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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Popular’ (mean) people from school working in salons...

383 replies

Stubbornuincorn · 22/11/2018 19:52

Not really an AIBU more of a wondering if this happens to anyone else!

I’ve returned to where I grew up and went to school, and I keep finding that the people working in spas/hair salons etc are annoyingly often the ‘popular’ girls that were horrible to me when we were at school.

Recent examples are having to have my hair washed by a girl that used to make fun of me during P.E (literally dreaded PE because of it) and having a sodding full body massage from a really chavvy girl who used to really intimidate me. Even though I’m an adult now I find it really uncomfortable!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 22/11/2018 22:36

moving away doesn't always equal 'exciting, vibrant life,' and staying in your home town doesn't always equal 'backward and stunted.'
Agreed.
Sending email responses along the lines of ''karma's a bitch'' when somebody (even the person who bullied you) tells you that their child is being bullied is sad though
This. Who seriously feels a tiny bit vindicated that an innocent child who wasn't even thought of decades earlier is doing the punishment for their parent's school day actions. It's a bit much really.

WinterfellWench
I think it's normal to have a fleeting childish moment of 'haha how life works out, you were so horrible to me for not using sunbeds and studying but now I've seen you looking prematurely aged I'm sort of amused/I'm doing better in some respects'. Anyone who tries to deny they've ever thought it are probably fibbing (a bit like MN folk who'll claim they totally would let their 10 year old play out in a suspended set because it's not sexualized at all WinkSmile) But actually taking time out your day to point score or win some battle only you care about is quite petty and really ridiculous from adults.

MadeleineMaxwell · 22/11/2018 22:37

Well i think it is dickish to look down on people for being on a low income, or overweight the same as i think it is dickish to think racist things about people. Even if those things never make it out of your mouth, it still makes you a shitty person tbh and people are kidding themselves if they think supercilious attitudes like that never manifest in their words or actions.

Well, fair enough. But an internal reaction or feeling categorically does not equal a concerted, sustained course of physical and/or verbal abuse, does it? Which is what the original assertion was.

Being bullied and feeling bitter does not make you a bully.

Jeanclaudejackety · 22/11/2018 22:38

One of my good friends has a salon. She earns about 70k a year. No student debt. I'm sure plenty of people on here who think having any thing less than a masters is failing at life would look at her and think oh look at that vapid thicko, slim, nice hair and nails, fashionable clothes, hairdresser. But she's very happy, no debts, loves her job.

Frustratedmum78 · 22/11/2018 22:40

Wow, some of the posters who were bullied as kids have grown into bullies themselves. What a horribly snobby thread.

Jeanclaudejackety · 22/11/2018 22:43

Also my home town (well suburb of major city) is somewhere people move to in great numbers as its become trendy, top 5 Local education authority in the country, massive industries moving here. Why would I leave? Not everyone is born in a tiny backward town in the middle of no where. If someone's born and raised in I don't know, Fulham, or somewhere desirable, are they a loser for buying a house down the road from their childhood home.

Also, shock horror some people have family they actually like and - gasp- friends they want to spend time with a like also. An unusual concept on MN

LJdorothy · 22/11/2018 22:44

I bet that woman being laughed at as she tried to get out of the vets with her cat felt bullied. I expect the woman who had tried to apologise and who had bared her soul about her child being bullied felt utterly distraught after that cruel email. And adults don't have the excuse that they are forming new neural synapses.

anothernameagain000 · 22/11/2018 22:49

@mycat - erm if you aren’t friends with them - how on earth do you know that they hate it? Or do you also have friends who do that type of work and look down on them too?

SilentIsla · 22/11/2018 22:50

sugarsnow

To be honest when I read threads like this I just think no wonder you were bullied at school confused

Oh dear what an unpleasant thought you have given voice to.

TheMagician · 22/11/2018 22:50

@glasshalffull99 honest and wise Brew I am not a person who believes that people don't change. I have changed a lot since school. So much. I can't understand how anybody can go through their 20s, 30s, in my case, 40s and NOT CHANGE!

SilentIsla · 22/11/2018 22:53

Re the OP: that’s what is called karma.

mycatplotsdeath · 22/11/2018 22:55

I couldn't tell you what my bully does for a living.
The three friends of mine that are lovely and work in salons hate it!
Lots of people bullies or not hate their jobs for varied reasons

StressedD · 22/11/2018 22:56

Sorry, but, I could never accept any apology from those who bullied me at school. Simply because no apology could ever undo to physical damage they did.
In the same vein I can't forgive those who bullied me in a previous job, knocking my self confidence to zero, and contributing to my complete lack of trust in anyone.
But sure, If I ever snapped and had a go at them if they asked me if I remembered them on meeting them again, I'm the bad person to some people on this thread.

Frequency · 22/11/2018 23:00

Why is working in a salon/spa bad karma?

One of the salons I recently applied to pays £10 p/h, plus tips, plus freebies, plus commission, plus free CPD courses inc free travel and accommodation, with the chance to train up to head stylist on 35k p/a plus all the extras.

A second one pays £9p/h, plus tips, plus commission, plus free CPD inc travel and accommodation plus £100 of free treatments each month and a six monthly clothing/uniform allowance of £500 (paid in vouchers for River Island or Next)

A third one offers free Olaplex and stocks Olaplex 4 and 5 which they sell at 50% staff discount (this got me so excited I forgot how much they pay. I only remember half price Olaplex)

If that's karma I want me some. Who do I have say mean things to get some?

MadeleineMaxwell · 22/11/2018 23:01

I bet that woman being laughed at as she tried to get out of the vets with her cat felt bullied. I expect the woman who had tried to apologise and who had bared her soul about her child being bullied felt utterly distraught after that cruel email.

They might have felt bullied, but they weren't bullied. Bullying is not one single acrimonious interaction. It takes place over time, is done by someone with more power than the victim and causes intentional harm. It's not a single instance, it's not one argument, it's not one insult, it's not dislike.

pigeondujour · 22/11/2018 23:02

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hamblehumpty · 22/11/2018 23:03

TrippingTheVelvet Thu 22-Nov-18 20:10:16
Yes all the populars at my old school either had kids young and are SAHMs or do shop/care work.

Wow - how derogatory could you be??

I was a popular girl at school - because I generally kind, never a bully, part of a large group who would never be nasty to people - absolutely disgusting you equate 'populars' with SAHM's or shop/care workers???

ExFury · 22/11/2018 23:03

I encountered the two bullies who made my (and several others) life hell through high school. I was injured to the point of needing a plate in my jaw and three weeks in hospital because of them.

The one who saw me, went pale, and very quietly said she was sorry for the bitch she’d been at high school I am now on nodding terms with in the supermarket and the school gates.

The one who was all “OMG I remembered you from school!! We were such a fun group” who tried to pretend she’d forgotten the day she broke my jaw and my wrist did get told (in a non shouty way) how much damage she did and I requested to see someone else (she’s a nurse who at one of the clinics I go to regularly). The fact she huffed and puffed then that night posted a FB status about people hanging onto the past says all I need to know about her.

Sometimes people deserve to be reminded of what they did.

OrangeJellySpread · 22/11/2018 23:11

I was never bullied, but my DH suffered from bullying and it scarred him. If I ever bump into any of his bullies, I'd make sure they know what a good life DH has now, that their bullying hadn't stopped him from having a much better life than they could ever wish for.

Bullying is vile and there is absolutely no excuse for it.

GreenTulips · 22/11/2018 23:12

Wow, some of the posters who were bullied as kids have grown into bullies themselves

There's an a hige difference between daily mental and physical torcher and a fleeting 'ha' moment is passing.

They are not the same thing

MissMarplesKnitting · 22/11/2018 23:12

Some of you on here don't know what bullying is.

It's not one off comments. It's not schadenfreude.

Bullying is sustained, deliberate and ruins lives.

A one off snarky comment, not bullying.

I've don't it to one of my school bullies who was a real bitch. Chip on shoulder, vile to lots of people. She was prattling on FB about how she was a straight A student at school. I merely pointed out that in set 3 max (she certainly wasn't in set 1 with me and I did get straight A/A*) that blatantly wasn't true, and that lying on ones CV would potentially lead to a lot of trouble.

She blocked me. I felt very vindicated. Years to get the upper hand, just once.

pigeondujour · 22/11/2018 23:15

Why have so many people got these 'bullies' on Facebook?!

PawneeParksDept · 22/11/2018 23:16

I've found this

The worst was having my hair done by the sister of a guy who tormented me in school and having to pass pleasantries

mycatplotsdeath · 22/11/2018 23:16

I didn't accept a friend request from mine

LittleScottieDog · 22/11/2018 23:18

I was bullied all through secondary school. I still remember names, places and exactly what was said by various people during my years there. I suffer depression as a result and have tried different forms of counselling. I will never forget what happened to me, it was a major part of turning me into the introverted, low-confidence, unhappy person who struggles to make friends that I am today.

I've no idea what my bullies are doing now, couldn't care less. I know that were I ever to meet any of them again I would probably smile and mumble some peasantry, wishing I was brave enough to say something. Because as lovely as it might be for them that they've "forgiven themselves", their words and actions are things that have irreversibly changed me. I feel if I met them again I'd deserve an apology. Perhaps then I could start to move on.

To be honest though, I think most bullies have probably forgotten all about what they did by now, about 20 years later. I'm sure they don't lose any sleep over how horrible they were, unlike me.

But as for where they live or what they do? I really don't care. I know people who weren't bullied end up in all areas of life, that's life.

But forgive and forget what they did? Believe me, I've tried but I can't.

PawneeParksDept · 22/11/2018 23:20

Aside from school bullies

I was at university with MANY people who are now teachers

Some of course absolutely suited to the job

Several, if confronted with the idea they were to teach my child I'd consider homeschool