To think mums using formula are shamed more than breastfeeding mums?

[Mumtoboy123]

Before having children i didnt realise how big of an issue this seems to be. Everywhere you go you hear "breast is best" and yes, this is the case for some, however, i had my son 7 weeks ago and i was never too fussed about breastfeeding. I knew it would hurt, take a lot of time to get right and i would be the sole provider of feeding day and night. I knew that for me, this was a lot of pressure, that i would rather DH have the chance to feed DS and get that connection with him and we could face night feeds as a team. I also suffer from chronic fatigue and knew 2 hourly BF by myself would kill me or cause low feeling and possible PND.
When DS was born, i was rushed to surgery following the birth. Before this happened, because i felt i had to, id said i wanted to try and breastfeed for the first few days of colostrum at least. This meant that while i was being prepped for surgery, a midwife was 'panic expressing' in an attempt to get DS to latch on. Quite traumatic. DH then had to give DS a bottle while surgery took so long and we carried on from there.
Since having DS ive had aot of people assuming im breastfeeding, ignoring me saying im formula feeding and continuing to tell me their BF stories and advice, and i get funny looks wherever i bottle feed out of the house, especially at mum groups.
Surely feeding my child in the best way that suits our family is better than BF and my bond with DS suffering because of the hardship, or worse, not feeding at all?! There seems to be a lot of focus on supporting BF mums because of the opinions related to getting breast out in public but no support for those who have chosen to formula feed for whatever reason, if anything, when you say you are formula feeding you get a bit of a look and an "oh right" comment... then a silence. Its got to the point where i see another formula feeding mum in costa and i want to run up to her and high-5 her!!
Just to clarify... i have nothing against Breastfeeding at all... especially in public.

I am a health visitor and I actively make a point of being verbally/emotionally supportive if anyone wants to bottle feed (I did myself). More practical support is often required if breastfeeding as it is more physically demanding and difficult to get started on. I hate that formula feeding mum's feel guilty or judged and I strongly try to do the opposite. The most important thing is the emotional and mental well being of the mother and if giving formula helps this, then great! Happy mum = happy healthy baby. More resources are put into breastfeeding due to the physical benefits to health according to researches but there are millions of happy healthy grown-up formula fed children, it's just another 'reducing risk' factor not the be all and end all.

You've made your choice, it's what is right for you, so own it with confidence!

I find it crazy reading the posts that the majority feel the need to include justifications for their chosen feeding method, even many years later. It's unnecessary! A fed baby is all that's important!

I've done both, and definitely feel less comfortable bf-ing in public, but I acknowledge that at least a part of that is me projecting my own feelings and perceiving the environment to be more unfriendly. I suspect I'm not the only one that this effects....

@TAMS71 - a great, sensible, positive and supportive post for all new mums .

I get that BFing isn’t painful and hard for everyone, but I wish those of us who found it so could talk about without being told “no it doesn’t” or being expected to keep mum so as not to put off potential BFers. My MWs told me it wouldn’t hurt, my mum (big on BFing, BFed us all past a year, took me home from SCBU after a crash section with a plastic cup to hand-express into) told me it wouldn’t hurt.

YES it did fucking hurt, it made me cry getting up at night because my vagina already hurt and now my tit was going to hurt too and DH got to sleep the whole time while I ached and felt alone and resentful.

I know people say FFing helps dads bond, well actually, FFing helped me love DS1 despite my PND, because he didn’t hurt me anymore and I could get on with stuff in another room knowing if he cried for milk DH could share the burden.

OP I have every sympathy with you and I felt totally ashamed that I couldn’t breastfeed my kids beyond 3-4 months. I have two tongue tied babies, terrible latch, oversupply, one super hungry giant boy who has like a bottomless pit and the anxiety and feeling of failure at not being able to breastfeed was absolutely a contributory factor to PnD. Once some people get the knack of breastfeeding it’s just really easy for them. I wish I was that person but my body and mind weren’t up to it no matter how much I tried. I could never feed in public as my kids wouldn’t latch well
And I got all stressed out and I had so many people drs nurses healthy visitors family etc merrily telling me they breastfeed their kids of years/ fed them on the beach/ at drop off etc etc etc that I just needed more support etc etc. All adding to my extreme stress/ sense of failure and being perennially judged. No one and I mean no one said it’s ok to bottle feed and when I started to I was given dirty looks and greeted with silence or questions about how long it took to clean a bottle. The pressure to breastfeed in middle class Britain is excruciating and it wrong. OP I am sending you a hug and supprtoing your choice.

Most babies are hard work and for a strange reason most people you see would comment on how you feed them. They also love to point out the negative aspects on your chosen methord. Instead of impacting on your day positively they feed doubt and worry, by asking silly questions. Or ask a good a question but repeat it again until you are forced to revaluate your answer and defend your choice. For example, 'How do you know when baby is full?' I found this hard when people didn't accept my answer and then ask me the same question few times. Then the questions for when I bottled feed my eldest, 'how long did you last bf him?' What has happened to people ability to frame questions in a positive manner?

Don't feel guilty about what you did to give your child the best positive environment to grow up in. Formula is medicen for some (for either or both mother and baby).

Some people look for an excuse to be bitchy and superior. When you are at your most vulnerable it is like Christmas for them.

but it reduces the odds of a small baby getting an infection by 40% and it reduces the risk of the baby being hospitalised
40% less likely to get an infection if you are breastfed? Really? Would you mind sharing where this fact come from because it is nothing I've read anywhere.

I’m not sure about the 40% stat, and I think pp is talking about colostrum. It prevents infections in newborns, acts as a laxative to expel meconium and boosts the baby’s immune system. It’s magical stuff! Hence why I do think all babies should have the opportunity it’s to have it at birth and I struggle to understand why even a day of breastfeeding isn’t considered by some mothers. But that’s my issue.

Bf didn't stop me developing a massive post natal infection that saw me rehospitalised because midwives were more concerned with my breasts than my ripped up vulva and vagina.

TeddyIsaHe, most babies get that first milk though. The only baby I’ve known who hasn’t was born to someone on a cocktail of medication which ruled out BFing and required blood tests during pregnancy to see how much might be getting to the foetus.

It is about allowing mums to make an informed choice. Bf has countless benefits (actually no, not benefits, it's the biological norm so alternatives have drawbacks) and it is wrong in my view to try and play that down. But we are also lucky to have an alternative if it doesn't work. I try to support any mum who wants to Bf. If they choose to ff that's their choice, i have no particular view on it.

To the pp who said Bf is hard work - i agree, it was fucking hell for me for the first 3-4months with my first. I was lucky that i had the support to allow me to keep going and effectively i haven't stopped since. For my 2 younger kids Bf was much easier probably because things were 'established'. I still Bf my 18months and my 4yrs old. I stopped Bf my oldest when she was 5. I never mention this to people i don't know so no idea if I'd be judged and i don't care.

@swingofthings

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/news-and-research/baby-friendly-research/infant-health-research/infant-health-research-ear-infections/

"Reduced ear infection risk

This study explored the link between breastfeeding and rates of respiratory tract and ear infections in infants up to 12 months old. The authors found that the key risk factors of acute otitis media (AOM) included frequent viral upper respiratory tract infection, pathogenic bacterial colonisation and lack of breastfeeding. They observed that breastfeeding reduced the risk of AOM directly, but also decreased the risk of upper respiratory tract infection, which in itself was linked to AOM."

@love793 processed baby junk food?

Away and google PKU. And come back and tell me breast was best for my child and the formula that made her develop normally was processed baby junk food.

Some people get so sucked in to breast is best they can’t see that sometimes it just isn’t.

I have a child I could never breastfeed. At 8 days that was taken from me. The breast is best makes me want to scream even years later. It isn’t. Not for every child. And that can be because of medical need of the child or medical need of the mother. And there needs to be more understanding of that.

I have 6 children. Only 1 has PKU. I BF the rest and fed one til she was almost 5. I have enough guilt about the PKU which came from me. And her dad. I don’t need any more heaped on me by stupid judgemental people who parrot slogans without thought.

@brookshelley, this research says that bf contributes to a reduction in ear infection amongst. Let's note it says observed, not proved.

I don't debate a direct benefit though, I debate the 40%. Couldn't see that stated but the couldn't read the full research.

I'm not the person who made the 40% claim but you seemed incredulous that there's a link between BF and reduced infections in babies so I posted one link.

@oblada I love your oust. We need to push this 'alternatives to breast milk carry risks' actually it's much less patronising than breast is best anyway

This is where the 40% statistic comes from, see also the conclusion in support: www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/breastfeeding-fights-infection/#conclusion

This is also in at least one NHS pamphlet I was given when pregnant.

“The study found that, after the figures were adjusted for the influence of potential confounders, babies who were exclusively breastfed for six months had fewer episodes of acute respiratory infection (coughs, colds or chest infections) during the first six months of life than partially or non-breastfed babies (42% risk reduction, odds ratio 0.58, 95% confidence interval 0.36 to 0.92). There was also a trend for reduced risk of acute otitis media, gastroenteritis, conjunctivitis and oral thrush, but none of these risk reductions were statistically significant.”

That's the thing, the decision to BF is often a very affirming and empowering thing and the decision to switch to FF very often isn't. If someone shamed me for BF I'd just call to mind the research and all my BF mummy friends and tell them to KYS. If I'd had to reluctantly switch to FF I wouldn't have the same confidence.

This thread is really interesting because it shows there still are divergent views on the benefits of breastfeeding. Maybe more still needs to be done to help mums make an informed choice about choosing to breastfeed vs formula feeding?

It’s such an emotive subject because a lot of mums have no choice and of course it’s utterly wrong for them to be shamed or made to feel guilty for bottle feeding.

That's the thing, the decision to BF is often a very affirming and empowering thing and the decision to switch to FF very often isn't.

I think that's very dependent on circumstances, really. If your child isn't gaining weight well or seems unsettled and people all around you are telling you that formula is the answer I imagine it doesn't feel very affirming or empowering. That wasn't me - through sheer luck, nothing else - but I know people who were really made to doubt whether they were doing the right thing for their child by breastfeeding. Again I think we're in danger of underplaying how much support breastfeeders can need. I really don't want that to be a competition with formula feeders, though - they can (and doubtless do) both need help and it shouldn't ever be an either/or.

That's the thing, the decision to BF is often a very affirming and empowering thing and the decision to switch to FF very often isn't. If someone shamed me for BF I'd just call to mind the research and all my BF mummy friends and tell them to KYS. If I'd had to reluctantly switch to FF I wouldn't have the same confidence.

Oops, posted too soon! I intended to highlight the above and agree with it!