To expect young teenagers to have a key to their own house?

[sunintheeast]

I really don't get this. My partner has two teenage (13 and 14) daughters. We have them a lot they are great kids although I really do think they are intimidated by their mum who goes off on one frequently for no reason (IMO) - their mum doesn't trust them to have their own house key and insists on them either going to friends or on many occasions - hanging around in the car with their dad until she is back from work or wherever and she is back to let them in. It was understandable when they were younger but now it is winter again - traffic is sometimes bad, she gets stuck or delayed and DH and the poor kids often spend hours just hanging around waiting - it seems ridiculous to me. We live nearly an hour away so if they are between sports activities they are not even allowed to go home and he has to take them to the local sports centre to shower etc. They all get really fed up. One day recently the after school arrangement fell through and DSS had to sit in a café until DH could get away from work. DH has tried talking reasonably - she just doesn't want them to have access to the house, particularly when it is his time with them. For background she has never had an issue with him dropping the kids off. My own children had keys from the age of secondary school. She is very controlling I think or is it just me... AIBU???

You should be grateful they aren't allowed their phones when with you or they might be providing a derogatory running commentary for their DM all the time they are with you or looking for her to intervene on their behalf over every minor disagreement.

Mine didn't even have phones at 12 and 14 to prevent them getting into the habit of having me on call.

I am not convinced you are any more flexible than their DM as you seem hyper critical of her way of doing things and overly willing to accept their Dad and their gripes.

Yep. I expect it is their mum "putting their children first" by wanting their dad to have them and be properly responsible for them when its his contact time!

We have DSS 5 weekends out of 6 and half of the holidays, spend a lot of time with them so I feel I am entitled to have a view when they rock up in tears - but sure she is just "misunderstood". She used to lock her older teenager out of the house when they had a row - girls saw all of that and it really influenced them in terms of how they avoid the conflict- older one moved in with friends eventually - but I am sure she has her reasons and I am just being over-critical.