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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

531 replies

Staceyjas · 24/11/2018 15:31

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
SuperGran6 · 27/11/2018 16:31

Well said. That's exactly as it should be.

howabout · 27/11/2018 16:44

So so so many posters protesting they would never charge and turns out NO NEED TO CHARGE because:

  1. rotating hosting
  2. family members sharing the load
  3. monetary gifts slipped in envelopes
  4. family donating the joint and all the booze and most of the nibbles
  5. you are the wealthy family member and happy to treat / want things to your budget
  6. you are the guests who turn out with the bargain wine and a pack of Pringles

I wouldn't charge the Op's DP if he were trecking 100s of miles at great expense to see his DM but this doesn't seem to be the case.

SuperGran6 · 27/11/2018 16:57

A mother's love for her children is like nothing else in the world, no matter how old they get. I'm sorry if you"ve never experienced that. I have 3 grown up married children and 6 grandchildren and nothing gives me more joy than seeing them happy and all being together at Christmas. And yes I have a life beyond family as I was a paediatric nurse, but nothing compares to the importance of my family.

Seniorschoolmum · 27/11/2018 17:14

I wouldn’t, no. If money was tight, I’d just ask people to bring specific dishes or a bottle.
It sounds like your MIL is using a caterer, and handing on the cost.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 27/11/2018 17:18

Mothers who can't afford to bear the entire costs of the Christmas meal for the whole clan don't love their families.

5fivestar · 27/11/2018 17:30

It is how it should be. Sadly for many it’s not doesn’t mean they should have less of a Christmas or family

MartaHallard · 27/11/2018 17:51

These ladies and gents have done their turn of Christmas meals... I also think that taking care of my parents and my husband's family is a lovely way of thanking them for all that they have done....This is what it should be like for loving families, support, love and care.

So where's the suport, love and care for the lady in the op? Who is thanking her for all she's done over the years?

It sounds like your MIL is using a caterer, and handing on the cost.

And why shouldn't she, if she's had enough of bearing all the cost, and doing all the work, year after year? I wouldn't be surprised if she's been increasingly fed up over the last few years, and her children have been oblivious. And now she's taking a stand, her children (or at least one of them) aren't saying 'what can we do to help, mum?' He's stropping off to get a free meal somewhere else.

lazymare · 27/11/2018 18:57

These ladies and gents have done their turn of Christmas meals,

Well exactly. Yet the entitled manchild in the OP resents helping his mum out with the cosy this year.

lazymare · 27/11/2018 18:58

*cost

Munchkinbug · 27/11/2018 19:34

I understand where your OH DM is coming from, as hosting festivities does get expensive. But to answer your question of would I do it? No, I wouldn't ask people to pay. If I couldn't afford to host, then I would apologise deeply, but say that I can't afford to do it. If they then offered to pay or contribute in some way, then it opens up the options. Similarly, I wouldn't hesitate to offer money/contributions to a host.

Whatever you choose, I hope you both have a lovely Christmas x

Ebet · 27/11/2018 20:47

We change houses every year and divide the cost evenly if the host/hostess has it catered. If you work this is the easiest solution to put on a nice meal. If the host/hostess want to cook then they cook the meat and divide out each dish and then that person has the option of cooking or bringing a store/restaurant item. The host/hostess already has the chore of cleaning the house before and after the party....We have been doing this for over 20 years.....

AdoraBell · 27/11/2018 20:52

Haven’t RTFT but no, I wouldn’t charge anyone I’ve invited.

If I couldn’t afford the whole shebang I would either suggest everyone brings a small thing, side dish etc, or if I couldn’t afford anything I would cancel or rearrange with as much notice as possible.

Ontheboardwalk · 27/11/2018 21:11

I don’t see anything wrong with people chipping in be it some wine or whatever.

If it was a large number of people the host was catering for I would ask if they wanted some cash chipping in.

Saying that my darling mother, who I don’t want anything from, hides £50 in my house EVERY Christmas 'towards the turkey'. She now texts me when she gets home to tell me where she’s hidden it after I had to retrieve it from the bin one year

LuckyDiamond · 27/11/2018 21:22

Imagine finding out that your miserable son begrudges chipping in to the cost of Christmas dinner from four different news sources?!

Yes imagine, because this is imaginary. No feelings have been hurt in the making of this thread. Nice little earner for the site with all the clicks.

Dongdingdong · 27/11/2018 22:00

I haven’t read the whole thread but wait - what?! You’re seriously considering charging your family for Christmas lunch? I have honestly never heard anything so Scrooge-like and CF in my life!

SuperGran6 · 27/11/2018 22:40

It's a mum's pride and privilege to have all her family around for Christmas dinner, yes it's hard work we all know that, but when you see the look on their faces, that's all the thanks any mum needs.

And remember to put yourself on the shitty forgotten chair dragged down from the loft and serve yourself a half portion and then your martyr halo is complete.

Yes it is a privilege to have your children round for Christmas dinner and I do feel very proud, because my children are precious to me. I used to work as a paediatric nurse and worked for a while in a children's hospice and that puts everything into perspective. I feel blessed as my children are healthy, grown up and with children of their own, something I will always feel privileged about especially when I think of the poor parents who lost their children to cancer and would give anything to have their children join them for dinner on Christmas day.

LuckyDiamond · 27/11/2018 22:47

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

You win the thread

formerbabe · 27/11/2018 22:48

but when you see the look on their faces, that's all the thanks any mum needs

Maybe when your children are small but surely if you have adult children you expect a bit more than a misty eyed grinning face as the only sign of thanks?!

And its not usually just child or grandchildren is it? Does anyone really get a warm feeling at spending a fortune, cooking and cleaning up after their in laws?!

Gimmie · 29/11/2018 19:58

I would say it would depend on how many people are coming. I recently hosted Thanksgiving Dinner at my home for my sister's and their families. I believe there were about 34 people here. For the first time I had help from one sister and a few of the Daughter in laws and nieces. When you are providing food for that many people it is costly in the hundreds of dollars. Easter I paid for all of it...I had less people. I think around 20. It cost us over $200 which wasn't too bad but geez...step up...tell mom you will provide the turkey if she will cook it. Buy the fixings. I will be hosting the Christmas Party on the 23rd for my family and then Christmas Dinner. We will probably have more than 34 this time. Step up and buy the ingredients or bring the big items. Yeah...just love it when someone says they'll bring the green beans or corn. Yet they have 6 people coming with them.

BrokenWing · 29/11/2018 19:58

It's a mum's pride and privilege to have all her family around for Christmas dinner

I would be even prouder when we all still get together as grown up adults and they are they are generous and aware enough to reciprocate hosting instead of just showing up to be fed..

EmpireQueen78057 · 29/11/2018 20:17

My family and I do dinners every holiday. To split the cost of sharing...we all bring a dish, a dessert and a beverage. If she can't afford to do it then she shouldn't do it the way she would like. If finances to her are an issue then she should rethink of an alternate less financial plan

MartaHallard · 01/12/2018 11:58

we all bring a dish, a dessert and a beverage

What about people who travel to see their families? I wouldn't want to be lugging desserts around with me on the train, or hitting the shops at the last minute when I arrive on Christmas Eve.

This lady is entitled to arrange things as she wants in her own home. If her family don't like it, then they are free to think of an alternate plan, instead of leaving it all to her.

Notmorewashing · 01/12/2018 16:07

Ok fess up who went on this morning about this and got the free hamper and tree !

Perfectly1mperfect · 01/12/2018 16:15

As its only for 4 adults and a toddler, then no, I thinks it's a bit much to ask for money. Bringing a side/dessert/bottle seems fair enough.

For people catering for a large number of guests where it could cost hundreds, I think sharing costs is fair.

In his position, I would just pay though. There's no point causing bad feeling over a few quid.

Notatallobvious · 01/12/2018 21:41

I see it isn't just the Daily fail that steals MN threads as "news"... the Manchester evening news on twitter has taken this thread and inserted random made up names for quotes 😂
www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/right-charge-your-family-christmas-15486584