To think mums using formula are shamed more than breastfeeding mums?

[Mumtoboy123]

Before having children i didnt realise how big of an issue this seems to be. Everywhere you go you hear "breast is best" and yes, this is the case for some, however, i had my son 7 weeks ago and i was never too fussed about breastfeeding. I knew it would hurt, take a lot of time to get right and i would be the sole provider of feeding day and night. I knew that for me, this was a lot of pressure, that i would rather DH have the chance to feed DS and get that connection with him and we could face night feeds as a team. I also suffer from chronic fatigue and knew 2 hourly BF by myself would kill me or cause low feeling and possible PND.
When DS was born, i was rushed to surgery following the birth. Before this happened, because i felt i had to, id said i wanted to try and breastfeed for the first few days of colostrum at least. This meant that while i was being prepped for surgery, a midwife was 'panic expressing' in an attempt to get DS to latch on. Quite traumatic. DH then had to give DS a bottle while surgery took so long and we carried on from there.
Since having DS ive had aot of people assuming im breastfeeding, ignoring me saying im formula feeding and continuing to tell me their BF stories and advice, and i get funny looks wherever i bottle feed out of the house, especially at mum groups.
Surely feeding my child in the best way that suits our family is better than BF and my bond with DS suffering because of the hardship, or worse, not feeding at all?! There seems to be a lot of focus on supporting BF mums because of the opinions related to getting breast out in public but no support for those who have chosen to formula feed for whatever reason, if anything, when you say you are formula feeding you get a bit of a look and an "oh right" comment... then a silence. Its got to the point where i see another formula feeding mum in costa and i want to run up to her and high-5 her!!
Just to clarify... i have nothing against Breastfeeding at all... especially in public.

I'm sorry but on what planet is it ok to tell someone to KillYourSelf (KYS) over BF?

Absolutely awful.

I don't like bullies and will give as good as I get. If you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen.

you are way out of order to tell anyone to go kill themselves and the fact that you think it's ok is just horrific. you're the bully.

Typical nasty, nonsensical remarks from the MN EBF harridans. Honestly it’s not worth engaging if you want a moderate sensible discussion. I say this as someone pro bf and ff.

I think someone deliberately trying to shame a breastfeeding woman who is minding her own business is a disgrace. People who choose to go out of their way to say nasty things can't complain if they don't get nice things said back to them.

Looks like OPs point is proven

Mind your own business is an appropriate response.

Go kill yourself. Not so much.

HTH.

I'll say what I like to anyone who acts nastily to me.

Have you considered that your reaction to a mild thread on the internet is disproportionate? I mean, telling people to go kill themselves is a bit extreme, surely?

I haven't told anyone on this thread to kill themself. It's just an example of a response to someone who has made the choice to say nasty things to a woman breastfeeding.

Define nasty things.

You know, those nasty things that would mean the appropriate response is go kill yourself.

Going out of your way to make cruel comments towards a person who may well be feeling vulnerable when it is completely unnecessary. A woman breastfeeding affects no one else. A woman giving a bottle also effects no one else.

I have no sympathy for someone who goes out of their way to say something mean and then has something mean said back to them.

It's always the nastiest people who seem to expect the best treatment from others.

What sort of nasty comment is worthy of the response go kill yourself?

Any sort. If you don't want KYS said to you then don't go out of your way to say something nasty.

Well, given the way this thread has gone, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to admit to bf and want to be labelled in the same group of people who would advise someone to go and kill themselves.

In fact that kind of attitude would see me gleefully reaching for the formula tin and be glad that at least I wasn’t one of those people.

@BrightStarrySky

...but you're okay with shaming or giving a funny look to someone who chose to FF?

I think you’re right in that there is a lot of pressure put on mums to breast feed. With my first child I tried and tried and tried to latch her on properly and my nipples were bleeding and ended up black, I had support from my midwife (who was great to be fair) but there was this group called commmunity mums and dads who kept no ringing me up a lot to ask if I was still breast feeding. What I was doing was expressing breast milk for the majority of my daughters feeds and supplementing with formula, it was really hard work and I didn’t appreciate the frequent calls from these community people asking what I was doing and pressuring me to try and get my daughter to latch back on, they obviously meant well but in the end I got fed up and asked them nicely not to keep calling me. I kept expressing for six months and then I felt it had become too much and switched to all formular. When my son was born I tried again to breastfeed, and again sort help, but found it very painful and it was clear he wasn’t getting enough so I expressed for him, with a toddler in tow this was a lot harder than first time around, I managed it for three monthsp. Pushing myself because I was convinced I’d be letting him down if I didnt do six months like with his sister, then I had to stop because I was so exhausted that I nearly had a car accident. I still feel a small sense of guilt and failure about breast feeding. I do think there needs to be support for those who want to breastfeed but I do agree with those who say they’ve been made to feel like formula feeding is a bad choice.

I've never said anything to anyone about how they feed their baby. Bottle or breast is none of my business. So I won't be going to kill myself , thanks

Oh please.

@SnuggyBuggy

You need to chill out

I had far more nasty comments about the one I FF than the ones I BF. Funnily enough, I didn't tell anyone to go kill themselves.

It probably comes from being bullied at school but I just don't get people that make the choice to go up to someone they don't even know and open their mouth to say nasty things.

I really do think it's out of order to say, on here, that people should be telling anyone else, anyone, for any reason, to go kill themselves. That is just such a horrid thing to say, and as someone who has had a child be horrifically bullied and had similar things said to that child, I find it absolutely abhorrent that such a thing would be said on what is supposed to be a supportive chat space, by an adult to another human being.

Horrendous thing to say. Telling someone to go kill themselves is utterly abhorrent.

Define nasty things. What sort of nasty things have people said to you that the appropriate response to is "go kill yourself."?

Well that escalated quickly.

Snuggy as well as the kill yourself remark, YABU for the use of the phrase 'BF mummy friends'.