AIBU to expect people not to buy cheap knock offs for Christmas?

[TealTurnip]

My family has always done a Christmas wish list. We find it takes the pressure off if you have no idea what to get someone, and mostly avoids unwanted gifts that end up being Ebayed.

SIL and MIL have repeatedly told DH they’ve found a replica of an item on my wish list. For example a £5 Chinese knock off of a keyring that costs £20. Or a £10 candle that looks similar to a £30 candle. Or a £2 bar of chocolate that’s the same flavour as a £6 bar of chocolate.

It isn’t a money issue. We all have a gift budget of £40 for adults and £60 for kids (to avoid awkwardness because some people can’t afford to spend as much). DH reckons they just think they can get more gifts for the same money and don’t realise/care that it’s not the same.

I’m getting narked now though. I’ve just bought DNephew some branded toys from his wish list and now found out that SIL has bought DS a train set from Aldi that’s “a quarter of the price but exactly the same” as the Brio train set on his wish list.

I’m prepared to be told IABU and should be grateful for any gift, but I feel like I’m buying them all the good stuff they’ve suggested on their wish lists and not really getting anything worthwhile in exchange.

If it helps OP, the knock off version of Lego is called 'Lepin'

You sound like an arse.
Aldi or Ikea trains are the same as Brio. Are you always so insecure?

I agree with ushu. (but seems we are in a minority of two)

Aldi is not the same as brio! What a stupid thing to say! Clearly a tag present giver!

Totally feel for you OP!

Do as trojanhorse said - ask them to swap! If not swap theirs!

*tat

£40 and £60 bugets? Put your foot down and say, were spending £20 each this year, if you want to buy us more that is your choice but we cannot and will not be spending so much!

It would just make me want to give up on present buying and receiving! better to scrap it all, sounds so not in the spirit and depressing..and no fun for you, OP

Wow that is a big budget, must cost a fortune, ok if you can ALL afford that. Maybe your SIL can't afford and is too afraid to say.

I honestly think the problem lies with your DH and the chip on his shoulder. Why on earth are you spending insane amounts of money on other people, and leaving yourselves unable to buy for each other?

We dont do big presents at Christmas. Big presents are for birthdays. I am getting nice gifts for nieces and nephews, and for my DD, of course, but not for adults. It got to the stage where we were all buying each other things just for the sake of buying them, they werent thoughtful gifts at all.

Good example why people go into debt at Christmas, no need for big budget. I would scrap the presents next year, and just say next year we are buying for the kids £20 each and a token present for the adults.

businessEthics Tell that to a small child whose heart is set on a particular type/brand of a toy

Op YANBU

I get this from family who I've decided never to ask for anything specific again. Last year it was knock of version of a toy for a 18mth old, the version I got wasn't suited for under 3's, a skateboard that's far too small and scooter that is miles too big.

The scooter I managed to replace with a 2nd hand version of what i requested. Skateboard not been replaced - yet. Both items were about a tenner cheaper than what I wanted.

This year it's the same again "we got this tablet because it was cheaper". I'm not convinced it will do what DD needs it to do. I wish they had just said sorry the tablet requested was too expensive and I could have budgeted for it.

Swap the presents you bought for cheap options. She may take the hint then when she hates her gift.

This is such a waste, all the badly made things will just end up in landfill as probably no-one wants them, not even from the charity shop. I agree with you OP, I'd much rather no or token presents too and to buy the things I actually want myself. The whole Christmas gift thing is madness IMHO. You need to work on your DH to try and get them to reduce budget or to give vouchers/experience type gifts instead of 'stuff'.

I'm the world's biggest Aldi fan, but I would only buy it as a gift if the recipient/their parents if a small child was happy with the Aldi version, which could be the same or better than branded.

But if they said they wanted the brand, I'd buy that even if it was obvious that the Aldi version was the same and/or cheaper.

But the worst thing about the OPs gift exchanging with her in laws is that it isn't the same both ways. Fine if they are all exchanging cheaper versions, but the inlaws are insisting on the brand and giving cheaper versions plus a load of crap that no-one wants in return. So they might as well give nothing, at least there aren't a load of things being wasted.

Your Christmas arrangements are nuts OP! If you have specific things on your lists what's really the point of exchanging gifts at all? Especially at that level of expenditure! It's clearly not "unfair" because they spend the same as you, they just have different priorities when it comes to brands etc. You're not compatible on this so should stick to token presents and treat yoour own DC.

I think the best options are

• start buying them knockoffs too
• resell what they give you so it’s not binned or wasted

You need to talk to DH. Sit him down, ask him to let you finish speaking before interrupting and then explain how you feel.

You are not greedy or ungrateful. I personally hate rip offs. There are lots of lovely original things about for all budgets, so why would you willingly buy a copy of something.

We don’t do adult gifts in our family because one of my siblings and I said that we were sick of the waste. It turned out that most of us felt the same way... And it’s liberating.

I'm still trying to get my head round a keyring that costs £20

However, YANBU. The whole point of having wishlists is that you actually get what you want, regardless of whether it is what the giver would like for themselves.

I think I would have to just tell them - in January or even after Christmas in December - and remind them again at Easter and in August, that you are not doing wishlists this year and are cutting back on presents to £15 for a child and £20 a couple. Everyone else can do what they want.

If you have specific things on your lists what's really the point of exchanging gifts at all?
To start with we didn’t have wish lists and SIL and MIL were just buying loads of rubbiah. Basically they bought stuff THEY liked and would be happy to receive, not stuff that DH and I wanted. And they were spending a LOT. Every year we were charity shopping several hundred pounds in unwanted gifts and DH was spending the same on them.

The wish list and the maximum budget were suggested by me to stop them wasting so much money (and also to stop DH spending the same amount on them). But they still want to give a BIG pile of gifts. So if they can’t spend loads then they have to buy cheap to get a big pile. Otherwise it “doesn’t look enough”.

I’d much prefer to stop giving gifts, or to give token gifts only. I agree it’s totally pointless to buy off a list of items that the recipient has provided. But it’s the best option available to avoid receiving tat because they’ll never agree to stop gifting altogether.

The whole point of having wishlists is that you actually get what you want, regardless of whether it is what the giver would like for themselves.
That’s the point of gifting full stop. You buy what the recipient would like, not what you’d like. SIL and MIL have apparently not grasped this. They look at my list and go “that’s too expensive for earrings, I can get earrings for half that price, I can’t possibly just give one gift”. But I want those earrings, I’m happy that they cost the entire budget and will be my only gift. The gift giver should consider what the recipient would like not what they’d choose themselves.

Why on earth are you spending insane amounts of money on other people, and leaving yourselves unable to buy for each other?
It’s the lowest budget we could negotiate. I wanted to go lower. DH says I’m spoiling Christmas and upsetting his family by trying to stop them giving gifts.

I hear ya! Big gift bags of utter shite every single year from MIL - but for me & DH - they always got our kids what we'd put on the list!!??!! Bless her - we kept repeating every year (in a nice way!) that we'd rather she saved her money & didn't buy for us any more, seeing as the family was full of kids & growing by the year, but it took bloody tons of landfill before she finally conceded!! 😂

Op I think your best way forward is to reduce budgets yet again.
Depending on the age of the kids you could ask for experience gifts, cinema vouchers, soft play tickets, annual pass for any local attractions those sort of things are impossible to get knocked off / get not quite right.

Thats part of my plan for next year. But the just as good as / we think this is better / its in the shop we are going too / bought 3 sizes too big in a sale months ago / actually drives me nuts.