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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Morning drinking

999 replies

nottellingyou101 · 24/11/2018 15:03

I'm curious to know thoughts on this. I'm completely okay with it but interested to see what people think.

Once and sometimes twice a week at 10am I will crack open a bottle of wine and have 2 or 3 glasses over a few hours. I'll Read, catch up on some tv and other stuff and just relax and enjoy.

I do this because this is the only time I get to myself while the kids are in school and before everyone gets home around 4. I don't drink in the evening or at the weekends. Probably having around 16 units a week.

I know if I was to tell anyone this they'd think I had a problem and needed a drink first thing in the morning, but I don't.It's about 4 or 5 days before I'll have a glass of wine again since the last one.

What are you're thoughts?

OP posts:

Workreturner · 25/11/2018 17:16

Why did you change your name for this thread OP?

Cressida89 · 25/11/2018 17:17

I've thought a lot about this thread, and about my own drinking.

I agree that morning drinking is not "normal". But that's not a good enough answer because cultural norms change.

I couldn't cope with morning drinking- but that's because I need to know nothing much (barring emergencies) is going to be asked of me before I relax with a drink.

I do use alcohol to relax. Absolutely. I do look forward to it. I do keep track of how much I drink.

All of those things are apparently red flags. I'm not disputing that. I guess my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy. But I also know I can manage my relationship with alcohol. I hardly ever go over my weekly units (I might if there's a party). I cannot do hangovers so I'd never drink to real excess. I don't drink Mon-Thurs (barring birthdays etc).

What I'm saying, I think, is that I'm happily coping with a bad habit. Alcohol is never going to be a good choice. It's a drug. I've given up alcohol for extended periods (including but not limited to pregnancies) but I looked forward to a drink afterwards. I daresay if I gave up alcohol for good, I'd lust after it from time to time. That's what I'm like. I'm not doing my body loads of harm because I stay within limits. That's what those guideliness are for after all.

I think the ideal is zero alcohol. How many of the people on this thread use that as a guide?

Most of us cope with our perameters. OP's are unusual given the timings - but the automatic "you have a problem" klaxon seems hasty if it's based purely on cultural norms.

I just get tired of the ideal that's presented on these threads - the idea that all these healthy drinkers are going through life with no regard for units consumed, never using alcohol as a treat or to relax. No one is using alcohol well unless they're not drinking it at all.

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2018 17:21

Why would she need to

I think you must know the answer to this, and it's because of the implications of secret drinking. Hiding rhe fact you start drinking at ten am. No one thinks she needs to tell her partner everything she eats or drinks, but deliberately letting him think you start at noon, is just another flag.

It's like people who have eating disorders hiding their food wrappings becayse they don't want people toknow.

Stillwishihadabs · 25/11/2018 17:22

I don't (and wont) drink alone. I don't drink on school nights. Since dcs are of an age to notice I try not to have more than 2 drinks in a sitting. As I think that is an appropriate amount maximum of alcohol to drink. There is increasing evidence that the "safe amount" if there even is one is considerably less than 14 units a week. So from where I am sitting Ops drinking is far from safe or healthy

MarshaBradyo · 25/11/2018 17:22

I hardly drink but do enjoy it if in a social setting. At one point had a drink after work each day to unwind and stopped that as it felt off.

But anyway it’s not the norms that make me say what I do it’s that if I found myself doing what the op does I’d recognise it was a big problem and stop (or get help to). I couldn’t justify this at all and would hate it.

So the it’s a more personal reaction than oh not the norm.

PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2018 17:22

I think you must know the answer to this, and it's because of the implications of secret drinking.

Not mentioning it is different to hiding bottles, washing up glasses as if they hadn’t been used etc.

Original poster

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 17:23

Why did I change my name. I think that's obvious isn't it. Why do most change their name. Does changing my nam add to my problem now

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2018 17:24

Purple daisies I think you're playing with shades of grey there to be honest.

PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2018 17:26

Purple daisies I think you're playing with shades of grey there to be honest.

No, it’s completely different to actively hide something than just not mention it because it isn’t important.

SerenDippitty · 25/11/2018 17:26

OP you say you are completely okay with your drinking habit.

Imagine it’s 10am on one of your drinking days. You have just cracked open a bottle, poured a glass, taken a sip and a delivery man rings the doorbell. Would you be perfectly happy to go to the door with your glass in your hand or for him to see the open bottle on the kitchen worktop? If not why not?

Madein1995 · 25/11/2018 17:28

At the end of the day OP no one knows you in real life a d while we certainly have our opinions, shouting at you won't do any good. For a start if OP did have a problem, insisting etc will just make her dig her heels in, it would me

Again sorry if my tone was rude

But please consider just sticking to 1 glass or at weekends or when someone else is doing pick ups. It could cause problrms for your family, seriously. I've seen it happen and it's really not nice.

Original poster

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 17:29

Perfectly fine. I never go to the door with a glass anyway but probably wouldn't care. In all honesty I wouldn't want others to know purely because I know it's not the norm and would it would instantly be categorised as a problem, just like on here from a lot of people.

OP posts:

Stillwishihadabs · 25/11/2018 17:29

OP you asked me why I thought your drinking was problematic I have answeared you, has that changed your perspective at all ?

VerbeenaBeeks · 25/11/2018 17:32

Why would she need to? I don’t tell my husband everything I’ve eaten and drunk in a day.

That's not quite what I meant, and not quite comparable anyway as to meaning telling dh if you've had a doughnut or a cup of tea really, is it.
I meant why would you not tell them if you were drinking alcohol regularly in a morning? If you didn't, why would you not say? Because something at the back of your mind might be thinking that it's not the norm thing to do?
Would people really be OK with Dad being the stay at home parent and drinking several cans of lager/beer on a regular basis whilst mum was out and work and kids were at school?
If it was a SAHD posting this OP I have a feeling some of the responses would be a little bit different.

PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2018 17:36

I meant why would you not tell them if you were drinking alcohol regularly in a morning?

If the Dh worked night shifts, would she need to tell him when she’d had wine in the evening?

SerenDippitty · 25/11/2018 17:37

Not the same and I think you know it.

PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2018 17:38

But that’s the point, why is it not the same? I’m not being awkward, I don’t get what the big issue is.

It’s the same number of units but at a different time of day.

Jenwiththecurls · 25/11/2018 17:38

"I agree that morning drinking is not "normal". But that's not a good enough answer because cultural norms change."

This!

About 2-3 evenings a week I also have a couple of glasses of wine while watching TV of cooking dinner and no one has ever so much as hinted that I have a drinking problem. In fact the vast majority of my friends so the same - Mums or not.

It just so happens that most people's relaxation time is in the evening, and the OP's is in the morning.

Have to say I find the pleas from posters for the OP to 'step back' are a bit patronising. She has started a (very interesting!) debate about what is normal/ok/culturally acceptable and the debate is still continuing because there has still been no real answer to the question: WHY is is ok to wind down with a couple of glasses of wine in the evening, but not in the morning, if that's when your wind down time happens to be?

Original poster

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 17:40

The only thing that I don't like about it is having to go to school in an emergency, rare and has only happened 1x in a very long time not on one of my days.

I am thinking about having my time at a normal hour but it would mean staying up later in the evening which I don't want.

I think two glasses is enough and will be reducing it to two.

I want to paint, read and have a couple of glasses of wine. I don't care when it is, I just want it to work for me and early works because I get to go to bed.

People think I've not been listening but I have.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2018 17:41

If it was a SAHD posting this OP I have a feeling some of the responses would be a little bit different

I think most of the answers are the same to be honest, it's just a small number of posters who think it's all good to drink at ten am.

I don't know if they would think it was different if it was a stay at home dad downing a six pack from ten am, going for a sleep then getting up for the kids coming home, or if they are just good with drinking early morning full stop,

PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2018 17:43

That’s not in any way a comparable situation. The op isn’t “downing a six pack” “necking wine” or “cracking open the grog” or any more of the emotive language used on the thread. She’s drinking two or three glasses of wine, one with lunch.

SerenDippitty · 25/11/2018 17:45

The OP herself said she “cracks open a bottle”.

Original poster

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 17:49

Yes but I don't drink a bottle. It's 3 small glasses.

OP posts:

Jenwiththecurls · 25/11/2018 17:50

"Would you be perfectly happy to go to the door with your glass in your hand or for him to see the open bottle on the kitchen worktop? If not why not?"

But there's a difference between "will this behaviour make people think I have a problem, and "does this behaviour mean I actually have a problem." Evidently the answer to the first one is yes, and sometimes you want to avoid that negative impression.

Another example: I don't surf the net on my work computer outside lunch hour, because people can see my screen and I don't want people to get the impression I'm a slacker. I know I'm not a slacker, I often work overtime, and rarely surf the net at work even at lunch time. However I don't want people to think it about me, even though I know it's not true.

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2018 17:52

Three small glasses of wine op is half a bottle and five units, so max you'd be doing is between eight and ten units a week not 14-16 on average.

Purple daises, yes a six pack would be equivalent of three large glasses of wine. Which woiuld add up to thr 14-16 units over two days.

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