Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning drinking

999 replies

nottellingyou101 · 24/11/2018 15:03

I'm curious to know thoughts on this. I'm completely okay with it but interested to see what people think.

Once and sometimes twice a week at 10am I will crack open a bottle of wine and have 2 or 3 glasses over a few hours. I'll Read, catch up on some tv and other stuff and just relax and enjoy.

I do this because this is the only time I get to myself while the kids are in school and before everyone gets home around 4. I don't drink in the evening or at the weekends. Probably having around 16 units a week.

I know if I was to tell anyone this they'd think I had a problem and needed a drink first thing in the morning, but I don't.It's about 4 or 5 days before I'll have a glass of wine again since the last one.

What are you're thoughts?

OP posts:
Cressida89 · 25/11/2018 22:29

mathanxiety

Have you read any of my other posts? Just seems a bit... off to start telling random people they have a problem.

I totally own the fact that I associate wine with relaxation. Fairly normal to associate something that literally relaxes yr muscles with the act of relaxation.

On the rare occasions I go to the cinema, I buy popcorn. I therefore associate going to the cinema with having popcorn. And I might even [gasp] look forward to it.

I associate Sunday morning with a lie-in... I think you can see where this is going.

None of those associations mean I'm emotionally dependent^ on the activity. What a strange leap.

Many times I won't be able to have a Friday night drink. I might be disappointed- but so what? Nothing happens. Literally nothing.

And why is "alone" such a factor?? Who decided that enjoying a glass of wine has to be a communal activity? Am I allowed to have a Dairy Milk on my own, or dobI need a chaperone for that too?

I've said it before - alcohol is never the good choice. No one who drinks is doing it right. We all have to look out for our own limits. Friday suits me. I think I'll carry on, if it's all the same to you.

CatherineCawood · 25/11/2018 22:30

I think it's fine. What isn't fine are the people that kid themselves that they aren't alcohol dependent "because I don't pour it on my cornflakes". But they insist that drinking 4 or 5 plus bottle a week is fine because it is in the evening. They are the ones who should be concerned not the OP.

CardinalCat · 25/11/2018 23:01

I could totally understand you wanting to enjoy a glass of wine as you kick back with a film or book during your rare window of "me-time", and it just seems that your window is unfortunately 10am. However it isn't just one glass you're having (and people justifying this by references to other cultures are ignoring that those other examples tend to be of a single drink). Three glasses of wine is enough to make most people more than tipsy (and two glasses will send you on your way there) and you must surely be hitting a sluggish spacey comedown (or blood sugar crash at best) by the time your kids come home from school and need feeding/ help with homework / accompanying to sports/ music activities. I really couldn't think of anything worse than getting slightly blotto during the best part of the day just to make midsomer murders a bit racier. However, if it seems to be working for you and if your family life honestly, genuinely, isn't suffering, then crack on dear. Are you sure you aren't a bit bored or lonely though? If you're a happy loner, is that really an honest assessment if you have mrs Chablis over for elevenses three times a week? I feel a bit sad about this thread (and I am somebody who enjoys a drink and really trying hard not to judge here.)

DistanceCall · 25/11/2018 23:14

No one has the right to label someone else as an alcoholic.

Of course they do. It's call freedom of expression. It may have consequences (e.g. the person in question may stop talking to you). But you can say it.

Smallhorse · 25/11/2018 23:23

It’s absolutely fine. I’ve done it myself in the past when I didn’t have to go to work and my kids were small

Dairyqueen2 · 26/11/2018 00:02

Who on earth has time in the week to spend two days drinking wine and chilling?Who's earning the money and doing the housework? Sorry if that sounds terribly boring and conventional - I think I'm partially jealous...

merryMuppet · 26/11/2018 00:49

I think it’s less to do with the amount and when but more that there are a number of people with a lot of experience with problem drinking who have picked up on the red flags littering the OP’s subsequent posts.

There are lots of contradictions which have been picked up on and for me a big red flag was this:

"stops me feeling any grogginess in the morning if I were to have 2 or 3 in the evening."

The only people I’ve ever known to drink to perk themselves up are alcohol dependent.

The OP says the only ones to think it’s a problem are closed minded which isn’t true at all. Most have been open to the idea and have swung back and forth but it’s been the OP’s contradictory posts and language surrounding it all and the drip feed of lying to her husband and of having been quite recently drinking a lot more which has led to the advice to the OP to try to be more honest with herself and to consider she may have a problem with alcohol and to consider the impact on her children. All the alcoholics I know think they are sober a few hours later after a few glasses and that they’re just the same but they are not.

mathanxiety · 26/11/2018 01:23

Cressida -

Occasional bucket of popcorn, lying in on a Sunday, Dairy Milk bar - none involves an addictive substance. Alcohol is an addictive substance.

Depression, mood disorders and family history featuring alcoholism would be taken into account if trying to assess any kind of dependence.

mathanxiety · 26/11/2018 01:29

merryMuppet, I read that over and over along with other posts about her drinking pattern, and I think what she meant was that she avoids the grogginess by doing the drinking in the morning, plus a snooze. Not that she has a hair of the dog that bit her the previous night.

I agree that clearly the obvious thing to do is to not drink at all, but the OP is determined to keep at it even though it concerns her that the school might ring for some emergency and even though her children never see her waiting for them at the school gates.

Cressida89 · 26/11/2018 06:10

mathanxiety you are bang out of line.
Again, have you read any of the stuff I've actually said?

I totally get that alcohol is a drug. I've said it several time.

The point I'm disputing (hence my examples) is that doing something at a certain time or associating one activity with another does not automatically make either activity bad or worrying.

Can you understand that?

brookshelley · 26/11/2018 06:40

Most people have more responsibilities during the day than at night. School, businesses, government offices, banks, GP clinics etc. are all open. I cannot imagine having 3 glasses of wine in the middle of the day throughout the week knowing that I could have to do some unplanned errand or get a call from school. That's why it's more socially unacceptable.

If you said you drink 3 glasses of wine at 5 PM but your child comes home from swimming/gymnastics/whatever at 8 PM I'd also find it slightly worrying.

Delatron · 26/11/2018 07:05

Also, from a health perspective. She has two days of ‘me time’ a week. It’s still unclear why she doesn’t get chill out time on the evening.
Surely you would use this time for something other (healthier/more productive) than sinking half a bottle of wine. Sitting around drinking then snoozing just doesn’t sound healthy. Unless she’s then going out and doing exercise in the evening (unlikely).

mathanxiety · 26/11/2018 07:17

But my point was that it matters that something is addictive, Cressida, so your examples are not relevant because they are not addictive.

brookshelley · 26/11/2018 07:17

It’s still unclear why she doesn’t get chill out time on the evening.

I think she doesn't want to drink with or in front of her partner. Maybe her partner is a heavy drinker at night so she has shuffled her drinking to another time of day?

Original poster
nottellingyou101 · 26/11/2018 07:24

Had to come back because people make so many assumptions just because I haven't listed point by point everything I do.

I like a drink and I take those days to do something productive for myself. I paint

I excersise on all the other days and do lots of walking because I don't have a car.

I haven't told people everything because it might out me.

Suffice to say I am also a bad person because I don't pick my kids up at school. Well I do all the other days and I take them to school.

People make massive leaps on here.

The only time that it seems okay to drink 2 or 3 glasses of wine seems to be after 5 or when the kids are in bed.

I didn't call everyone closed minded. I called 1 person closed minded.

OP posts:
Original poster
nottellingyou101 · 26/11/2018 07:27

My partner isn't a heavy drinker. She has maybe 1 or two a week if he is not out and very little if he is most times.

Nothing to do with not drinking in front of him either. It just bloody works for me Smile More than happy to but I just don't want to drink in the evenings at any time of the week.

OP posts:
Original poster
nottellingyou101 · 26/11/2018 07:33

2 glasses of wine over a period of time plus 1 with lunch does not make me stumbling around pissed. If I necked them in an hour or so then yes it would.

Honestly.

Who here that doesn't like the idea of what I do has 2 or 3 glasses of wine in an evening at least once a week. I'd be interested to know.

Just because you have lots to do in the daytime, doesn't mean I do too and it doesn't mean I am lonely or depressed or drinking to block out some kind of emotional pain.

OP posts:
VerbeenaBeeks · 26/11/2018 07:39

Crack on then. Why ask for opinions though?

Ladymacmuff · 26/11/2018 07:42

Since you are clearly happy, don't care much what strangers on the internet think, and don't have a problem, what motivated you to ask?

Cheerbear23 · 26/11/2018 07:42

I don’t understand why you asked. If you’re fine with it carry on then.

Original poster
nottellingyou101 · 26/11/2018 07:57

Can't a person just want thoughts from others?

OP posts:
VerbeenaBeeks · 26/11/2018 07:58

Just seems bizarre to do if you're happy with your choice or weren't on some level wondering. Go right ahead then. Do what you like.

Original poster
nottellingyou101 · 26/11/2018 08:01

I was just interested to see what people thought as. I know it's strange . I didn't expect anyone to say it was okay.

OP posts:
Ballbags · 26/11/2018 08:15

You life sounds the epitome of bored housewife and thoroughly depressing to be honest. What kind of work do you do that allows you to send a few emails at 6am then spend the rest of the day doing not much else? 8 hours a day to yourself yet you still tell the kids to leave you alone for me-time. You need to get a grip on reality.

zingally · 26/11/2018 08:22

It's a bit odd, gotta say.

But what happens if your child's school phones up, and says they've been sick, and need collecting? Do you have to drive to the children's school?
And having worked in primary schools for many years, if you rock up, with even a HINT of alcohol, or inebriation around you, the school WILL notice (they're trained to do so), and you'll be on a slippy slope to social services, before you know what's happening.
Believe me, if a school see ONE thing that makes them pause, they'll start to notice all sorts of inconsequential things, that they wouldn't have batted an eye at before. Eg: a slightly stained t-shirt. Pen still on a child's arm from yesterday, child says they're hungry, a bruise on a leg. All totally normal stuff, but once a school have you in their sights...

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.