Am I right to be really angry about this?

[6onTheHappyFarm]

12 wks pregnant after a MMC in March. Have been waiting very apprehensively until the 12 wk scan which happened yesterday, and everything looks really good!

Went round to tell PIL who we get on with very well. They were very happy and asked when we were going to tell BIL and SIL. They have recently had a baby, so we didn't want to go barging in unannounced at 9pm at night, DH said he'd ring his brother and let him know later that night, but DH fell asleep on the sofa and it didn't happen.

This morning DH said he still hadn't told them so i sent a text to the family chat with the scan photo. They were really happy, lots of excited replied etc.

Then tonight I was using DHs phone and his mum had sent a message last night saying "I told BIL, I didn't want him finding out from anyone else." My DH has written back "okay, well they'll have to pretend that they don't know, 6onthehappyfarm will be raging".

I am raging.

Why did she have to tell them?

They were never going to find out through the grapevine in between 9.45 last night and 9am (when I "told them" this morning). Hardly anyone knows, and no one knows that would be in direct contact with them.

All the happy surprised replies this morning just seem so put on. I don't know why she had to do that.

AIBU?

It wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. But that’s me.

YANBU

My DPs told my teenage neice to tell my DSIS the last time I was expecting. I was rushing to tell my DSIS because we don't have much of a relationship. I was mostly annoyed because at that stage we hadn't told our DC

*wasn't

Yup, I’d be peeved. It’s your first child and it’s your news to share. I’m sure it wasn’t malicious, just thoughtless. Some people just get caught up in the excitement and love to be the ‘newsgiver’ - makes them feel important.

Shortly after the 20 week scan I called my mum and told her the gender of our baby. She announced it on every social media platform before I could tell my siblings or husband’s parents. Everyone found out from a screen rather than from us. I was beyond miffed. Maybe tell your MIL that you won’t be sharing the gender of of your child with her until your child reaches puberty.

Just don’t tell MIL anything else In till after you told everyone you want to first some mil think they have the right to do as they please angers me

I think you should just get over it to be honest op.

Sorry if that sounded harsh, but the main thing is you have a healthy pregnancy. Enjoy and remember this about your MIL when you tell her stuff in future 🤷🏻‍♀️

YABU to be annoyed.
YABU to go through DH's phone.

But congratulations on the pregnancy.

I can't stand my MIL and even I wouldnt get wound up over this.

YABU !

Lots of people saying it wouldn't matter to them, but it does to OP and thus is still important. My grandmother did this with news that I was in the way and my mother is still cross about it.

My mil is the same. any tiny event and she’s on the phone to great aunt Norma, cousin billy, auntie pat etc etc etc.
I had to have a gynaecological operation following birth complications and the whole family knew about my vagina. DH is constantly telling her not to spread our business around but I don’t think she has anything interesting of her own to talk about

" but it does to OP and thus is still important."

But what matters to her?

She wasn't due to tell her BIL so that wasn't actually "taken away" from her.

Her husband did let her text the news though, knowing that BIL already knew.

OP you’re pregnant. Time to stop sweating the small stuff.

Stop raging. It’s not good for you. And really, there are so many more important things to be stressed over. Surely some part of you must know this. I know it’s all about context.. but look around you?! Enjoy your happy news and dismiss what should be nobmore than a momentary irritation. Realise how lucky you are.

Tbh I completely agree with you @6onTheHappyFarm I would be furious if anyone I had told the news to had already told people before I got a chance. . We were trying for over 3 years as well and both our parents knew how devastated we were each time it was a negative result, we told our parents weeks before anyone else and if they had told anyone I would have been incredibly angry considering how difficult our journey was to have a family

I’d have been ticked off as well.