To think mums using formula are shamed more than breastfeeding mums?

[Mumtoboy123]

Before having children i didnt realise how big of an issue this seems to be. Everywhere you go you hear "breast is best" and yes, this is the case for some, however, i had my son 7 weeks ago and i was never too fussed about breastfeeding. I knew it would hurt, take a lot of time to get right and i would be the sole provider of feeding day and night. I knew that for me, this was a lot of pressure, that i would rather DH have the chance to feed DS and get that connection with him and we could face night feeds as a team. I also suffer from chronic fatigue and knew 2 hourly BF by myself would kill me or cause low feeling and possible PND.
When DS was born, i was rushed to surgery following the birth. Before this happened, because i felt i had to, id said i wanted to try and breastfeed for the first few days of colostrum at least. This meant that while i was being prepped for surgery, a midwife was 'panic expressing' in an attempt to get DS to latch on. Quite traumatic. DH then had to give DS a bottle while surgery took so long and we carried on from there.
Since having DS ive had aot of people assuming im breastfeeding, ignoring me saying im formula feeding and continuing to tell me their BF stories and advice, and i get funny looks wherever i bottle feed out of the house, especially at mum groups.
Surely feeding my child in the best way that suits our family is better than BF and my bond with DS suffering because of the hardship, or worse, not feeding at all?! There seems to be a lot of focus on supporting BF mums because of the opinions related to getting breast out in public but no support for those who have chosen to formula feed for whatever reason, if anything, when you say you are formula feeding you get a bit of a look and an "oh right" comment... then a silence. Its got to the point where i see another formula feeding mum in costa and i want to run up to her and high-5 her!!
Just to clarify... i have nothing against Breastfeeding at all... especially in public.

BrookShelley ONCE AGAIN, I am not disputing there isn't a link/benefit, I AM disputing that the link/benefit is 40%.

So annoying to have to listen to people branding numbers from supposed research who don't have a clue about epidemiology or research methods and don't understand that you can't brand any research and conclude that it applies to everyone everywhere.

I will be delighted to be convinced if you can show me a properly conducted clinical research with results that are statistically significant. That one cited isn't.

Unfortunately I’m not an academic with unlimited access to medical papers so you’ll have to settle for what is on google. Sorry.

Why don't you ask MNHQ to remove that stupid post now you have actually learned what that phrase means?

It does show that there is a real lack of trust the information being given about BF

I find it astonishing how there is a segment of the population who seems to believe the WHO, NHS, CDC, and other public health agencies have invented the benefits of breast milk and decided to force it on us for their own unknown purposes.

Nobody on here has said they believe that.

The WHO drive the NHS policy to promote BF, and the WHO have a rationale based on worldwide public health information. On a worldwide scale BF is absolutely beneficial to mother and baby for a huge number of reasons, explained at length throughout this thread with particular attention to developing countries.

When you look at a country like the UK in isolation, many of those factors become irrelevant and the health benefits of BF vs FF massively diminish and seem, once selection and other demographics are controlled for, to be limited to infancy. Nobody is saying there are no benefits , just that they are overstated and that FF is fine if done safely.

As mentioned upthread if there is scientific proof that formula is as good or better than breast milk you can be sure Nestle Danone et al would have every newspaper in the world publishing it in their health section within days.

^Totally speculative argument with no place in a rational objective debate. And popularising the idea that BF has no health benefits in the media (which is these days inherently worldwide) may be very detrimental to those in countries where the benefits substantial.

Luckily, I had a brilliant HV who suggest I top up feeds with FF, as my baby had reflux and every feed ended up being thrown up. FF meant she could keep her feeds (better) down, I was not a wreck and my DD put on weight. Not once did I feel judged by my mum-friends or strangers. They all knew I had a pukey baby. There is no right, nor wrong way of feeding your baby. Everyone's reasoning for BF or FF is different. Live and let live I'd say.

Very few people give up bf due to lack of information.
As has been said a million times on here it is lack of proper support including from midwives and health visitors.

Re the ear infection thing- isn’t that less to do with BF enhancing immunity and more to do with feeding position/method (milk getting trapped in the eustation tubes) ?

It does show that there is a real lack of trust the information being given about BF

Why do you think this is?

@Shazafied there is poverty and unequal access to resources in the UK as well. In some communities the difference between BF and FF is far less negligible for example low literacy and education areas so difficulty in making bottles correctly, poor families who dilute to stretch a tin of formula, etc.

These breastfeeding/ formula feed threads are just the same as the mum / step mum threads.
It's absolutely disgusting to see many of these poster talking absolute poop about stuff they don't have a clue about!
Poster saying KYS, do you think it's in your mind, your over reacting, lazy not to, judgemental.
I'm shocked that poster feel it's acceptable to make such comments.
Women and mothers should be supporting each other ( cheesy I know) but ffs!!!!!!

Re the ear infection thing- isn’t that less to do with BF enhancing immunity and more to do with feeding position/method (milk getting trapped in the eustation tubes) ?

Benefits of BF aren’t limited to the milk itself. The reason they believe there’s a link between BF babies and lower obesity is the action of BF is self-regulatory whereas bottles are faster flow and less work for babies.

For the record both of mine took bottles of expressed milk when I went back to work so I’m not some anti bottle activist.

I don't know but there are other examples of people not trusting the medical establishment so it could be part of a wider problem.

I also agree the situation with FF is also poor. Nowhere seems to give a straight answer about prepping bottles in advance.

Nobody has argued that incorrectly made formula isnt dangerous , or that it is reasonabley priced and non-exploitative.

But most people in this country have access to clean drinking water and the ability to sterilise. These are separate issues to any inherent health benefits of BF, and the gap could be further closed by proper support with and access to FF for mums who can’t/ choose not to BF.

Benefits of BF aren’t limited to the milk itself. The reason they believe there’s a link between BF babies and lower obesity is the action of BF is self-regulatory whereas bottles are faster flow and less work for babies.

Luckily this is not insurmountable. Better access to more appropriate tests for each baby, like the medela calma for example, which is expensive.

< Still not saying that BF shouldn’t be supported in those that want to do it, merely that any gap in health benefits can be further closed with support for FF parents too >

Tests = teats

'That's the thing, the decision to BF is often a very affirming and empowering thing and the decision to switch to FF very often isn't. If someone shamed me for BF I'd just call to mind the research and all my BF mummy friends and tell them to KYS. If I'd had to reluctantly switch to FF I wouldn't have the same confidence.'

You'd be surprised. I reluctantly switched from MF to plain old FF and I felt fantastically empowered by having a well fed baby, a few hours rest, throwing away my breast pump and fenugreek tablets and, best of all, leaving the BF 'support' groups filled with people with attitudes like yours.

OMG I’ve never seen my baby finish a bottle so fast as with the Medela Calma teat. She was done in less than a minute. As she had reflux that was not a good thing. Regular old Tommee Tippee was much better!

The point is having the support and resources to find the right teat for your baby, rather than having to buy the cheapest one.

There doesn't seem to be much incentive to help people who FF with things like how to find the right bottle. It's almost like they think they can encourage BF by making FF as difficult as possible and I don't think that's the right way to do it.

Probably because people can't turn back the clock and start lactating again. If someone's milk has dried up formula is the only option and these women deserve support not shaming.

Surely this is more of a reason to promote bf? If people are diluting formula to make it last then why not bf for free!

Oh dear.

I've not read the whole thread but @fourcorneredcircle - your posts have made me cry. I wanted to bf and couldn't. I had lots of support and it just didn't happen. I knew all the benefits and I wanted to give my dd the best start. I knew there was a chance I wouldn't be able to and I used to read the posters in the ante natal unit about benefits of breastfeeding feeling guilty that I might not be able to bf. When it was confirmed I couldn't, I became very depressed about how my body had let my dd down (again - dd was conceived following a miscarriage). It's lovely to know I just didn't try hard enough to breastfeed.

I have an NCT group. I'm the only one who formula feeds. I feel left out of most discussions as it's generally all about feeding issues and when I try to contribute anything I get the judgy look.

It's not true to say people who are formula feeding don't need support. We've had many of the same issues as my bf friends but there was no where to go to ask advice. There's a lot of breastfeeding support around here. I wish it were just feeding support with people who could give you advice no matter how you fed.

@voxnihili - I'm sorry sorry you feel like this. I do too. It's shit.
Please do your best to process the fact that you are doing what is best for your family in your circumstances. It's horrible when everyone around you is bf and these sorts of threads get the odd nasty cow coming on saying shit. Or, even worse, someone who seems nice saying something that breaks your heart and they don't even realise it.
For now, while you are processing things, I'd strongly urge you to hide or ignore these sorts of threads.
What you don't need right now is to bang your head against a wall.
If I was sat next to you I would give you a big hug and make you a .
Don't waste your precious energy.

voxnihili - you haven't failed and I'm so sorry you feel that way.

For what it's worth, you and the other people who feel excluded from conversations because you're not breastfeeding - the endless feeding conversations really do last such a short time. When DS was a few weeks old so many conversations at my new mums group were about feeding (both breast and bottle, as we're a mix: we're now half and half, though I think we started as three FF and seven BF, so that also gets easier for FFers as people switching only ever goes one way!). The babies are all now five or six months and people talk endlessly about weaning but hardly at all about milk. People do talk about it a lot with newborns but they do so little apart from feed, poo and sleep that there's not much else to talk about - literally within a couple of months that passes.