Morning drinking

[nottellingyou101]

I'm curious to know thoughts on this. I'm completely okay with it but interested to see what people think.

Once and sometimes twice a week at 10am I will crack open a bottle of wine and have 2 or 3 glasses over a few hours. I'll Read, catch up on some tv and other stuff and just relax and enjoy.

I do this because this is the only time I get to myself while the kids are in school and before everyone gets home around 4. I don't drink in the evening or at the weekends. Probably having around 16 units a week.

I know if I was to tell anyone this they'd think I had a problem and needed a drink first thing in the morning, but I don't.It's about 4 or 5 days before I'll have a glass of wine again since the last one.

What are you're thoughts?

From experience, there is nothing anyone can say that will change the OP's view.
Anyone with an addiction will tell you that.
The OP is justifying her choices and she has convinced herself that she is right and that what she is doing is ok & justifiable.

Having said that, OP - I can almost guarantee that your children know, your husband knows and they will be worrying about you.

I've found this thread really interesting. I very rarely drink, perhaps 1 or 2 units every six months or so. Apart from earlier this year where I realised I was drinking a glass of wine 3 or 4 nights a week. Because I was extremely stressed. As soon as I realised I was doing it, I stopped. Not because of the recommended weekly limit (I was still under) but because I recognised the motivation wasn't quite right.

Pps have asked WHY you drink and this makes me wonder why I do at all. Wine - if it tastes nice, and my DH stays sober to cover emergencies, then I drink it. Mojito because they're delicious but I'd equally down non-alcoholic. So why do I ever bother saying yes? I don't know. So maybe I shouldn't drink at all?

In your case OP, it isn't the time of day or the being alone that raises my concern. It's the frequency on top of the previous. You do this several times a week? This bothers me. If you said you do it every 3-4 months I'd think, oh it's fine. Every week seems like a crutch.

Another thought OP.
Would it be ok for a woman (or man) to send the children off to school and head straight out to a pub or wine bar if they found it relaxing? If they spent their time there doing other thing they enjoy like reading a book or watching the big screen? If they had 3/4 glasses of wine throughout the day & left in time for the children to get home.
Different location but same thing.
Would that be ok?

I have an alcoholic uncle, OP. I recognise his 'organising time' in your posts.

You are justifying yourself all over the place (you needn't, you're not obliged) but you posed that you'd prefer to drink one glass fewer. But you seemingly can't. That's why I think you have a problem.

You obviously don't think you have an inappropriate reliance on alcohol... but then you can't, can you? You'd have to do something about it if you thought it a problem.

I haven't changed my mind, you've just cemented my disquiet about alcohol drinking, you and all the others grandstanding in your/their defence. Do what you like, why the need to validate it? Nobody else here cares what you do.

Oh - and the 'morning drinking' is a bit of a red herring, isn't it? I'd think the same of people who NEED a drink in the evening and make plans and excuses/tell lies by omission about their drinking too.

Anything that means you're hiding what you're doing really isn't healthy, whatever that activity is.

Great post @bbcessex

"stops me feeling any grogginess in the morning if I were to have 2 or 3 in the evening."

This - the only people I've ever known come out with phrases like this are functioning alcoholics.

People who have no level of alcohol dependency find alcohol makes them groggy. Only people with alcohol dependency find it makes them less groggy. It doesn't matter the hour you drink or whether you're alone or not. It suggests your body has a level of alcohol dependency which isn't healthy.

In addition to this, the sentence suggests that you do actually drink in the evenings unless you've just phrased it badly... Also it takes 6 hours for 3 glasses of wine to metabolise out of your system so you will still be under the influence of alcohol when your children get home.

I work with people with addiction issues and there are red flags littered over your posts OP. The first step is to be honest with yourself. Your posts contradict each other here which suggests you're not being entirely honest with yourself right now...

My other issue is the black and white world of MN - so little sense of nuance

This is an interesting statement, as you are the stand out poster continuously stating that it's not an issue based on what she's posted. Refusing to accept nuance until your last post. The rest of us are saying, there are nuances here, the posts are clearly inconsistent, and as such it looks like an attempt to minimise quantity whilst seeking validation for drinking wine at 10 am on a weekday.

The inconsistencies are huge. I drink 16 units one day a week. I drink 14 over two days. I only drink when I'm alone. I tell the kids not to disturb me and I drink. I'm not drinking again today, oh I was drinking again today, but it's because I suddenly remembered I had a works function to attend, that's why I'm posting a bit drunk at 1.30 am.

Then thr language. I "have" to drink at ten am because I can't get everything done if I start drinking later.

So most posters are understanding the nuances and as you your self belatedly said, she may indeed have a problem,. Alcholics will seldom admit to how much they consume. Not until they are ready to deal with it, and seeking validation in this manner, tell me it's ok I drink at 10 am, is concerning.

I don’t understand why you can’t relax and have ‘me’ time without alcohol. This is what you need to understand and address. I would love to have the free time you describe in the day and the last thing I would be thinking about would be alcohol. I am sorry to be blunt but I do think you have a problem of sorts with alcohol. If you don’t, then why not cut it out?

Bluntness

Read my posts again. I have not continually stated there's no issue!

I've suggested that we can't know - you, me, none of us.

I find the "You have a problem" posts ridiculous precisely because of their certainty.

Are you one of the ones who thinks there's a magical line between "healthy drinking" and "problem drinking"?

All drinking of alcohol is potentially problematic. Find me a good, positive reason for choosing the alcoholic version over the non-alcoholic option and you might have a point.

Pointing out inconsistencies in OP's posts and using those to come up with a categorical diagnosis of alcoholism isn't nuanced thinking Bluntness !

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/bigthink.com/america-2018-drunk-all-day-2605017135.amp.html

This is interesting! Been following thread with mixed views on it all. I have been known to drink in the day time - usually on holiday, usually with a meal, and never alone or mid week.

You are breaking the traditional norms - is it a problem? If you aren't putting anyone at risk in any way? Debatable when in sole charge of kids - how much is too much etc etc. Give it up today for a month and find out if you can.

Pointing out inconsistencies in OP's posts and using those to come up with a categorical diagnosis of alcoholism isn't nuanced thinking Bluntness

I would agree with this, however I don't think many, if any, one has said she's categorically an alcoholic. What has been said is that there could likely be a problem here,

Let's boil it down, exc holidays, night shift workers, who sits and drinks at ten am regularly and sleeps it off before the kids come home? And thinks it's ok? Just breaking a timing norm?

And the inconsistencies are a red flag. I think it's fairly obvious the op is drinking more than she says she is, last nights sudden works function, which was remembered at some point after five pm, is a case in point. It looks like it's simply a way to justified why she was drinking last night into the wee small hours.

"I do think you have a problem of sorts with alcohol. If you don’t, then why not cut it out?"

Eh? Strange conclusion. I like a drink on Friday and Saturday evening. I'm not going to cut it out because I like it. That doesn't mean I have a problem, does it?

Well I was going to come in and say there’s nothing wrong with daytime drinking. But I don’t think that holds in this case.

I only really drink in the day. I find if I drink after 6pm I sleep badly and feel awful the next day. We have glasses with measures on (they are old, I think I had them at uni) and I drink 1 or 2 125ml glasses maybe once a week or once a couple of weeks.

I care not if people think me drinking 125ml at 10am once a fortnight is a problem because I know it isn’t.

However, you are drinking more than half a bottle if I’ve read this right? And multiple times a week? That’s not great.

To be honest I think anyone who is drinking that much, that regularly at any time of day is on the verge of a problem.

My perception of alcoholism is not just the total quantity of drink. It’s also whether it interrupts normal daily life. I guess there’s the ‘poison’ aspect and the ‘obsession’ aspect. Both are bad.

OP I have not changed my mind - I think drinking alone in the morning is odd, and not a good idea at all.

I think there's a difference between having a prosecco at lunch with a friend, and drinking wine at 10am and then sleeping it off before the kids come home from school.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a large glass of wine up to have in the bath - but if that bath was at 10am - then I think you'd have a problem.

I think drinking 4 pints of water on a night out sounds strange and excessive. Also, I think you are highly controlling about the amount you drink - so you think as long as you're not falling down the stairs drunk at parties, you're not an alcoholic. But tightly controlling your units as you do, shows you have some sort of issue with alcohol - it's not a healthy thing to slug wine on own at 10am and then say 'well at least I'm not falling down the stairs at parties".

From what you have written here, I think you have a problem with alcohol - shutting yourself away from your kids in the school holidays, so you can have "my time" with a bottle of wine, is not ok. Regular drinking in the morning, no matter how you justify to itself, or control your units, is not really ok, is it? I think you know that, and that's why you asked.

Try and stop for 3 months. That should give you your answer.

PaulHollywood - thank you.

Unfortunately I had an alcoholic father so speak from experience.. Would never inflict the same on my own children.

My uncle never was a falling-down drunk either. Regular alcohol consumption builds a tolerance for it. Levels that would floor anybody else, would be taken in his stride. That's why it's not any sort of useful indicator.

There's a thread on relationships at the moment from an op who is the adult child of an alcoholic.

Ime of addiction it is the baffling justification that is a killer. The 'surely this is fine, what's the problem'. But with an underlying sense of unease that something isn't quite right... but not sure what it is because the rationalisations completely stack up.

In a way you can't quite get hold of an addiction. It's like an optical illusion, so hard to pin down. When I finally realised I had a problem - after years and years of justifications and accompanying baffling unease - I was AMAZED I hadn't seen it before. It was so bloody obvious.

I think I see that in you op.

Why not go to an AA meeting? Hoards and hoards go, no-one would bat an eyelid. Listen to what they talk about.

OP, I'm not a medical professional and even they wouldn't diagnose off a few posts online.
So, I'll take a different tack. My husband has been sober for 3.5 years, drink was his way of coping with depression until it wasn't.

He drank while I was at home as he had "gardening leave", I thought he was a bit too clingy when I got home, but put it down to him being lonely. Never saw the bottles, they went before I got home.

We'd go out for dinner, he'd hardly touch a drop.
He didn't need to. If he had, he'd have been drunk off half a pint as his base level was already so high.

When the crash came, it was bad. Horrible. Without the alcohol, all the stuff hidden underneath came out. It has been very hard on his teenage kids and me, must be even worse on him.

With therapy, medication and a weekly self-help group he's getting stronger and finding better coping methods than alcohol. AA wasn't for him (higher power thing), they are not the only group out there though.
Our lives have changed dramatically. We've lost much of our social life, but also know who we count on as they've stuck with us.
It is still worth it. He is still worth it.

We keep no alcohol at home and I also did a harm reduction course to make sure that my own alcohol choices are smarter ones, I'd recommend those (online or in person) to anyone concerned about their drinking as it can really help you decide if there's a problem or not yet and what steps you can take either to prevent, reduce risk or choose to stop entirely.
In the U.K., check out Drinkaware.
Good luck.

Argh.
He drank while he was at home during "gardening leave" and I was at work.

I love a breakfast beer

I agree with some of the posts here that you may have a problem with alcohol Op. I like a drink but I wouldn’t even fancy one in the morning. It sounds like you might be a bit bored or lonely? I like to do crafts and paint but I couldn’t do it if I’d had any alcohol. Both my parents were alcoholics, both drank as soon as they woke, it’s an alcoholic trait. It’s the lone, morning drinking that’s odd Op and you do know that and it’s difficult to justify. I also notice you write that you snooze 2-3? That is a little odd as well? It is up to you Op, but I’d be a bit worried.

Whoever commented on my previous post about amount of units.. that is really a red herring. The issue that makes me feel (and I say this as someone who was in a relationship with an alcoholic, not as any sort of expert) that the OP is kidding herself is that she is regularly drinking at 10am, 2 or 3 glasses of wine, and then giving herself time to try and sober up before the kids come home. Pretending to her husband she drinks later on in the day. But the biggest flag is the concrete belief that it's all fine and she's fine with it.
Yes, my opinion is skewed because of my personal history, I hate people drinking at 7am just because they happen to be at an airport. I hate wine o'clock. I hate fizz and candles in the bath because mummy deserves it. I hate ah it's ok Ant, you seem like a nice guy off of the telly so what's a drunk driving conviction between friends.
But I stand by my original point. OP you are kidding yourself.

I don't see anything wrong with it, what difference does it make if it's at night or morning. As long as your not steaming! X