I need a cast-iron excuse to duck out of our works Xmas dinner..

[Getmeoutahere5]

Aibu? Maybe. We are a small workforce of 16. One of the 16 has been extremely abusive to me in the past & management did nothing about it as the abuse happened outside work. (he asked me out, I said no, he got violent). He's moving on to another role somewhere else in the new year, so I'll have a fresh start then. I can just about tolerate our work time but I really can't be arsed with the works xmas dinner/party this year. For the record, it'll take place on a Sunday after we close our office at midday. So I need a cast-iron believable excuse as to why I can't be there. We all know each other so well, the 'I'm off on holiday/my dm's sick/helping a friend move house' etc isn't going to cut it. It's quite a big deal our xmas dinner, we all sit around table together & are handed awards for the years work, I've never known anyone bunk it before. I just really don't want to do it.

Has anyone got a good excuses that won't cause me to trip up in the new year? The whole office know that I'm single & have no family.

Email:

Dear Boss

This is to let you know I will not be attending the company Christmas dinner on xx December as Twatface will be there and I do not feel safe being in a social situation with someone who has been extremely abusive to me. You yourself implied that by putting myself in a social situation with X meant that I was somehow responsible for their abuse; I will therefore heed yours, and police, advice and not put myself in this position.

Regards

getmeout

I had this at my last job. I was just upfront and said I didn't want to go.

I'm with telling the truth. How about something along the lines of...

I don't want to go to the Xmas dinner because X will be there. The police advised me keep away from him which is obviously difficult when you work in the same office. I've been totally professional and tolerated his presence as a work colleague but am really not comfortable with the more social nature of the dinner, particularly with alcohol being consumed and everyone letting their guard down. I am disappointed that I won't be celebrating with the rest of you but can see no other solution. Normal service will be resumed next Christmas.

@Titchy has some good phrases too.

If it’s taking place during work hours, the simplest way of getting out of it is to take the whole day off sick ( d and v, migraine ). It doesn’t really matter if they believe you or not. They can’t prove otherwise.

Don't lie. It's not necessary.

Titchy's email is perfect ... and also puts some of the responsibility back on the manager who handled this so badly

The excuse is 'I don't want to go'

It's outrageous that you are even considering making an excuse and it's disgusting how you were treated. Tell the truth and shame them. So many things wrong with how your office dealt with this (although I don't know everything). The police should have been involved regardless if this was outside of work.

Oh sorry, just catching up. The police were involved. Your bosses are shitty, victim blaming idiots. They told you that you were naive to put yourself in that situation yet they are the ones who not only emply him but continue to emply him even after this accusation (which I assume he didn't deny). I'm so sorry you have to put up with this!

@winterfellwench the OP says upthread that the event does take place during work time, and the office is closing early to acccommodate this.

I’d go with an email as suggested by @titchy.

I would just be truthful.

I don't want to attend the Christmas party with a person that was violent to me and pretend that that's okay, because it isn't. I'll rejoin once he's left.

The police told me what happened was 'below' the threshold to take action but that I should keep away from him in future.

There you have it.

"I will not be attending the Christmas lunch as I have been advised by the police to keep away from X in the future, and while I can't avoid him in the office, I can outside it."

Be brave. It is the truth.

Sorry you're in this position. I wouldn't want to go either if someone who'd abused me - and the management that smoothed it over - were playing happy families around a bloody dinner table.

Another vote for titchy's email

titchy's message is perfect, apart from the stray "by" before "putting myself in a social situation with X meant that I was somehow responsible for their abuse;"

Good luck, OP.

You only spend time in the same building as him because you have to. You both work there. You don't have to spend any of your free time within ten miles of him if you don't want to.

Say you aren't going, and if your employer asks why, tell them that you are taking police advice to stay away from your abuser.

I think your boss made a mistake in not addressing the issue with this msn. It may be that they didn't do so as it happened out of hours.

Whatever their reason just say that as this man was abusive you are not prepared to attend any social event where he is present. Say you also have concerns he might create a problem with you outside the venue and are too scared to attend. If they reassure you say that unfortunately you have another invite which you have accepted.