Am I right to be really angry about this?

[6onTheHappyFarm]

12 wks pregnant after a MMC in March. Have been waiting very apprehensively until the 12 wk scan which happened yesterday, and everything looks really good!

Went round to tell PIL who we get on with very well. They were very happy and asked when we were going to tell BIL and SIL. They have recently had a baby, so we didn't want to go barging in unannounced at 9pm at night, DH said he'd ring his brother and let him know later that night, but DH fell asleep on the sofa and it didn't happen.

This morning DH said he still hadn't told them so i sent a text to the family chat with the scan photo. They were really happy, lots of excited replied etc.

Then tonight I was using DHs phone and his mum had sent a message last night saying "I told BIL, I didn't want him finding out from anyone else." My DH has written back "okay, well they'll have to pretend that they don't know, 6onthehappyfarm will be raging".

I am raging.

Why did she have to tell them?

They were never going to find out through the grapevine in between 9.45 last night and 9am (when I "told them" this morning). Hardly anyone knows, and no one knows that would be in direct contact with them.

All the happy surprised replies this morning just seem so put on. I don't know why she had to do that.

AIBU?

I would be more annoyed with DH for being spineless and trying to cover it up rather than saying mum told them

Tell them last when you have news. Don't tell them anything you don't want shared. Let them be upset when bil tells them your news. Bitches.

I would post on the family chat - BIL - thanks for congrats, sorry you had to pretend not to know, I had no idea that MIL had already told you our news and now I feel slightly foolish for the big announcement!

Oh my mil did this with both our children, telling people I was pregnant and then also ringing everyone to announce the birth (she doesn't do social media thank god), even though we'd said we'd tell people ourselves.

It really annoyed us that she told my husband's gran about the birth of our first child (her first great grandchild) rather than letting my husband ring her himself. When he phoned his gran she said "oh I know your mum already told me" (it had been half an hour!!!). We'd even said don't tell her, he wants to tell her. But no.

If you want to tell people yourself about the birth maybe tell the mil last. I'm considering doing this when we have our next child!

This is the kind of stuff you need to let go of, the stress of the little things is no good for you or that gorgeous babe you're cooking, so forget about it, enjoy being pregnant.
I would give my right arm n leg to have that news for someone else to spoil lol. So you enjoy every darn minute of it and forget anything else.

But I do get you being annoyed! You have every right, maybe from now on don't tell them unless you want the world to know! xxx

Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderfully happy healthy pregnancy! xxx

Did you tell your mil not to tell anyone?

I really dont get the big deal

So much more in life to get upset about.

I really dont get the big deal

I wouldn't care about something like that, but I can see why the OP is. The MiL knew right well she shouldn't - what a weak excuse "I didn't want him finding out from anyone else". What does that even mean? Who else would be rushing to tell him? She knew she'd overstepped a boundary, and was covering her arse. Leave her 'til last for all other news.

OP it's your news and for you to tell people. I would be raging too.
It's not a little silly thing, this is big and exciting news!

I have a somewhat similar issue with MIL, she often overthinks how people might react to things and so steps in to try and prevent any potential falling out... always completely unnecessary and totally irritating but from her it’s from a desire, however misplaced, to do good and keep the family happy.

When we found out we are expecting third baby (complete shock and surprise for all of us as we have 13 month old twins!) we had to sit her down and categorically state that she was not to tell ANYBODY before we were ready as we didn’t yet know if the pregnancy was viable due to complications following c-section with twins... thankfully all is looking well and only one bun in the oven this time but she still told her DIL for fear it would upset her to find out from anybody else as DIL is currently struggling to get pregnant. Very different circumstances I know but DIL couldn’t understand why she did it as she knew we’d tell her ourselves when we were ready!

Congratulations!

YANBU especially now you’ve calmed down.

I’ve learned the hard way not to share news with my parents unless I specifically want everyone to know. They simply do not understand the concept of ‘please keep this to yourself.’

Like you MIL they are lovely people who have big mouths.

I used to actively enjoy feeling stressed during my pregnancy. As hard as that can be.

Give it a go OP

“Enjoy” should read “avoid”!!!!!

Op I am with you this would piss me off. I would be most annoyed at DH for not speaking up and for essentially colluding with her. Totally unimpressed and makes me wonder if they have little conversations about you behind your back.
I would make it clear you will be announcing the birth in a way which means she cannot ruin it for you so she won't get to know before others. decide on how you want the birth announced and agree in advance. make it clear to dh how much it means to you!

She was just really excited for you and the fact she is getting more grand children. Can’t see a problem really. I assume you told DHs mum the same time as you told your parents so lots knew about your news.

I could not care less how people found out.
It's a big change for the grandparents, too, I can understand them being excited & wanting to share their excitement.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. How exciting.

In the kindest way, I’d suggest you lower your expectations and your reactions or you’ll be arguing with everyone throughout bringing up a family. My life has been far sunnier since I learnt to be more ‘meh’

Congratulations again

I don't understand at all why your husband didn't tell you that they knew.

He was the one who was going to tell his brother & if he didn't care that his mum told his brother then it shouldn't be an issue for anyone else.

The issue surely is that he let Op text the news to them when they already knew!

I would never let her see the baby. She has massively overstepped, has no boundaries and she’s had her turn at announcing her own pregnancy.

Is that what you wanted people to say?

Workreturner
“Enjoy” should read “avoid”!!!!!

I read and re-read your first post trying to figure out why on earth you'd enjoy such a strange thing. 🤣

Can't see the big drama over it and your dh probably asked to cover it up as couldn't be arsed with a shit storm over it .

Pick your battles. This One really isn’t worth a second thought.

Yeh I can’t say it would bother me really. Try to let it go and focus on the positive.

I have suffered several late losses and have subsequently birthed healthy babies so I hope that gives hope to others who may be struggling.

Men just want an easy life. DH was wrong to go along with MIL’s pretence but he just didn’t want the grief from you OP did he? I think you should just forget it. It’s inportant not to get stressed. Just enjoy your pregnancy and forget it. Who cares!! You have more important things to worry about.

My sister, in whom I had confided, told our DM I was pregnant before I had a chance to. When I told my DM, I could tell immediately she already knew. It upset me because my sister had already had a baby the year before and the excitement of breaking her own news, etc. I felt robbed of something by her and there was a whole history of her treating me dismissively/disrespectfully which is why it mattered - if it had been a one-off, it wouldn't have