Being banned from the mitchen

[Elphie54]

(Light hearted in case it isnt obvious):

After nearly successfully burning down the kitchen, my other half has told me I am no longer allowed in the kitchen without adult supervision (he is obviously joking). My horrible crime that led to that? I accidentally put something in the microwave for 13 minutes instead of 1:30 minutes. Around minute 7, I smelled something burning and thought the neighbors were burning food, to look over and realize there was smoke coming from the kitchen. Yikes! Thankfully there were no flames.

Help me feel a bit better about myself? What are some of your worst kitchen disasters?

I melted a plastic cutting board and burnt 2 wooden ones. I was supposed to turn on the hob front right, turned on back right and the boards were on top of it. 3 times! Melted plastic bowls the same way.
Burnt popcorn in microwave - the smell of it!
Burnt chops in the oven
Burnt stew I put it on the hob to heat and went to watch a bit of tv. Stew & pot ended in the bin
I put water to boil for pasta, went to do something else, forgot about it for a loooong time, did things around the house & garden. The water was gone and the pot burnt nicely by the time I remembered. The kitchen was like a sauna
Turned on the top oven to preheat, put the cake in the bottom oven to bake and wait 20 minutes before asking myself: why doesn't it rise?!?
And many more

@CoughLaughFart i mis-read that as washing and imagined you burning a pile of clothes in the oven

Not me but my brother when we lived with our parents. He was making popcorn in the microwave, but it hadn't all 'popped' so he put the unpopped kernels back in for the full amount of time (about 5 mins iirc) only it got so hot that it MELTED the glass microwave plate and the microwave caught fire and exploded. Unsurprisingly he didn't ever make microwave popcorn again!

I made what should have been a lovely chocolate fudge cake.
I tested it with a skewer and it came out clean!
So, I placed it on a cooling rack, and once I could touch it, I undid the spring release on the tin.
The bloody skewer lied to me. Only the outside centimetre was cooked, the rest was like brown foam and it flowed out from the tin, all over the worktop and the floor.
Have you tried cleaning up a high sugar content warm chocolatey goo? It was sticky and just sort of spread the more I tried to clean it.

I haven't even tried making a chocolate fudge cake since.

GummyGoodness they have just celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary , still give each other a kiss when one is going out without the other, clearly love each other to bits and will occasionally bicker over really minor things - usually over something tactless or clueless said by DF

I no longer make icing for the Christmas cake.After years of perfection it has all gone wrong.Year before last my icing flowed gently off the cake,I spend ages spooning it back on until it set a bit(stopped flowing),weeks later it had still only reached soft fondant stage.Last year I over compensated and couldn't actually cut the cake the icing was so hard.
I am also not allowed to read in the kitchen as this has resulted in cremated roast veg,very crispy chicken,pans on fire(heating oil to fry onions usually and forgetting I am heating the oil on high!)Exploding hard boiled eggs(my mum did better with a melted aluminium pan and exploding eggs back in the day).And other too numerous to mention,I solve a good book.
Dd has burnt popcorn in the microwave,the smell was so bad that I had to put the microwave outside and had to wash the entire kitchen down to get rid of the smell as it was still there a week later.

Well, it never worked again after that!

Does putting a microwave on empty break it then?

Yes, it does.

Two from me... and I'm usually a good cook! 😁 I once put a hot roasting tray onto a plastic chopping board so i could turn the roast potatoes, and didn't realise that the board had stuck to the tin until later when the spuds were done, so opened the oven and there was melted plastic dripping down through the wire rack. The other was when I was making a birthday cake and wanted to pipe icing rosettes on it. So filled the piping bag with icing and spun it round to get the icing to the bottom only for it to spray out in an arc all over the kitchen walls and ceiling. Cleaned it all off but the stains were visible so we had to redecorate 🤣

Put some chicken thighs in a pan of water to boil to feed the (prince) dog. Went out for a long walk and play on the beach followed by breakfast in a cafe. As we left the cafe my other half asked me if I'd turned the stove off before we came out. No!!!!!! I have never walked that mile home so fast in all my life. Expected to see a fire engine outside the house, following smoke. But nothing! By some miracle there was still water in the pan of extremely tender chicken.

I had some plastic bowls I saved after eating the trifle that came in them. I used to make jelly in them, which was fine. When I made blancmange the bowl started melting as I poured the liquid blancmange in. I'd forgotten the jelly was cooler, as I added cold water before pouring.

I have a few.
Having a sleepover at a friends house when I was a teenager, put a plastic tub on the (just used) induction hob. Luckily we noticed quite quickly, and her brother covered for us with her parents whilst we cleaned it up.
At uni, one housemate didn't know you couldn't put metal into the microwave. Had to get the microwave replaced.
Also at uni, another housemate came back very drunk one night, put a pie in the oven and then fell asleep. We all got woken up by the smoke alarms going off and a very black pie.
DH has grilled a cake before, couldn't understand why it was still soggy at the bottom, thought the oven was broken. I constantly have to remind him/ check what setting he puts the oven on in case it's the grill or vice versa.
I've burnt pigs in blankets before, put them in the bottom of the oven and forgot about them as I was getting flustered cooking my first Christmas dinner in a tiny flat kitchen.
DH also asks me every time he cooks pizza if he should leave the cardboard/ foam board underneath the pizza. Every time. It just doesn't seem to sink in.

I've left eggs and potatoes to boil dry. Left oil heating ( then raced outside with the pan and put it on the decking, where it burnt a round mark). Poured pasta sauce I'd made into a freezer bag, forgetting to let it cool - burnt straight through the bag and covered the floor. I have filled the kitchen with smoke quite a few times ...

I once lifted the beaters of the hand mixer out of the chocolate cake mix without turning it off first. Cake mix all over the kitchen, including the ceiling!

Dd1 put popcorn on the job to cook, then went to the loo and forgot about it - only realised when the next door neighbour rang our doorbell to tell me about the black smoke billowing out of out kitchen window!

My sis is great at breaking things. Possibly the most memorable incident was the tinfoil-in-the-microwave disaster—the whole thing went up in flames and it was time to buy a new microwave.

I’m just appallingly clumsy. I once dropped a whole pasta bake on the floor on its way out of the oven. In all honestly, I salvaged most of it I mean it was floor pasta or nothing so...

I also once nearly set the kitchen on fire by turning the wrong burner on on the hob—the one I’d left a tea towel on top of.

And last but not least—I was washing up a little too vigorously and a glass broke in my hand. My hand was cut really badly and I panicked and was literally just waving it around splattering blood everyone. The kitchen looked like a crime scene. I was yelling for my husband and he came running and helped me but not before reminding me that (at the time) I was a nurse and should know better than to wave a freely bleeding wound around with wild abandon. I mean—okay but it’s different when it’s your own hand 😂

I've set fire to a couple of tea towels and oven gloves (left too near to gas rings ...)

I still remember the time my DH undercooked the boiled eggs, put them in the microwave for 10 seconds to finish off, forgot about them and BOOM...!

(He's normally pretty good in the mitchen, er, kitchen )

I decided a great way to save on washing up when melting butter for a cheesecake base was to melt it in the microwave in the bowl with the Oreo crumbs. Oreos don't do well in the microwave... Whole kitchen filled with a acrid smoke and DH had to retrieve a firey bowl or Oreo crumbs from the microwave.

I also took the lid off a pan of popcorn before it had finished popping. DH (again!) found me cowering at the back of the kitchen with the lid over my head to protect me from the showers of very hot popcorn exploding across the kitchen.

I'm normally quite a good cook. Honest.

I thought a mitchen was going to be new word for a man kitchen, only used by men. Like a man cave

@toastfiend - I don’t bother melting butter for cheesecake bases any more - i blitz up the biscuits and add the room temperature butter then blitz again - works a treat.

And it avoids the sort of brain fart I had when trying to soften butter to make garlic bread, and couldn’t think how long to nuke it for - so decided 2 minutes would be about right. I had to get more butter.

Today I decided to heat up some veggie burgers for lunch. The phone rang and I went to answer it. Turns out I forgot to take my lunch out of the microwave. So I ended up eating slightly burned food for lunch today. Luckily I had opened the windows beforehand so the smell could dissipate quickly.

A dickhead in my uni halls put a takeaway pizza, still in its box, in the microwave for God knows how long. The fire service had to come out and the whole corridor was full of smoke.

I melted a bottle as I put the microwave on grill setting by accident.

I melted the carpet in the kitchen (we’d not long moved in so hadn’t got round to putting proper floor in) by dropping a pan of oil out of the oven and over my flip flopped feet.

I set fire to the slo cooker on the ceramic job as I turned the wrong ring on for the rice. Massive electrical crackle and stench. Fused the downstairs.

Ah, the spinach soup incident. Although strictly this wasn't my fault. I made a huge vat of spinach and potato soup. Lovely dark green gloopy soup. Left it on the hob to cool, lid off.

Went into the kitchen some time later, and startled the cat. Who leapt on the hob, sending the pot flying. It bounced off the floor, upwards against one set of cupboards and off towards the other set. There was soup absolutely everywhere, floor, cupboards, ceiling (my, scrubbing that on a step ladder was fun), me and even up the couple of stairs and onto the landing. Never knew it could travel so far.

And not a speck on the fat furry orange shitbag who caused the incident.

One Tuesday morning during Summer I got out a chop to defrost while I was at work. I put it in the microwave so the cats wouldn’t get at it. But then that evening I went out for drinks, the next night the gym, drinks again and then Friday on the town.

Saturday morning I was rudely woken by my FM lavishly throwing up all over the kitchen as she discovered the by now rancid chop.

I was banned from the house let alone the kitchen.