People too 'busy' to text back

[BerriTerri]

A simple question is either

• read instantly then takes hours for a reasonably urgent response such a response to ‘do you still need me or pick A up from school today was the car fixed?’ (and whenever you see them they are on their phone...)

Or

Those that just don’t bloody reply and then waft around with the ‘sorry I was sooooo busy this weekend’. Like anyone is that busy they can’t text inside 48hrs (I have 5 kids, work, home Educate and like them I still manage to waste time online let alone text)

I’ve seen it tbh as reason to pretty much drop contact/ friends when it’s repeated. But then they raise it like I’m funny???

Are people just really odd or rude nowadays. Are all these people on Mumsnet and can explain...?

On the basis of that you are being manipulated. She’s just assuming you will pick up her slap.

With a friend this flakey the response to her first text was “I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well”. Then she has to actually ask, which makes thing clearer.

If she follows up with “can you take x to school” you can either say yes or no.

You need to stop offering things. People are taking you for granted. Things will be less fuzzy if they have to ask.

Slack!! Not slap

Very assertive BerriTerri

I am going to message my friend. Wish me luck…

I always respond if it requires an answer - always use text or whatsapp never ring and speak to people because if expect them to be busy like me and don't wish to ring at an awkward moment

Not answering a text about school pick up is totally out of order. Anything else.... depends on the person really. I get goodness knows how many texts in a day, maybe 100 WhatsApps - school/friends/clubs/party groups just add up to endless pings. I have to leave them all alone to be honest otherwise I’d be on the phone all day answering. I try to respond to all of them in one go say in the evening, but if the day runs away with me then the next morning or even next evening I’m sending a “sorry for the late reply” text. I’m always looking at my phone waiting for emails, so maybe people think I’m always ready to reply, but I really just can’t justify the endless distraction!

Yearofyourreminder- hope I works!

I get what you mean but sometimes I just don't feel like replying straight away! Whether I'm busy or not. This never happened in the past when we had the basic old phones! You texted and that's the end of it. Nowadays you just sit there waiting for the person to reply and if they don't, you get all moody over it. As I said, sometimes I just don't feel like texting. I will do it whenever I feel like it. If it's that's important then they can call! Otherwise: sod it.

Quick texts needing an answer & not leading to long conversations, fine - as soon as I get it. Texts wanting a back & forth of utter bollocks - you may have to wait. And once I get distracted then you're in for a serious wait. I have no desire to be on call 24-7.

I agree OP- particularly when you know they are on their phone a lot.
I have one friend who is notoriously useless with her phone- replies up to a week later! We all know this and here is the key to it : she is like it with everyone. The ones that annoy me are the people who can chat away on other whatsapp groups/ update facebook etc but can't reply to messages etc it just feels so rude. I have a couple of family members like this- glued to phones at meals etc, wont reply to group messages until second or third ask- yet in other groups that they are interested in more- their messages are pinging away. It's just so rude

I don’t know OP. I usually tend to reply pretty quickly 9 times out of 10 (I do this in case I forget).
Usually certain people delay reply or don’t reply at all but if they text you about something could benefit them if you haven’t replied within 10 minutes they text again impatiently. I had a work colleague like this and as said i reply quickly 9 times out of 10. But she’s texted me on holiday, during a facial at a hospital appointment and if I haven’t relied quickly enough for her she’ll text again.

This is why my WhatsApp blue ticks are turned off, so no-one can send me a message and then stalk online after, and sit and get huffy that I haven’t dropped anything to reply immediately.
It’s weird, and I can’t stand how we’re supposed to all be instantly available

You're doing the right thing. If you offer a favour and they can't be bothered to reply you can assume said favour is not required and consider yourself free to make other plans.

@PreseaCombatir

Have you not read the OP? You don't have to reply immediately but if you're expecting someone to do you a favour you should have the courtesy to let them know in good time.

My OH is like this - I used to text/whatsapp and say "Would you like me to pick you up from the station tonight?" or whatever... no reply. So I was left hanging, do I wait or not. Now I give everything a deadline... "Would you like me to pick you up from the station tonight? Let me know by 6pm otherwise I'll be gone" or similar. Or "I'm going to X activity in 10 mins, let me know by then if you need a lift". If not response I just ignore and carry on!

Of course I’ve read the OP. But threads tend to move into more generalised discussions.
And I’m clearly commenting on the expectation these days of being immediately available, or not replying even though they’ve been ‘seen’ online since

Phone is better if you genuinely need an immediate answer. Text fine for a piece of information, such as a time you will be there, or when taxi firms tell you the reg no of the vehicle.

but for all these 'how are you texts' i find it draining.

This. I can do quick answer. But if it requires a proper response I need the headspace to respond properly. This is partly dictated by my anxiety. If I respond off the cuff without much thought, I then obsess over it — reading, re-reading, trying to remember what I put. It’s incredibly exhausting and draining. So sometimes I don’t respond for quite a while because I’m waiting for the right moment to sit down and pay appropriate attention. Although I do try to remind myself that sometimes people just want to hear from me and aren’t judging the size of my response etc. It’s exhausting.

I think your issue is with this particular person OP! Too busy to answer unless she wants you to do something I’d say.

I know what you mean in general. Whether we like it or not, most folks are plugged into the matrix alllll the time so a ‘read’ but no response to a direct question or suggestion feels like a rejection. That said, I know which of my mates are not welded to their phone and which are, so would take the hump only if they were in the relevant category. Sounds like your woman is a bit of a fair weather friend -user- so you are quite right to be irritated

It's all about priorities and yes, sometimes people are doing things that are more important to them than replying to a text.

I can't stand it when people think I have an obligation to reply to their texts sharply... I will read a text and if it's not urgent (which should be a call anyway) or important I won't normally text back right away, especially if I have to think about a response which could take some time..
sometimes I forget because I have other distractions and it may be the next day before they even get a reply but if it's that important to them they can always pick up the phone.

Sometimes my kids are using my phone for the games. If a text pops up, they click on it and then close out of it to make it go away so they can continue with their game. It will show up as 'read' to the other person. You never know whats happening on the other side of the phone.
I actually find phones rude in general. Work or the people I am with in person come before a text. I will pick up if someone calls though, even if it's to tell them I am busy and will call back later.

unpopular opinion here probably, but i think all forms of incoming and outgoing conversations are at the receiving persons convenience, because that person is at any point in time living their life.
I think because its so easy to text, we are now bombarded with messages and its completely unreasonable for anyone toexpect that ill stop whatever this it is im doing to answer a message, even if it would take me 2 seconds. Its the interruption that is unrrasonable. I will respond to messages at my convenience and expect others to do the same. if i miss out on some urgent stuff because of it, so be it, totally worth it if it lets me completely focus on whatever it is im doing in my actual real life.

Maybe try wording it differently, like let me know if you want me to pick up .... from school today. They might realise if they don't reply the child won't be collected.

Hate texting....its impersonal. If someone wants s response that quick then they can ring and have a human conversation

Chutney, I think that's the answer, same with email. People just completely ignore what they are not very interested in. It seems rude, but it looks like everyone can't keep up. You wouldn't make so many calls, it would take too long. Quick is not always better, quality not quantity

Op perhaps she didn't know how she would feel am. Or hoped dh or someone would take kid to school but they couldn't. So she wanted and txt you later