Morning drinking

[nottellingyou101]

I'm curious to know thoughts on this. I'm completely okay with it but interested to see what people think.

Once and sometimes twice a week at 10am I will crack open a bottle of wine and have 2 or 3 glasses over a few hours. I'll Read, catch up on some tv and other stuff and just relax and enjoy.

I do this because this is the only time I get to myself while the kids are in school and before everyone gets home around 4. I don't drink in the evening or at the weekends. Probably having around 16 units a week.

I know if I was to tell anyone this they'd think I had a problem and needed a drink first thing in the morning, but I don't.It's about 4 or 5 days before I'll have a glass of wine again since the last one.

What are you're thoughts?

It seems like quite a lot, to be honest, and I’m not entirely sure it wouldn’t seem like quite a lot at 6pm either. My mum never binge drank but usually had a few glasses of wine in the evening and seeing her a bit tipsy so regularly made me uncomfortable as a kid, plus I was always that child who had to get lifts off other people’s parents because mine had had a drink.

The thing about ‘what’s the difference between drinking at 10am and 7pm?’ is that there is obviously a difference in when and what and where we drink in terms of determining whether or not our drinking is problematic. Drinking a couple of glasses of wine is ok; drinking a can of Special Brew has worrying connotations, even if volume of units is the same. Drinking in a pub is fine; drinking at a bus stop is not. A night shift worker having a drink before bed at 8am makes sense in a way that a day worker getting up and having a drink with breakfast isn’t.

I’m an early riser and I love the chance of an afternoon nap. That’s different to drinking in the morning and sleeping it off before the kids get home.

An early drink at a wedding or on holiday or at Christmas is one thing but it doesn’t legitimise drinking every morning.

Problem drinkers often stop for days/weeks at a time and ‘prove’ they aren’t alcoholics because they can stop any time they like. Except that the stopping happens less and less over time until they can’t. Problem drinkers might well take pride in staying sober around other people drinking so they can prove to themselves that they are in control, they don’t have a problem, look at these other people getting drunk and falling over so it must just be a judgemental society saying what they’re doing is ok but the way I drink isn’t...

OP, you sound really in denial. Your drinking patterns sound troubling. You sound extremely similar to other alcoholics who have posted in the past with similar stories.

TBH OP this has been an interesting thread to read. I drink very very little. Admittedly I have a few issues regarding drinking as my mum has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and I have very difficult memories of her being pissed and out of control when I needed a sober parent.

You can't escape the fact that ingrained social norms in the UK make it highly unusual for a person with a healthy relationship with alcohol to drink in the way that you do. It is only unusual though- not impossible......

If there is no more to the story, and if you are genuinely in a position to have those days totally for yourself to relax and do whatever you want then maybe it is ok to drink like you do.

It feels a bit like me on the occasional day when I'm off work when I wave kids off to school and then don't get dressed, watch bad TV, eat junk food, allow the dog on the sofa. All stuff that feels good and is about indulging myself. I often feel guilty though, stuffing my face with junk and not getting anything productive done!

Also I have been to numerous places in Europe where people sit at cafes in the morning with a glass of alcohol watching the world go by. Maybe you should move!

I'm someone who's changed their mind as the thread has progressed, mainly because the OP feels the need to drink when the children are at home during the school holidays. She finds ways to make it happen, that's not having a drink while you're relaxing.

If the OP is positive the DC don't understand, then they must be quite young, regular secret drinking whilst solely in charge of children is not quite what was described originally.

Op,, honestly your posts are a bit all over the place. As said, you start by saying you do it once per week, sometimes twice, then you move it to always twice, maybe three times if you've a party, but then you tell us sometimes if the kids are home you go off for "me time" where they can't disturb you and you drink, you state it was 4pm sat and you'd not be drinking again today, then came on in the wee small hours, after drinking and explained you'd been drinking because you went to a work party you forgot all about.

You tell us you had your normal 2-3 glasses (3 bottles between 4) but drunk an enormous four pints of water with it, and I suspect you were inebriated when you posted. The point is you're at pains to tell us how little you drink but it simply feels like you're trying to minimise. Your wording is odd, you tell us you "have" to start drinking at ten to get everything done, your painting, your reading and your sleeping before the kids come home.

I think the consensus is that it is odd behaviour to start drinking at 10 am, but if you only drink a bottle and a half of wine a week, then it's fine, just odd. If you're drinking a lot more than that, then you have a problem.

People can only respond on what you post. As said, only you know the truth of the matter. My concern is you drink a lot more than you're willing to admit to and you're attempting to get people to validate it, which some are, because they are basing it on your minimal consumption.

Apologies if this has already been addressed as I haven't read the thread in its entirety but in your OP you state that you drink only in the morning and only once or twice a week. Yet in those one or two sessions you're getting through up to 16 units. That's a worryingly huge binge twice a week!

And agree with super, you start off by telling us that you do it predominantly once a week, and you have approx 16 units, that's over a bottle and a half in a day, but then it moves to it's always twice a week but 14 units, so three quarters of a bottle a day. You start off telling us the kids come home at four, then move it to 5/6. You tell us you only do it whilst relaxing on your own, but then tell us you also do it when the kids are home and tell them not to disturb you.

It's just all hugely disconnected and appears like an attempt to minimise quantity.

Op,, honestly your posts are a bit all over the place. As said, you start by saying you do it once per week, sometimes twice, then you move it to always twice, maybe three times if you've a party, but then you tell us sometimes if the kids are home you go off for "me time" where they can't disturb you and you drink, you state it was 4pm sat and you'd not be drinking again today, then came on in the wee small hours, after drinking and explained you'd been drinking because you went to a work party you forgot all about

Yes, absolutely this.

From the outset this thread was an attempt to rationalise problem drinking, and I'm surprised that so many people can't see that.

This might be waaaay out of the ballpark op but...do you feel the wine makes you paint better?

I’ve heard of artist/writers falling into the traps of day drinking when they feel it loosens them up enough to be more artistic. But then they still drink in the evenings etc. and it steadily creeps up.

Tell your dp it’s actually 10am when you start drinking, see what he says. Wine smells strongly too, so I do think people will smell it, including your kids, even if you eat and have a sleep.
It’s not the same but it reminds me of my poor alcoholic aunt (now deceased) she was so desperate not to be seen to be drinking at parties etc she’d make 1 glass last the night, drink a ton of soft drinks & water but comment on what everyone else was having. She would go home and get smashed on the wine later on her own with no one around to comment, or get up in the middle of the night to drink on her own whilst everyone was asleep. Yes she minimised it too.

Mamaryllis my alcoholic friend would do the same. Drink alone for most of the day. Then when other people around her were having the odd glass of wine she’d sober up and drink a cup of tea. Therefore she clearly didn’t have a problem. Only she did.

There are so many other things to do in the day; go for a walk, to the shops, go to the gym, stuff around the house. It would ruin my day if I drank at 10am. If I bumped in to a friend who has been drinking in the day alone then I would think they had an issue.

Why don’t you get any down time in the evening OP?

'but then you tell us sometimes if the kids are home you go off for "me time" where they can't disturb you and you drink, you state it was 4pm sat and you'd not be drinking again today, then came on in the wee small hours, after drinking and explained you'd been drinking because you went to a work party you forgot all about.'

Exactly, its all very unconvincing. Its not ok to tell the DC not to disturb you when you drink.

People asking why evening drinking is ok, it's like many pp have said you don't have to stay alert and active in the evening?

Drinking from 10am at best makes you sluggish and will of course affect how you interact with your poor dd when they come in from school.

I would seek help to change this habit if I were you.

Agree with those saying it's different in the evenings due to being on wind down . Plus you've not had many calories in the morning so I'd feel hammered after just a glass at that time. If we ever go for a pub lunch on my day off and I have two glasses of wine it'll take a good couple of hours and lots of coffee to feel sober again - and to function normally which isn't such an issue if you drink late in the evening when kids are in bed and al you need to be responsible for is getting yourself to bed

Partner knows. Honestly not about the 10/11 am thing but thinks I have my first glass around 12. Had no reason to mention it, everything is the same whether 2 hours earlier or later.

This speaks volumes to me. It really does. If you genuinely believed there was nothing wrong with your drinking patters you would be completely upfront with your partner about it.

'From the outset this thread was an attempt to rationalise problem drinking, and I'm surprised that so many people can't see that.'

Yes lots of naive people who think someone who starts drinking at 10am is really telling the truth about how much they actually drink.

The op just wanted permission to continue.

I would go so far as to say anyone who regularly drinks more than a glass of wine (barring social occasions) with an evening meal has a problem, but they probably already know that.

I can understand it. Everyone's sleep/work/social times can differ.

A silly example was when my brother worked nights as a student. He would think nothing of eating a Sunday lunch at 6am,as I was making breakfast.

If thats your time when you can only relax, chill. Then each to there own.

But is it the only time the OP can chill?

What about when the kids are in bed rather than in the day when they’ll be around later.
What about a Saturday evening? Friday evening? OP isn’t a shift worker. She’s justifying drinking at 10am then still obviously goes out and socialises because she was at a party last night.

This thread is becoming circular, yes night workers sometimes drink in the mornings as it is their evening. That is not what the OP is doing, she is not a night worker. She is getting up, getting the kids off, doing a few jobs then cracking into the wine, going to bed for the afternoon and getting up when the dc come home. It's not normal and it's not ok IMO. 2-3 glasses is 4-6 units, for me with secondary school age dc, that's a Saturday night amount to drink (I wouldn't drink that much if I had to work the following morning). Why is the OP drinking like it's Saturday night on a Tuesday morning ?

It's difficult to say anything moderate on this thread without being accused of "minimising". Unless you're confidently stating that OP has a problem, somehow you're a cheerleader.

The thing is- OP might have a problem. We don't know. What she's asking is whether we automatically perceive drinking "out of hours" as odd.

I find all the amateur detective stuff a bit pathetic - ooh, she's probably that poster who used to drink in the park. And suddenly everyone was "the first poster on that thread" to spot the problem. It's embarrassing to read.

The fact is you can't tell if someone has an alcohol problem on line. No matter how clever you think you are.

My other issue is the black and white world of MN - so little sense of nuance. Let's be honest, no one drinks alcohol for really good soul-affirming reasons. It's a drug. We're all better off without it, not just OP. But on MN there's this mythical line - one side is "healthy, MN-approved drinking"; the other is "you have a problem". The trouble is that's totally made-up bullshit!

I think I'd be better off without alcohol. It's not exactly a healthy choice. I do check I'm not going over the limits. I do look forward to a glass of wine on a Friday. I do have a blanket rule of no alcohol Mon-Thurs. To some, that makes me an alcoholic. But my body doesn't know that, and it processes the alcohol in exactly the same way as it would if I were one of those mythical Mnetters who don't lool forward to it, could take it or leave it and yet still mysteriously do drink.

As pp have said, there are other cultural norms. Ours are not the gold standard.

I do wonder sometimes if there are genuinely swathes of women round the country who expect to have a "healthy relationship" with every aspect of their lives. Any deviation is an emergency. My life isn't that perfect, I'm afraid. I muddle through, as do most people I know.

Drinking early morning? Alcoholism.

Problem drinking is a whole gamut of behaviour
The main question is
Do you have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol?
Doesn’t matter if you’re not falling down drunk/need a drink to get through the day/ pissed in the bus stop or holding down a CEO post
Is your relationship with alcohol dysfunctional?

OP, you haven’t REALLY said why you don’t drink of an evening instead? You implied you were too busy, do you go out in the evening? Or are you busy doing housework that you could have got done during the day had you not been having your me/wine time and snooze? Or is it because you know your OH/your kids would comment on the amount you were drinking?

This thread is fascinating as I keep changing my mind between thinking there’s not much wrong with it, it’s just a different way of doing things, and thinking that it sounds like someone with a drink problem or at least the start of one.

The numbers don’t seem to add up either, with the units and the numbers of glasses/times a week.

I think on the whole, it’s an unhealthy way to go about things.

People pointing out that they’ve seen people sitting in cafes having an alcoholic drink in Spain at 10am etc. Have you not maybe thought that it might not be representative of their populace as a whole?You can’t just assume that what you see as an observer and an outsider is the norm for a whole culture. People working in bars and hotels in boozy Greek holiday towns may or may not assume that ALL British people get legless regularly, snog 5 blokes, flash their tits/arse, then puke in the gutter. Assumptions or not, us British DON’T all behave like that, even on holiday when we tend to let our hair down more than usual.

*People pointing out that they’ve seen people sitting in cafes having an alcoholic drink in Spain at 10am etc. Have you not maybe thought that it might not be representative of their populace as a whole?

Yes, I’ve seen people drinking in Wetherspoons at 10am in the morning on a weekday when we’ve gone past. I consider those people outliers, not representative of most people.

Morning OP

Glad you came back and posted.

If I’m honest; you don’t sound very happy. You talk a lot about wanting ‘alone time / my time / me time’ - absolutely natural, especially with young children - and yet from what you’ve said about your days,, it seems like you have tonnes more than most parents so to crave more seems to indicate dissatisfaction with your life at present.

Your drinking is odd and worrying. Whatever anyone on this thread says - regular daytime drinking with young children coming home is not right. They do not get to experience their ‘real mum’ when they come home. They get the wine version.

I drink LOADS. Way too much. I love wine & prosecco. I ‘m not stopping, I am not a Puritan - the only thing that in any way worries me is the calorie content so I am not judging drinking in any way.

but I am resolutely saying your DC will remember ‘mums drinking’ , ‘mums exclusion zone’, ‘mums inability to take us anywhere in the evening’ when they reflect on their childhood if you don’t address it.

I've questioned myself whether it is okay or not but people haven't come on here and said 100% No.

No, just the vast majority. So that’s ok.