Being banned from the mitchen

[Elphie54]

(Light hearted in case it isnt obvious):

After nearly successfully burning down the kitchen, my other half has told me I am no longer allowed in the kitchen without adult supervision (he is obviously joking). My horrible crime that led to that? I accidentally put something in the microwave for 13 minutes instead of 1:30 minutes. Around minute 7, I smelled something burning and thought the neighbors were burning food, to look over and realize there was smoke coming from the kitchen. Yikes! Thankfully there were no flames.

Help me feel a bit better about myself? What are some of your worst kitchen disasters?

Hubby decided to cook jacket potatoes in our combi oven/microwave. Put them onto microwave for 40 minutes instead of the oven setting. I came home to be greeted with a waft of smoke and burning smell from the kitchen. He threw the spuds outside to cool (why?!) And I discovered one in the flower bed a year later totally as it was the day it was thrown out 😂

mitchen = messy kitchen?!

My late Mum was famous for leaving pans to boil dry on the hob - most notably pans of milk as she used to make her instant coffee using boiled milk . So she bought a Pyrex thingy which you put in the pan with the liquid and it rattled once the liquid was boiling, so the sound altered you to your boiling pan. I'm sure she often ignored the rattling sound too. I've lost count of the number of times Dad and I got home from work/school to walk through the front door smelling burnt milk!

I deep fried some chips in a huge pan of oil. It wasn’t heating quick enough and we were hungry so I decided to speed things up a little and put the lid on and turned up the heat.
Needless to say when I took the lid off a huge fireball exploded everywhere.
Like the previous poster I grabbed it while it was still on fire and then it out the garden and it left a massive black ruined patch in the decking.
My eyelashes were burnt off and I smelt of pork the whole day.
My children were asking ‘where are our chips mummy?’ as I was wandering around in shock after.

"altered"?! That would be alerted!!

Don'tharshmymellow - sorry that made me laugh! .. Visions of eyelash-less shocked mummy wandering around the house! - - precisely the sort of thing I'd do! - -

Not directly me but....
I used to work with this woman who had an incredibly annoying habit of saying 'I told you' to me when she was in front of other people, about things I'd had to talk HER into. I'd built up quite a head of steam about it and really wanted to get in there first some time.

She'd given me a pressure cooker recipe for dhal and part of it said 'block the vent with some dough'. A conversation ensued about how unsafe that was....
A month or so later, she moved into her new house and when I went to bring a house warming gift, she opened the door and the whole inside of the kitchen was covered In Yellow dhal.

First. Bloody. Words. Out of my mouth were not 'is everyone ok', no, in front of her mom, dad, husband and sister I stand there and say 'I told you' in a really immature voice.

Fucking idiot. I did apologise and ask after everyone's safety immediately thereafter.

My friend and I were 13 and it was the first time we had been allowed home alone in her parents house together. Her mum and dad had gone for a drink in the pub 5 minutes up the road, and had left us with a frozen pizza for our tea. My friend had been shown how to use the oven (in their brand new kitchen) and we felt very grown up. About ten minutes later two boys from school rang my friends house and asked if we wanted to go for a walk. We were so excited we completely forgot about the pizza we had put in the oven.... nearly an hour later we got back to find my friends dad swearily wafting smoke away madly in the kitchen.... we were never allowed to use the oven again in her house 😬

I have as a teenager:
Ate microwave popcorn. Had a few kernels left over and thought I'd finish them off.
5 ish kernels alone in the microwave is basically empty as far as the microwave is concerned. No fire. Fortunately. But the microwave stopped working..

Set fire to spaghetti. Didn't 'melt' it into the pan like you're meant to and just left the strands leaning over the edge. Cue mini fire.

As an adult. Occasionally I'll heat a pan with oil in, leave it a little too long before adding whatever it is I'm cooking. The fierce slightly smoky reaction sets the fire alarm off if I have forgotten to turn on the extractor.

Rice cooking is not a strong point. If you haven't cooked enough rice, please come to mine. I always cook too much. Had a great cup from tiger which was £4 - totally worth it just for measuring rice. But someone smashed it...

Don't use toastie makers anymore because years ago came home from work shattered rustled up a cheese toastie put it in the machine, the lid was a absolute bugger to close put all my effort into it, I had trapped the cable between the two hit plates lid blew open and the resulting electric shock blew me on my bum.

I asked OH to put away the shopping the other day. Opened the fridge a few hours later and he'd put my maternity pads in there

@Elphie54 - my dh once decided to warm the shoe polish before cleaning his shoes (his brother was in the Coldstream Guards and told him this helps get a really good shine). Instead of using a match or lighter to warm some in the lid of the shoe polish tin, he decanted some into a bowl and warmed it in the microwave.

It caught fire - and the first I knew about it was dh hurtling past me, out to the car to get the fire extinguisher, yelling at me to call the fire brigade, as he went!

Luckily, by the time they arrived, he'd put the fire out, and there was no harm done (even the microwave was undamaged, after he'd cleaned out the powder from the extinguisher), but the firemen had a good laugh at him!

I seem to only do stupid stuff in other people’s house 🤦‍♀️

I was baby sitting and left the pizza on the polystyrene for example, took ages to scrub away the evidence so I didn’t look incompetent to mind a child. Probably bemused to find their oven sparkling....

Whilst watching my friends severely autistic child I stupidly got the olive oil out and forgot. In the 1.5 min I was on the loo he had spread an oil slick over the entire floor, every cabinet and himself. Not easy to clean.

I tried to make fish cakes once. Used every pan and utensil I owned and still ended up with fish slop with about a gallon of bread dust in.

I’m actually quite a good cook...

Didn't realise water was needed for pasta, asked my mum when would I know if the pasta was done and she asked if the water was bubbling yet.... what water. Still don't know how I did that. Wish I could say I was a child but I was around 21!

when very sleep deprived with a newborn, I put the electric kettle on the gas hob. I knew somewhere in my addled brain it wasnt right and luckily took it off before I'd caused too much damage!

First time dp was at mine I bunged a frozen pizza in the oven with tin foil under it lp 25/30 mins later the pizza was half frozen in the middle and he ending up eating more tin foil than pizza 😂 😂 thankfully now he does all the cooking

@delboysskinandblister too funny. I suspect it was pretty common after a few beers.

When my DM was a young woman and just embarking on married life she bought a Fray Bentos pie and put it in the oven (one of those pies in a tin). She didn't realise you had to loosen the lid first and after a while - KABOOM - it exploded everywhere!

And then there was the time that I set the microwave to cook for 3.5 minutes and pressed START. Which was fine, except that the food was still on the counter next to the microwave. That was an expensive mistake. Had to replace the microwave
You can't put a microwave on without there being food in it?! Why is that not plastered across the door?! I had no idea
There was the time when I put one of those sachets of sweet & sour sauce in the microwave to heat (in the same I do with the Dolmio pasta ones) only to discover flames leaping around in it not long after. Apparently those pouches have foil / metal in them..... Oops. Never could get the burn marks out.

Some of these posts are making me feel faint with anxiety. All these burning mitchens ...

I did actually set the kitchen on fire. Turned on the knobs for the gas job when there was a wicker basket of folded laundry on top. Tremendous damage to kitchen and lots of smoke and water damage (fire brigade putting it out). As it was a flat, water and smoke damage to other flat too.

In my defence, apparently I was about 18 months old. My mother stopped using the hob as a testing place for things thereafter (so I’m told).

One Christmas, DM spent an age making proper bread sauce from scratch.

Inevitably, when straining it, she poured away the lovingly prepared sauce.

Warning. Metal and microwaves. Very dangerous, never switch on an empty microwave. Never put anything metal in your microwave, including crockery with gold or silver decoration. Forget the technical reason but don't do it.

Hob, not job. Resting place, not testing. Darn autocorrect

I had agreed to bring an apple cake for my grandmum's birthday. As it was between Christmas and New Year's I was off work and started to make it in the morning.
Mixed the dough, cut the apples, pre-heated the oven, put everything in the tin and just as I was about to put everything into the oven at 12:55pm, the tin catches on the rack, topples over and the whole dough and apple mixture is evenly distributed on the floor, the oven door and the drawer underneath the oven.
No chance to clean it in time for a new cake so at 12:58, two minutes before they closed for lunch, I rang our usual baker and ordered whatever they had left over for pick up at 3:00pm.

The other time was when I made a Dr Oetker cake mixture with my two much younger cousins and a friend of theirs.
They were being quite distracting so I read 600ml of milk instead of 60ml, cake came out looking like a frisbee.