People too 'busy' to text back

[BerriTerri]

A simple question is either

• read instantly then takes hours for a reasonably urgent response such a response to ‘do you still need me or pick A up from school today was the car fixed?’ (and whenever you see them they are on their phone...)

Or

Those that just don’t bloody reply and then waft around with the ‘sorry I was sooooo busy this weekend’. Like anyone is that busy they can’t text inside 48hrs (I have 5 kids, work, home Educate and like them I still manage to waste time online let alone text)

I’ve seen it tbh as reason to pretty much drop contact/ friends when it’s repeated. But then they raise it like I’m funny???

Are people just really odd or rude nowadays. Are all these people on Mumsnet and can explain...?

Just because someone appears socially confident doesn’t mean they are though...

Depends.
If I leave my phone for eg 3 hours because I'm working or something, I will on average have approx 70 WhatsApp's, and a half dozen messages for a meet up/activity of some kind for either me or my children.
I'll need to have my diary with me (Kept at home), to organise any meet-ups/activities. That could be the following day if I'm out or at work.
So, your one text might well take a one minute response, but I invariably have about 30 similar.

"I probably send on average 1 a day!"

Maybe that's the crux then. I receive shedloads of texts a day - friends, relatives, colleagues - on top of children/work/dog/house/social life it can be really draining and I hate stopping what I'm doing to answer them so often I just put them off and off and off.

But a "who's picking the kids up today" text would always get answered.

I guess I’m an old fashioned manners person and ‘life gets in the way’ does sum up a modern trend I don’t get. It’s like the always late as your time isn’t important crew. Again, not the normal stuff that happens, but the persistent ones who just never try to think of others/ see it as needy. If my actions result in someone waiting alone or unable to arrange their own plans I do find it rude. For example today I spent half the morning not knowing which of my kids I could fit in the car for a trip waiting to find out about another child, mine were bothered and I came very close to withdrawing my previous lift offer. If I had the child would have missed her class as her mum hadn’t fixed her car as she’d hoped

Wow 75+ messages on average every 3 hours! Someone needs to sort their settings out.

Funnily, no I’m not in the 70 texts bracket. I don’t use my phone very much at all. It’s more something I have so I can track kids if needed, I don’t like phones much. I just keep in charge and look reasonably often or have sound on. I’d not have one without kids, I’m social- but just not a phone person

I would love to @A580Hojas
But within eg one WhatsApp group say of 30 messages, I'll need to know 1 of the messages. Unfortunately you have to get all 30, to get the 1.

In that case op, if you don't get many messages, then obviously you're in a position to respond to a single text you might get. Other people can have more texts.

I don’t text back straight away. My phone is at the bottom of the handbag, out of charge etc, or I simply forget.

YABU to not set up your phone with your hearing aid so that you can actually use it for resolving these dilemmas!

Modern technology and all that, get yourself down Specsavers or wherever for hearing test!

Thing is, it might only take a minute to reply but then you get another text back and then have to reply to that etc and before you know it lots of texts are flying back and forth over a non urgent conversation. So I can see why some people leave it until later to reply.

It's pretty arrogant to expect people to instantly reply after seeing it as "read." The phone isn't there to expect instant contact with someone for a non urgent text.

Back when people only had land lines you would leave an answering machine message if they didn't answer (they may have been in but just not answering the phone.) You wouldn't expect that person to instantaneously call you back, they would do so when they can.

I have my phone on DND and silent 100% of the time, I have all notifications set to off, and I look at my phone when I choose.

Text messages are nor non-urgent communication. If you need immediate answer, call. When I'm having fun, reading a book, working, or doing anything important, including relaxing, I do not feel like spending that time staring at a screen writing text. Texts are annoying because sometimes they never bloody end! Give her a bloody call.

"I guess I’m an old fashioned manners person and ‘life gets in the way’ does sum up a modern trend I don’t get."

But you are in the band of people who are in this "modern trend" of expecting instant contact with instant replies.

Up until the last 10/15 years people didn't expect to be able to get hold of someone/replies instantly outside of an emergency. It's a very modern trend for everything to be instant now, including contact with people.

I absolutely hate being railroaded into text conversations. I have a friend who messages me relentlessly on Facebook Messenger - it's bordering on ridiculous. If I don't respond to "Hi how r u" immediately, I get "????" and "U ok hun" ad infinitum.

If I want a lengthy chat, I'll call you. I'm well known for never being able to find my phone, as I'm not glued to it. I check Facebook once in a blue moon. I'm just not all that sociable!

Ok... I just don’t get it all!

Arrogant to expect a reply within a hour or so to something like:

‘Do you need me to pick xxxx up again? Let me know as I’ll need to drop yyy home first if I do’

On my logic waiting until near pick up time to response, when you new the answer when first asked and read the message, is arrogant. To me it’s flat out bonkers to read something like that and think to myself I’ll not be letting that arrogant person know until it’s nearly too late...

I’m going to just accept I do not get thinking of people, and lay of text favours in particular as it drives me mad, after reading this.

I don’t have text chats, sounds odd tbh I’d just arrange to meet for a cuppa, and it seems people just use phones differently to me.

I guess my thought was ‘oh best let them know, I’ll reply as soon as I get a chance’ normally and reply when I’ve got a reasonable chance to. It sounds like there’s whole layers of thinking and point making I haven’t thought of on this one. I’m genuinely not stressed to do a quick yes/ no / 10am pleased kind of reply to a message. I’ve never really had text chats with anyone really, maybe the odd few texts back and forth but rarely. I’m out the loop it seems.

arethereanyleftatall do you really average around 18 requests for meet ups in a 9 hour period? That is unimaginable. You must spend a lot of your waking hours turning them all down!

"Do you need me to pick xxxx up again? Let me know as I’ll need to drop yyy home first if I do"

Maybe this is just an example, but in this case you're engineering yourself into a position where you're staring your phone waiting for an answer. Can't you just assume that they don't need you to pick up X otherwise it would've ben prearranged?

Urgh. I cannot stand the assumption people make that texts should be replied to immediately. Phone could be charging, in another room, left in the car, purposely left elsewhere to have some time away from it, or the other person could have a job where no mobile phones are allowed to be used. If urgent, phone. If a reply can wait, text.

Sometimes I'll have a super quick read at work (maybe when I nip to the toilets) but won't be able to reply. Well I'd better stop doing that then.

No that's not arrogant at all. Asking for a reply to arrange kids pick ups is completely different and would be classed as more "urgent " to reply to. I was more referring to the "hi how are you" type texts where the sender sees you read it and gets annoyed that you didn't instantly reply.

What I don’t get is when people don’t reply to texts when they’ve asked me for the information in the first place. One of my friends is terrible for this:

Her: What time do you want to meet tonight?
Me: Shall we say 7?

(Five hours later at 6): Yeah, good with me x

What will happen to me is that when the text arrives I am just taking the dog for a walk. I try to look at my phone and the text comes up, but then the dog sees a hamburger under a hedge and I stuff the phone back in my pocket to drag her the other way. So I go home, and when I get there the phone is ringing and when I answer it's someone from work, so I go and sort that out. Next time I look at my phone it's 6pm, I'm hungry and tired and I've forgotten that I had a text from you.

HTH.