People too 'busy' to text back

[BerriTerri]

A simple question is either

• read instantly then takes hours for a reasonably urgent response such a response to ‘do you still need me or pick A up from school today was the car fixed?’ (and whenever you see them they are on their phone...)

Or

Those that just don’t bloody reply and then waft around with the ‘sorry I was sooooo busy this weekend’. Like anyone is that busy they can’t text inside 48hrs (I have 5 kids, work, home Educate and like them I still manage to waste time online let alone text)

I’ve seen it tbh as reason to pretty much drop contact/ friends when it’s repeated. But then they raise it like I’m funny???

Are people just really odd or rude nowadays. Are all these people on Mumsnet and can explain...?

Why not phone them if you want to speak to them? Some people don't like communicating by text.

Phones are for the convenience of the owner not for the convenience of the person trying to ring or text that phone.

I think if someone had me picking up their child 'in case their car wasn't fixed', and then ignored (as opposed to responding asap saying yes please thank you so much) a message checking that I was still needed , that would be the last time time I helped them out. After all, the fact that ive asked, means I don't really want to, but will do it if I have to. If they can't be arsed to reply, I feel that ive solved their problem and become instantly invisible in doing so - not on.

sorry this is me - i hate texting

fair enough if a quick answer is needed e.g. the pick up - but for all these 'how are you texts' i find it draining. for some reason literally cannot stand it, i always mean to reply but then suddenly its been 2 weeks and i still haven't!

If something needs an quick answer and is likely to end there, I'll reply promptly. But if it's likely to start an endless conversation there and then, I'll often wait a while deliberately before replying because I feel if they see I'm online immediately after their text, I'll feel obliged to 'chat' for a while and often just cba with that on someone else's demand.

Yanbu.
Try ringing if you need a quicker reply. If they Still dont answer nor ring back (work depending, but even ft usually get alunch break) then review that friendship.

I find if I don't answer straightaway it then gets forgotten until hours/days later. So, therefore if I'm 'busy at the moment' the text arrives then often not replied too. All my friends are the same and we joke about it. If it's important we ring.

If I can’t reply straight away I will always reply that evening and say ‘ sorry couldn’t text back earlier ....’ and say why it really only takes about 10 seconds

Oh believe me I’m no small talk person on text, I probably send on average 1 a day! I’m a very functional person with text. I just seem to know a few without manners! Mine are boring stuff like meeting arrangements/ I picked up xx at dance can drop it by

It just feels a tad self-important.

I don’t ring as my hearing is too poor for mobiles and I end up shouting WHAT? the whole call and having to check by text after. I’m guessing though people who ignore texts ignore calls anyway, well at least the youngish generations do.

It depends. If it's an information text ie your car tyre is ready i will immediately say thanks, be there at 4.

If it has Emojis and looks like someone wants a text conversation I'll probably ignore it for a week then text OK so they hopefully, hopefully realise I never want a text convo or unicorn emoji.

Frankly I wish people would only phone in emergencies.

I am not a phoner but if something needs urgent action then even I would call.

Sometimes it is good not to be distracted by texts and the likes

I just absolutely hate texting.
Especially replying to massive long essays.
It's the bane of my life.

I much prefer a phone call.

Totally understand wanting a reply to texts arranging plans, questions that need an answer etc. But I bloody hate all these 'hey how have you been and what have you been up to? How the baby? How's the dog? How's the next door neighbours cat?' texts. I've been known to wait ages before replying as I hate small talk over text.

Most of my friends are my age (50) and tend to txt back within the day, apart from one who loves to be thought of as “busier” than the rest of us.
The real culprit though is my student son at Uni, hopeless at communicating. Txts to check he’s still alive may get answered a few days later if I’m lucky. Ringing is no good he always lets it go to voicemail.
He’s quick to contact me if his money is running low though

My mobile spends most of the time uncharged at the bottom of my handbag so if you were expecting an immediate response from me you would be out of luck.

I get this BerriTerri...I do understand most people sometimes forget or can't reply if they are at work etc but I there is a pattern with certain friends of mine. There are a couple who almost never reply but woe behind if you don't answer them - they are sending you another text like "??" or "well?"...I can feel the red mist descending.

I just find since texting, people just don't communicate as well...it's sad :(

I much prefer texting to phone calls but I'll reply when I'm ready or want to unless it's urgent. What I don't want is a non urgent text, followed by a text and then an email to say I've texted you within about an hour. Makes me want to reply even less.

I'm totally with you on this.

Nobody is THAT busy, I don't care what anybody says.

However, I can understand that people may forget to reply due to work and other commitments. However you said you can see them online long after you sent the mesaage so that's unacceptable. It takes 5 seconds to reply. It doesn't need to be a long message back. Just a "Yes" or "No" reply.

You are not being unreasonable.

Communication with people makes me super anxious. I always put it off if it’s not genuinely urgent. I usually claim busy-ness as an excuse in some form or another. In truth it just makes me horrendously anxious to try and think of what to say or to contemplate having to actually talk to the person or even worse spend time with them. That sounds like I don’t like them but it’s not true, these are usually people I like, often people I originally mustered the courage to reach out to but now it all feels too real and I’m envisioning having to change into normal clothes instead of pyjamas and I just want to hide for a week.

Time that sounds exactly like me

I often don't look at my phone all day. I hate the presumption that I am always available.

If it's urgent and the person's expecting the text (I.e. your scenario where lift arrangements being made)... then yanbu - it's rude not to text back (though I've been guilty of this many times). If it's really urgent though then a call is better. I check my texts once a week and WhatsApp a couple times a day so would miss lots of urgent interactions if the sender didn't call. Like other posters, I just really can't stand messaging...

I’m one of those crap people
If people are offended by my late reply to a non urgent text then that’s definitely their issue, not mine. I wouldn’t be offended if someone didn’t reply, or replied after days, life gets in the way. It’s just needy IMO

I totally get people work/ don’t use them much and a million other reasons

I’m taking about those who show up as ‘read’ very fast , you always see with their phone to hand and do it every time. Obviously if I’m swimming or out I may take a while, it’s those irritating people you know are free and do that affected ‘I’m busy’ stuff. Socially confident but often a little controlling...

I think some people do genuinely forget to reply. I know I do sometimes! It’s not that I’m too busy, it’s more that I end up getting distracted and then forget.