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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need a cast-iron excuse to duck out of our works Xmas dinner..

142 replies

Getmeoutahere5 · 20/11/2018 17:54

Aibu? Maybe. We are a small workforce of 16. One of the 16 has been extremely abusive to me in the past & management did nothing about it as the abuse happened outside work. (he asked me out, I said no, he got violent). He's moving on to another role somewhere else in the new year, so I'll have a fresh start then. I can just about tolerate our work time but I really can't be arsed with the works xmas dinner/party this year. For the record, it'll take place on a Sunday after we close our office at midday. So I need a cast-iron believable excuse as to why I can't be there. We all know each other so well, the 'I'm off on holiday/my dm's sick/helping a friend move house' etc isn't going to cut it. It's quite a big deal our xmas dinner, we all sit around table together & are handed awards for the years work, I've never known anyone bunk it before. I just really don't want to do it.

Has anyone got a good excuses that won't cause me to trip up in the new year? The whole office know that I'm single & have no family.

OP posts:
festivellama · 20/11/2018 18:17

"Thank you so much for the invitation, but I shall not be attending the firm's Christmas party this year"

Send that, and if they ask why, then tell them you are not going to spend a single second of your free time with person x, because he has already been abusive towards you, and you are not prepared to put yourself in a position where it might happen again.

Normandy144 · 20/11/2018 18:17

As it is a Sunday i would say it is very normal to be invited to uncle Bobs 70th birthday lunch or afternoon tea for your friend's milestone birthday.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/11/2018 18:17

Has to be sickness. You have a migraine develop.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 20/11/2018 18:17

"nope, not if it were the last do on earth, but once that prick has left I shall organise the party of the century"

beela · 20/11/2018 18:18

I can't be arsed to go to mine.... No reason, just can't be bothered. So I said I couldn't make it on that date. No further questions asked.

Pinkyyy · 20/11/2018 18:18

Do you not have a HR department? Have you contacted them about the abuse?

FannyFifer · 20/11/2018 18:18

Just tell them why you won't be going.

TheFaerieQueene · 20/11/2018 18:20

Tell the truth. Hiding behind a lie sweeps the violence under the carpet.

Haworthia · 20/11/2018 18:20

I think you’re fully justified in being honest. You can’t go because that man will be there and he’s a threat to you.

BumDisease · 20/11/2018 18:20

Tell the truth.

beeefcake · 20/11/2018 18:21

I haven't been to mine in the past (25ish people)

And I just say I don't want to go, no one has ever questioned it.

However honesty is the best policy

Letshopeitsallok · 20/11/2018 18:21

I agree with others. A “thanks, but no thanks”, and if pressed, tell the truth.

Dvg · 20/11/2018 18:22

I have a hangover from Saturday. I need sleep and food sounds ergh right now

Dvg · 20/11/2018 18:23

Or just a thanks but I fancy just having a relaxing night in, don't feeling like going out

ElectricMonkey · 20/11/2018 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoThePussy · 20/11/2018 18:25

No will not be at works do. Colleague was violent towards me and I was not supported by employers. I have taken independant advice (from the Mumsnet massive) and have been advised I should not attend. Sure you understand, head tilt optional.

TooManyPaws · 20/11/2018 18:26

Tell the truth. After all, it's not as though he's going to be around at work later to get upset and violent about what you said. "I am not going because I would feel neither comfortable nor safe with X there, particularly as there will be alcohol consumed."

ivykaty44 · 20/11/2018 18:26

I’m not able to attend this year

That is your cast iron reason

They are not allowed to ask you why and you are at liberty to tell them they are over stepping the mark by asking

Cornettoninja · 20/11/2018 18:28

Does the office close specifically for the party so in reality is in works time? That’s a bit harder to be fair and that’s when they can tell you to attend.

If you do go down the sickie route you’ll have to go off a couple of days before hand to not look obvious and be warned it will not make you popular.

I think you should confide in a manager too tbh, but only you can make a judgement call about the best way to handle it.

eddielizzard · 20/11/2018 18:28

I would tell the truth.

Original poster
Getmeoutahere5 · 20/11/2018 18:29

We have no HR dept & I felt quite let down when I told my manager what had happened. I had to just keep working in the same office & get on with it. Yes the police were informed & he was 'spoken to'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Getmeoutahere5 · 20/11/2018 18:29

Yes the party happens in work time.

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 20/11/2018 18:30

I’d just say “sorry I won’t be able to come this year”.

If asked by management I would state “following the violent incident I experienced outside of work at the hands of colleague x I feel I need to safeguard myself from further harm”.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/11/2018 18:31

I was expecting you to say that you needed an excuse because the truth was frankly you can't be bothered.

I would make no secret of the fact that you would rather not join in a festive facade with a violent abuser. Make no bones about it.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 20/11/2018 18:32

I can't believe they'd make a fuss if you said you didn't want to socialise with someone who attacked you...?