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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Morning drinking

999 replies

nottellingyou101 · 24/11/2018 15:03

I'm curious to know thoughts on this. I'm completely okay with it but interested to see what people think.

Once and sometimes twice a week at 10am I will crack open a bottle of wine and have 2 or 3 glasses over a few hours. I'll Read, catch up on some tv and other stuff and just relax and enjoy.

I do this because this is the only time I get to myself while the kids are in school and before everyone gets home around 4. I don't drink in the evening or at the weekends. Probably having around 16 units a week.

I know if I was to tell anyone this they'd think I had a problem and needed a drink first thing in the morning, but I don't.It's about 4 or 5 days before I'll have a glass of wine again since the last one.

What are you're thoughts?

OP posts:
nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 16:45

Workreturner The time I set aside to do nothing but have a few glasses of wine, paint, read etc. Other times I might be cleaning, working, shopping and cooking. Let's just say the day disappears and the kids are home before I know it.

OP posts:
Workreturner · 25/11/2018 16:48

Agree it’s tiresome to be met with such a refusal by the op to listen to any posts except those that encourage drinking in the morning

It confirms what most of us think. Problem

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2018 16:48

Op, honestly just step back from the thread. You don't need to defend it to strangers like this, your posts are inconsistent, you did say it was often three days a week, you also said you do it when thr kids are there and go for "me time" and tell them not to disturb you.

I'm not sure if you can't recall what you've posted, or you're just trying to downplay it, either way, step back and just think it through. I don't understand why there is so many inconsistencies in your posts, but it's that that's raising the red Flag to me.

Workreturner · 25/11/2018 16:48

Let's just say the day disappears

I don’t doubt that

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 16:50

Stillwish Why is it. Can you answer me that. If the kids walk in after school and I'm having one glass of wine while preparing dinner is that a problem? They'll pick up on me having a glass of wine whilst cooking in the evening like a lot of people do.

I know it's not normal but WHY a problem?

OP posts:
nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 16:53

Bluntness. I did say I tell them I am going to chill out and I do say do not disturb. They need to know that I am not at their beck and call ALL day and the can leave me alone for an hour or two. Whether I am having a glass of wine or not. I might just be taking a breather, replying to emails or catching up on an episode of something .

OP posts:
Cantusethatname · 25/11/2018 16:54

You don't need to justify or explain to anyone on here. No one here knows you, no one here is affected by you. What people probably are doing is thinking about drinking, alcoholism, and their own drinking. I have just googled warning signs of addiction and you are a bit of a textbook, sorry:
Lying About or Hiding Your Drinking – Denial is common with people having problems with alcohol, so both problem drinkers and alcoholics might drink secretively or lie about how much they drink to make it seem like less of an issue. This can be hard to spot for anybody but the individual, due to its very nature, but it’s an important sign of a more serious problem.
Drinking to Relax or Feel Better – Almost all people struggling with addiction abuse their substance of choice for emotional reasons. Whether it’s stress, depression, anxiety or anything else, using alcohol as a method of easing negative feelings is a risky habit—the “relief” it provides is only temporary and it ordinarily makes things worse in the long run. If you drink more when you’ve had a stressful day or need a drink to feel like you can really relax, it’s a big sign that you’re using alcohol as an emotional crutch.

I wish you all the best and hope you can be honest with yourself. You don't need to be honest on here.

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 16:55

Bluntness I don't know where the 3 days came from. I only take 2 and 1 might be because I am meeting a friend or have something on, but these days I try to keep going out to a minimum .

OP posts:
Madein1995 · 25/11/2018 16:58

Goodness OP, defensive much? If you're that sure you're right then why post in the first place?

Let's recap. Your relaxing hobby could prevent you being able to collect your kids, could cause friction between you and dh, you don't tell him the truth ( I wonder why?), You need to shoehorn it in (just accepting life is too busy for this certain activity isn't an option), it could lead to a referral to SS. Yet we're the ones who don't get it?

Drinking alone is fine. Drinking alone at 10am is highly irregular and something only people working nights tend to do. Something that would definitely raise the eyebrow of any professional involved in your child's care .

Do you want DC thinking it's normal to neck wine at 10am? At least in the evening they're in bed. Aside from the fact that evening is wind down time not mid morning, unless you are a nights worker.

Telling kids to leave you alone isnt a problem, back tracking is. First you never did it when kids were there, now it is. Which is it op? And why did you feel the need to 'omit the truth' once again?

Smelling of booze in the day IS bad. Least of all because if you need to collect child X unexpectedly and you smell of drink, the teacher or childminder is within their rights to refuse to hand the child over.

To make a wrong judgement is putting their career on the line, they err on the side of cat. I've seen it happen, mum had apparently been on a boozy lunch. She made a fuss and police were called, her poor DC must have been embarrassed. That's rare and not happened to you yet. But it could. Do you really think it's unreasonable schools expect you to stay sober during school hours? I don't.

With the I have nothing to do argument. Again, what if you had to go to school for any reason? It's common safeguarding procedure to keep children in custody of school if parent is Deemed to be intoxicated to a degree they can't be in charge of them. A judgement made of a teacher by teacher basis, who all have different thresholds. There's been enough cases in recent years of teachers missing safeguarding concerns,no HT or LA will vilify a teacher for being cautious. How do you know what could crop up in the day? Vets, drs etc.

Setting time aside, no problem. It needing shoe horning, is a problem. Look at my Emmerdale analogy. As adults sometimes you have to admit you can't do certain activities at certain times due to commitments. If you're not reliant then stop and see how you get on

And for the last time 2 glasses isbt a problem. Your thinking and attitude towards it is, and your last post shows a complete unwillingness to take telling. Your harmless hobby had pretty harmful results , relationship wise, DC wise. Needs fitting in, prevents you from collecting kids, inflexible and could cause friction

Does that sound healthy to you? As I said, you just seem not to care. I seriously hope you don't get refused DC at pick up,but at the same time it might just give you the shock you need to sort things out.

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 16:59

Can't use that name. I'm no longer trying to justify it. I'm just asking WHY? I am curious to know. Imagine this is a hypothetical question, but people are still focused on me.

I'm not using alcohol for any reason. Not depressed, no emotional pain that I know of. I just enjoy it and I enjoy the 2 days fully chilling out with wine. I Do Not Need it to relax.

OP posts:
nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 17:02

Madeim1995 I don't think I am being defensive. You've given a good reason and that's all I'm asking for. If people are saying it's wrong just because it's not normal then I don't accept that.

Okay. Let's say O don't have kids then. Is it a problem then?

OP posts:
Stillwishihadabs · 25/11/2018 17:02

Drinking 2 or 3 glasses of wine by yourself is worrying. Why would you want to ? Most people would be significantly intoxicated after that amount especially on an emptyish stomach (unless you are having it with bacon and eggs). It's binge drinking, if you stop drinking at 1 you won't be sober by 4 or 5 when your dcs get back. Modelling drinking alone is an appalling example to set. If they are teens or preteens then so much worse. I have become much more aware of the example I set since dcs are older

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2018 17:03

Op many many people have answered your question repeatedly and you can't ask us to keep going back and cut and pasting what you wrote.

Honestly, just take a step back here. For your own sake.

UmSayWhat · 25/11/2018 17:03

Ok from all your updates I don’t feel you have a problem and am a bit surprised that people are putting so much weight on the timings. I have two parents who are both functioning alcoholics. They always justify their addiction as “normal” because they wait until after 12pm to start. This allows them to delude themselves. So if you never crave a drink, have a couple of glasses here and there and don’t drive or feel drunk then I’m not sure there is a problem.

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 17:04

I wasn't backtracking. I wasn't thinking about the holidays when I typed it until someone asked.

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 25/11/2018 17:05

OP you are hiding your drinking, by starting early in the day so it’s well out of the way by the time the kids get home. And you’re not telling your partner the truth. Why don’t you do that, and gauge by his reaction whether it’s a problem or not?

Madein1995 · 25/11/2018 17:06

Not without kids the inflexibility etc Is still concerning. But in that scenario it's just you at risk or harm or upset. ATM seriously any teacher could refuse you your kids, which I'm sure would upset them

DaffydownClock · 25/11/2018 17:06

So you effectively dedicate those two three days for drinking OP?
I think you've got a bigger problem than you're admitting to on here. Add to that shutting yourself away from your children telling them to leave you alone and it really starts sounding very odd to me.

nottellingyou101 · 25/11/2018 17:10

I dedicate the days to painting and I like to have some wine whilst I paint.

Not hiding it from them at all. I used to have a few glasses in the evening and sometimes whilst cooking Sunday dinner, but I don't do that anymore and have it at the time it suits me better.

Not hiding it in anyway personally

OP posts:
gingergenius · 25/11/2018 17:11

Love drjnking is frowned upon? I'm a single parent? Am I to abstain until the kids are of drinking age to join me in a tipple? Hiow ridiculous.

Op. It's unusual and not a normal pattern but I can see your logic. If you are happy with it and it doesn't rule or ruin your life then it's nobody else's business.

VerbeenaBeeks · 25/11/2018 17:12

If you're not hiding it, have you mentioned it to DH that you're drinking a few glasses of wine in a morning from 10am whilst they're at school and he's at work?

manufan1982 · 25/11/2018 17:13

What you are doing is perfectly acceptable OP.

Is that what you want to hear? I don't mean it but if that's what you want to hear, there you go.

PurpleDaisies · 25/11/2018 17:13

If you're not hiding it, have you mentioned it to DH that you're drinking a few glasses of wine in a morning from 10am whilst they're at school and he's at work?

Why would she need to? I don’t tell my husband everything I’ve eaten and drunk in a day. Confused

Madein1995 · 25/11/2018 17:14

Also I'm sorry if I seen too harsh or horrible. I agree cries of it's not normal aren't helpful, especially when some of those posters drink a bit in the evening

Perhaps it's because I've got addiction problems. It's like a kind of antenna but at the same time it could be off and I don't know you personally. I just know all too well how easy it is to get a habit is all. Try going without for a few weeks? See how you get on? It could just be you're a bit bored and could do with other , different activities or that you think everything's fine and choose to go back to normal. It's just I know how easy it is to make ourselves a new normal, and taking a step back might help.

Stillwishihadabs · 25/11/2018 17:15

I think lone drinking isn't ideal ,no. You've no bench Mark. Using alcohol to relax is ultimately counter productive. 3 glasses is half a bottle, that's an awful lot t sink by yourself on a school night, never mind a school morning

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