Am I right to be really angry about this?

[6onTheHappyFarm]

12 wks pregnant after a MMC in March. Have been waiting very apprehensively until the 12 wk scan which happened yesterday, and everything looks really good!

Went round to tell PIL who we get on with very well. They were very happy and asked when we were going to tell BIL and SIL. They have recently had a baby, so we didn't want to go barging in unannounced at 9pm at night, DH said he'd ring his brother and let him know later that night, but DH fell asleep on the sofa and it didn't happen.

This morning DH said he still hadn't told them so i sent a text to the family chat with the scan photo. They were really happy, lots of excited replied etc.

Then tonight I was using DHs phone and his mum had sent a message last night saying "I told BIL, I didn't want him finding out from anyone else." My DH has written back "okay, well they'll have to pretend that they don't know, 6onthehappyfarm will be raging".

I am raging.

Why did she have to tell them?

They were never going to find out through the grapevine in between 9.45 last night and 9am (when I "told them" this morning). Hardly anyone knows, and no one knows that would be in direct contact with them.

All the happy surprised replies this morning just seem so put on. I don't know why she had to do that.

AIBU?

Well, this wouldn't bother me personally, but I guess if it bothers you, it bothers you.
What difference does it make who tells whom what?

YANBU to be annoyed with MIL but ywbu to be annoyed with BIL - they didn’t ask to be told, and they were trying to be nice.

Either way it’s not worth a stress - just let it go and enjoy your lovely news

I doubt any of them really cared when they find out. It's your special event, not theirs.

YANBU to be disappointed that your news has been told by somebody else when this is clearly a much anticipated pregnancy for you.

Go easy on your MIL though, it may well be she’s got carried away with the excitement and wasn’t thinking things through. Also please don’t think your BIL and SIL’s reactions were false, they most likely are delighted for you.

I’d just be a bit wary of MIL when it comes to announcing the birth! Maybe have a quiet word with her that you’d really appreciate it if she left all the big announcements to you and DH from now on.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

My MIL did the exact same to us, we told her when we found out we were pregnant and the next day my SIL knew and was congratulating us. Really peed me of as I didn't want anyone else to know until we had the scan! Luckily everything was fine, but we don't tell MIL or FIL anything until everyone else knows now, and when we get pregnant again (hopefully) next year I won't be telling them till last and AFTER the scan... I feel your pain OP

I'd tell DH he's a CF also for trying to hide it from you!!!

Do you think they're not happy for you because they heard it from mil?

I’d be annoyed too but try not to let it bother you

You know it really really doesn't matter?

Definitely not annoyed with BIL. He can't help what he picks the phone up to. Also annoyed that DH didn't tell me, and let me go through with the "announcement" on the wats app chat and get all the fake replies back. It would have been better if he just said "no I didn't tell BIL yet, but mum did, he's really happy for us.".

I'd be less angry that way. Maybe it's the hormones.

Sounds like they you've got down as a bit of a drama llama - with MIL texting our OH and him thinking you'd be raging. I think YABU no one really cares, it's your happy event, not theirs.

@RedDeadRoach what? It doesn't matter that she wanted to tell everyone HERSELF, that she was 12 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage? Yes is does matter especially since she told MIL they would tell everyone else.

@6onTheHappyFarm I'd make sure you announce the birth in the family WhatsApp she would probably tell the world about that one

I'd be bloody annoyed with DH, colluding with MIL to maintain the pretence to you that nobody knew and telling them to feign surprise. How patronising.

I was just excited about it. No, I believe they're genuinely happy for us, I don't think the way they find out changes that at all, obviously.

HJWT

Yeah she is upset now. I get that. But In 12 months, will it still matter? Is it worth raging over?

I'm very much not a drama llama, but he knew this was important to me.

That's what happens when you go through other people's messages I guess.

Being angry is way OTT, "slightly miffed" is probably better.

Your DH encouraged them all to lie. MIL about telling and B&SIL about knowing. Yes, it wasn't her news to tell, but I think DH's reaction is weird.

you are not being a drama llama , it was your news to tell not hers
ffs what is wrong with people , that is so bad mannered
i'm with you OP

Is this the hill you want to die on? Really? Let it go. Enjoy your pregnancy. Remember MIL’s focus is her kids and grandkids, not you & your DH clearly didn’t mind her telling. If he cared he should have told her she was out of order.

In 12 months it won't matter, but I think a lot of the things we get angry about day to day won't matter in 12 months.

Mum announced DD's birth, and OH was raging. She also shared the worst ever post birth photo on Facebook with it! She's now NC and has form for being awful, but not in that way. I didn't really care, not a big social media user and not close with family, but OH wanted to share it with his family more personally than being tagged in my horrible mum's Facebook post. I guess it's how personal you wanted to make your announcement, she's now stolen that moment and you can't get it back.

How did you find out the news about their pregnancy

but overall its not something to be raging about really - its annoying but they sent congratulations and are all happy about it

I don't think YABU. It wasn't her news to share. Be rightly annoyed, but get past it.

They told us in person with like a little card and the scan in it.