To think mums using formula are shamed more than breastfeeding mums?

[Mumtoboy123]

Before having children i didnt realise how big of an issue this seems to be. Everywhere you go you hear "breast is best" and yes, this is the case for some, however, i had my son 7 weeks ago and i was never too fussed about breastfeeding. I knew it would hurt, take a lot of time to get right and i would be the sole provider of feeding day and night. I knew that for me, this was a lot of pressure, that i would rather DH have the chance to feed DS and get that connection with him and we could face night feeds as a team. I also suffer from chronic fatigue and knew 2 hourly BF by myself would kill me or cause low feeling and possible PND.
When DS was born, i was rushed to surgery following the birth. Before this happened, because i felt i had to, id said i wanted to try and breastfeed for the first few days of colostrum at least. This meant that while i was being prepped for surgery, a midwife was 'panic expressing' in an attempt to get DS to latch on. Quite traumatic. DH then had to give DS a bottle while surgery took so long and we carried on from there.
Since having DS ive had aot of people assuming im breastfeeding, ignoring me saying im formula feeding and continuing to tell me their BF stories and advice, and i get funny looks wherever i bottle feed out of the house, especially at mum groups.
Surely feeding my child in the best way that suits our family is better than BF and my bond with DS suffering because of the hardship, or worse, not feeding at all?! There seems to be a lot of focus on supporting BF mums because of the opinions related to getting breast out in public but no support for those who have chosen to formula feed for whatever reason, if anything, when you say you are formula feeding you get a bit of a look and an "oh right" comment... then a silence. Its got to the point where i see another formula feeding mum in costa and i want to run up to her and high-5 her!!
Just to clarify... i have nothing against Breastfeeding at all... especially in public.

I think she means she wanted something to help with the pain of the engorgement of not feeding and the doctor wouldn't/couldn't help.

My Mum and MIL were shocked when Dsis was told they could give nothing and she had to wait it out -apparently used to be to give some pill that helped stop milk coming in.

I think OP you need to grow a thicker skin - now it's ff next will be weaning or dummy or school chosen – it doesn’t stop.

You’re happy FF you don’t have to justify it to anyone. I felt constantly under attack bf from family nothing I said made a blind bit of difference - couple of year down the line no one but DH and I remembers or cares.

GP’s don’t prescribe anything to help milk dry up as a general rule now do they? They advice other ways to prevent enforcement and milk supply.

I ended up expressing and topping up with ff after a horrendous birth which ended up with one baby in intensive care.
All the staff seemed to care about on the standard maternity ward was breastfeeding, my normally pretty polite DH thought they were dreadful.
The staff in neonatal by contrast were supportive and anxiety reducing. Clear that all food was good food and not to get stressed about feeding.
So I decided that lack of training in general baby wards might be the issue.

nasty judgmental comments. Including being shunned by the other women at a BFing support group where I went for advice about combining BFing with formula.

Mixed feeding does seem very much forgotten and unsupported in UK - and for some women I know it worked really well.

My best friend had her baby 8 weeks early a couple of months ago. They were told they could go home as soon as the baby could feed by herself. A member of staff in neonatal said to her ‘just bottle feed to get yourself home quicker then sort breastfeeding when you get home’. I think there’s a distinct lack of training in all areas!

My dd2 was admitted to hospital at 6 weeks old and needed to be on oxygen for a week. She was FF. The mums who were breastfeeding were given breakfast, lunch and dinner, the FF mums were given nothing

OK, maybe I've just been very lucky 4 times but all the people I know have either
a) gone straight toff
b) tried bf for literally 12 hours and given up
c) bf with the odd bit of help needed in first 2 days or so then carried on with no problems

GP’s don’t prescribe anything to help milk dry up as a general rule now do they? They advice other ways to prevent enforcement and milk supply.

No but they did in late 70s when MIL and Mum had us - they didn't say much to DSis at all - cold cabbage leaves and well fitted bra and waiting.

I suffered engorgement with second DS bf - also had several bouts of mastitis very unpleasant especially when you have young children – most HCP we saw were quiet abrupt and not terrible interested or sympathetic – that was more the area though.

Onlyonce that’s because those mothers are their baby’s food source. Nothing to do with shaming ff

Yes I had mastitis with DD2 which led to sepsis and 5 days in intensive care, not nice.

tried bf for literally 12 hours and given up
Maybe they’re the ones who could have done with some support?

Combi feeding barely gets any support in the UK and I'm sure that's what stops a lot of women carrying on with BFing. I now help out with advice on a combi feeding online group as I wish it had existed when I was struggling during DD's first year and the questions that come up are so varied. There's a perception that BFing needs lots of support (which isn't available in all areas) but formula feeding needs support too. Formula feeding isn't easy, there are all kinds of things to learn about - positioning, paced feeding, reflux, quantities to give etc, whether to try a different bottle/teat/milk etc.

Some women combi feed because they start out like me with little or no milk of their own, so feed formula, then reduce it/stop it when their milk comes in. Others start out EBF but want to introduce one or two bottles of formula a day. Both require different advice.

@5foot5
Believe it or not things have changed in 23 years.
Mumsnet, iPhone...

soydora I found the relaxed attitude to whether or not dd was bf or ff in neonatal a blessed relief compared to the pressure to breastfeed ds that I was getting in the maternity ward.
The focus on feeding rather than one type of feeding was calming and supportive. Dd did manage to grasp bf a little later but as her twin never did we didn't swap over although she could have done.
Once we got out of hospital I didn't feel judged or pressured, it was just healthcare staff that did that, not everyday people.

I bfed DD2 for 4 months. I kept telling midwives, then the health visitor, that she couldn't suck properly and was exhausting herself before she was sated. Finally the HV suggested mixed feeding and the weight piled back on. She refused the breast during the day, then gave up completely at 8 months. I hate all those "for the first 6 months, breastfeeding is best for your baby." Yeah, being starved is best for my baby.

soydora I found the relaxed attitude to whether or not dd was bf or ff in neonatal a blessed relief compared to the pressure to breastfeed ds that I was getting in the maternity ward

And that’s great! A relaxed attitude is fab. My friend had made it clear she wanted to BF though, and was desperate for help BF-ing a 32 weeker.

@vandrew4
Well at least you’ve now learnt something

As women we really need to stop second guessing every decision we make and worrying about what other women are thinking about us. Work out what you want to do, make a decision that’s best for your family, and carry on.

I’ve had my fair share of worrying about what people think of me, but finally after my third child I’ve realised I can happily make decisions in our best interests. Listen to advice; research what you want to do; but own your decision. Because if a man was sitting in a cafe feeding their baby, nobody would be tutting over milk what the baby was drinking. Let’s be confident in what we are doing, ladies

Some women combi feed because they start out like me with little or no milk of their own,

My milk was slow to come in with pfb - mainly down to a horrid overnight stay on post-natal ward and really poor advice bf advice despite hospital being bf friendly.

I wasn't told combined feeding was possible - was told had to get bm in and supply up or switch to ff.

Did get there but even feeding by cup and syringe to get pumped bm into her we were left to work out - there wasn't support just a try that as well as MW walked out the door.

Oh I see, lisasimpson. But the poster has phrased it as though the GP was saying that she deserved to suffer because she wasn't Bf when in fact they just didn't have anything to offer drug-wise and feeding choice was irrelevant.

It doesn’t need to be a competition. There was a great comment earlier on in the thread about how it’s hard not to take public health messages personally.

You choose to feed your child how you choose to feed your child. But statistically breastfeeding rates in the uk are low, and lack of support/ perception it will be hard strike me as key reasons for rates being so low.

For balance, it is possible to never have pain when breastfeeding. That was me and my baby - he latched on while we were in recovery from an emergency c section and basically that was it. He was away. But I still ended up seeking out support for other reasons and I have to say it was from organisations like NCT and La Leche League rather than NHS support. They didn’t have the resources or capacity.

I’ve experienced judgement for breastfeeding as he’s got older (now 10 months). Mostly of the ‘who is it reallyfor’ variety . However in the early days I received nothing but positivity for feeding in public. I was pretty immune to what people thought though, to the extent that my mum suggested I be a bit more discreet. This from a woman who breastfed 3. I’m pro breastfeeding but that doesn’t make me a certain kind of mother, or the ‘breastfeeding mafia’.

In the kindest way I do feel YABU op to set this up like some kind of competition. I mean welcome to motherhood, people are judgy. We can at least be supportive of one another.

I think it really depends on (sorry to say it) the general class of the area where you live.

I live in a very middle class area and everyone I know breastfeeds and I have heard some very judgy ff comments.

My extended family live in a very working class area and everyone ffs and I have heard some very judgy bf comments.

I think it’s this whole imagined theory that put extra pressure and guilt on people whether that’s yourself for ff or other mums for bf. Why don’t you just call a spade a spade, you decided to ff because it suited your family better. Don’t bash bf mothers and people who advocate bf. You made your choice so own it. It’s no one else’s business. I chose to bf my baby and am now almost 14 months in and I don’t give a crap what other people think. I would never pass comment or judge someone else the same as I wouldn’t expect to be judged myself BUT the difference is myself, along with other mums who are outside the normal statistics of