Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

[Staceyjas]

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks

No!!!

I just can't envisage a situation where my own mum would charge for a meal, Xmas dinner or otherwise. I think it would be different if it were a group of friends, or if his mum was notably less well off than you (maybe she is?) but assuming she's not hard up, I think it's mean to charge money to your kids for their Xmas dinner, even as adults. I still go to my mums - will always take something - and will want my own children to come home for theirs. I suppose Xmas is one of those situations where you realize what a wide range of views there are. 🤷‍♀️

shirleyschmidt
My mum lives in a one-bed council flat with just a state pension. I live in a 3 bed house with hardly any mortgage and am a high rate tax payer.
I couldn’t imagine not giving my mum money for a meal.
It all depends on your circumstances.

Gamerwidow I agree in those circumstances it might be different. I did say if his mum is notably less well off than them. Otherwise no, I can't get my head around it.

I wouldn't dream of charging, but I wouldn't think twice about asking people to bring things to contribute.

This year we're having Xmas dinner with FIL, we'll provide the main food. FIL will provide the booze, and SIL and her partner will provide deserts cheese and nibbles. Spread over Christmas Eve, Christmas day and Boxing day it actually works out evenly, as we'll eat left overs on Boxing day, and I just do something simple on Christmas Eve.

I just can't envisage a situation where my own mum would charge for a meal,

Could you envisage a time when you would say let's get a big takeaway and split the cost?

Every year around Oct/Nov we decide where we will have Xmas that year. The choices were , parents. (Both 80) , Brother 1 (second floor) Brother 2 (unsuitable too small) or mine.

There are 14 of us all in. My parents household is 2. My younger brothers 4, Older Brother 3 . Ours 5.

Why should our parents or us shoulder the cost every year (in fact, understandably it's us because whilst space no problem at parents, it's just too much for them ) When brothers are both substantially wealthier than both of us. Simply because we have the space to host ? If it were in a rota between me and siblings then no - no charge. but it's not.

So I do an online shop. Send to brothers to check list/add anything they particularly want that I've forgotten. Then divide by head and multiply by household.
We do all the cooking and prep.

Everyone is very happy with this. As my brother said. .. 'would I rather do all the shopping, prep, cooking and hosting or pay £15 a head .... hmmm let me think about that for 10 seconds.. '

Lazy mare not really. We very rarely eat at my parents - it's mainly Xmas - and on the rare instance we did they would cover it. If it was a takeaway together every Monday night you'd want to share costs, but that's nothing like the OP's scenario. I'm talking about, parents hosting their kids in their home for an occasion, and then charging them. It's one thing to ask all guests to bring the food, alcohol etc, or if the parent can't actually afford to host. But in general I think parents treat their kids, if they can.

Yes I think most kids should treat their parents if they can. I’ve been treating mine since before they were born. Used to be kids couldn’t wait to repay their parents kindness now look at the world, 35 year old men getting huffy because mummy won’t pay for their turkey. Madness

Well the poor should be eating their children anyway, so the issue of splitting costs doesn't arise.

People are saying that if they could’t pay for everything, they wouldn’t invite- could you really not say to your family “Look-i’d Love to have you and cook for you, but we’re a bit skint at the moment- could we divvy up the cost”?

I honestly think it’s horrendous whether you call it “charging” or “sharing the cost”. I would have less of a problem with people bringing wine/dessert but in all honesty I wouldn’t ask them to do that either. If I’m hosting, I’m hosting. I’ll buy/cook what I can afford.

You see I don't see it as 'hosting' necessarily when it's family. It's more like, we'll all be together anyway, whose got the most suitable house in terms of size and location...right, let's go there and do the dinner together.

I've 'hosted' before. It's utterly joyless to spend hundreds of pound, cook and clean up all day by yourself...

Especially if you know there will never be a reciprocal invite. I honestly felt like I was a hired help.

My in laws piss me off for this. And my dad but he is a whole other kettle of meanness. Catering for Christmas is hugely expensive if it is done nicely. Turning up with a bottle of supermarket own brand fizz or a pre made trifle between two of you and then sitting on your ass all day is poor form.

It's crass asking for money but I suspect his mum has had enough of being treated like a dogsbody and paying for it.

SusieQ Beyond tacky. If you can't afford it, don't do it. I just hosted Thanksgiving dinner and each guest brought a dish plus I made dressing, green bean casserole, two cheesecakes and deviled eggs. Yes it was expensive but I would never have dreamed of asking anyone to pay, even if I had had it catered. (My sister brought the turkey)

So in your eyes its not tacky to ask people to bring food including the most expensive part of the meal but its tacky to try to split the cost???

I think your splitting hairs or trying to cause a fight.

🤦‍♀️

If it was a takeaway together every Monday night you'd want to share costs, but that's nothing like the OP's scenario. I'm talking about, parents hosting their kids in their home for an occasion, and then charging them.

Seems to me like a big takeaway is exactly how his mum sees it.

It is not charging - it is splitting the costs.

I am willing to bet she broached the subject a lot more subtely than OP/DP has let on.

She's probably been saying since last Christmas that she didn't want to do all the work any more, and no-one has listened.

I think it’s more odd that you and your hubby don’t have Xmas dinner together sorry

I don't think she ever said he was her 'hubby' did she?

I’d never dream of charging people... it would be a huge no no where I’m from.

However, I’ve lived in the UK and there’s definitely a culture difference in terms of money and frugality which I found very difficult to deal with, so perhaps most people wouldn’t consider it quite as rude as I would?