needed a wee and decided to collect laundry whilst I was upstairs.
My dearly departed border collie snuck into the kitchen and put her front paws on the hob and managed to turn the dials.

I came downstairs and opened the kitchen door just as the Pyrex dishes shattered. Molton glass chunks went everywhere and welded themselves to the lino, work tops and cupboards.

Dog was fine.

Eliza your poor mum! I guess I was lucky to emerge unscathed.

Well on reflection my christmas pudding story was probably more 50 years ago than 40. @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius But of that era - does anyone remember the sponge puddings which came in tins. The lid needed to be pierced to let the steam out . One time , my mother did not. It was lucky no one in the kitchen but we could see the evidence on the ceiling for some time afterwards

I'm pretty sure you can still get them. They were definitely still around a few years ago.

One of my housemates at uni got home drunk and instead of ordering a pizza or making some toast like a normal person decided to make garlic and rosemary roast potatoes . He then fell asleep on the sofa and the rest of us woke up a couple of hours later to the fire alarm. The oven was full of small lumps of charcoal and the whole house smelled of garlic for weeks.

Biscuiting I am pretty sure between Fray Bentos shrapnel & exploding tinned sponge puddings - we could save a fortune on the defence budget

My OH often gets tsp & tbsp mixed up. He made bread one day and left it to prove...it had escaped the bowl & was trying to take over the kitchen when we went back to check it!