To think mums using formula are shamed more than breastfeeding mums?

[Mumtoboy123]

Before having children i didnt realise how big of an issue this seems to be. Everywhere you go you hear "breast is best" and yes, this is the case for some, however, i had my son 7 weeks ago and i was never too fussed about breastfeeding. I knew it would hurt, take a lot of time to get right and i would be the sole provider of feeding day and night. I knew that for me, this was a lot of pressure, that i would rather DH have the chance to feed DS and get that connection with him and we could face night feeds as a team. I also suffer from chronic fatigue and knew 2 hourly BF by myself would kill me or cause low feeling and possible PND.
When DS was born, i was rushed to surgery following the birth. Before this happened, because i felt i had to, id said i wanted to try and breastfeed for the first few days of colostrum at least. This meant that while i was being prepped for surgery, a midwife was 'panic expressing' in an attempt to get DS to latch on. Quite traumatic. DH then had to give DS a bottle while surgery took so long and we carried on from there.
Since having DS ive had aot of people assuming im breastfeeding, ignoring me saying im formula feeding and continuing to tell me their BF stories and advice, and i get funny looks wherever i bottle feed out of the house, especially at mum groups.
Surely feeding my child in the best way that suits our family is better than BF and my bond with DS suffering because of the hardship, or worse, not feeding at all?! There seems to be a lot of focus on supporting BF mums because of the opinions related to getting breast out in public but no support for those who have chosen to formula feed for whatever reason, if anything, when you say you are formula feeding you get a bit of a look and an "oh right" comment... then a silence. Its got to the point where i see another formula feeding mum in costa and i want to run up to her and high-5 her!!
Just to clarify... i have nothing against Breastfeeding at all... especially in public.

F1annel I’ve honestly never know anyone who is so hard of understanding.

Bf mothers provide the nutrition to the patients on the paediatric wards. To not feed them would be akin to refusing ff babies formula.

How is that so hard to actually get?

Omg! If the nhs is paying for formula (that’s money straight into the pocket of large multinational companies that STILL have very shady practices promoting formula both in developing countries and here, the actual product costs pennies to produce) for their formula fed patients and then feeding those patients mothers too then they are paying much more per patient than feeding one b/f mother, and that would be unfair too. Providing formula and food for b/f mum is fair when it comes down to the base line of cost. It is not a moral judgement on formula, how is this hard to grasp?

If you think this is true, why do you think the NHS tries to promote breastfeeding?

Because the WHO promotes breastfeeding.

Very few studies have been able to show the long term benefits of breastfeeding, if there are any, for obvious reasons. That is correct. It will always be impossible to study because of millions of other confounding factors in an adults life. However it is largely better for infants, for all the protective reasons/microbiome/ antibacterial, we all know them. It’s also protective for mothers. These are simple facts.

Yes, if you go looking then you will find evidence to support either way of feeding, but the truth is that there is in fact very little difference between breast milk and formula in the developed world.

You can’t actually be serious???

Have you seen the components of breast milk compared to the ingredients of formula?

Nor do I think breastfeeding should be seen as some sort of inherent smug assault on formula feeding.

From my personal experience I have found many FF mothers view my BF as exactly that - a smug assault on their choices. There have been many times where I'm BF my baby or hauling my pump to express at work, and a FF mother has unprompted given me a long explanation about her reasons for not BF. I didn't ask...so why are they telling me this? I can imagine that being forced into this conversation, if I had a less than enthusiastic response, someone may have interpreted that as my being judgemental. When really, I'm just uninterested.

In my own experience (2 babies who both ended up FF), 'shamed' is too strong a word. I agree the various medical teams encourage you very strongly to breastfeed in those first few weeks, (and can be a bit purist about the whole thing!) and I can sort of see why. But I was never told off or made to feel the least bit bad when switching to formula. I found strangers/friends/family didn't really say anything either way.

There's probably some criticism out there of BFing too, I just think being confident (and politely assertive!) about your own choices goes a long way in making sure others don't feel they have any room to intervene.

Bf also helps Space children in developing countries , another reason it’s pronoted by WHO, which filters down to NHS policy. But once other socio-economic factors are controlled for, it’s not possible to tell which child in (In a country like the UK) was BF and which was FF, there is no provable difference.

For balance I BFd then mixed fed dd1, and am pregnant again and will BF this baby if I it “works out” (lots of factors there), but that’s mainly for convenience and to save money. If it doesn’t work out with effort and support , I’ll FF and know that my child will turn out just the same!

@shazafied there are many proven benefits to breastfeeding in the west. The nhs says:

• Breastfed babies have a lower chance of SIDS and childhood leukaemia
• Breast milk protects your baby from infections as you give your baby natural (germ killing) antibodies through breast milk. These antibodies help your baby fight infections like tummy bugs, diarrhoea, colds and chest and ear infections.
• It's much easier to digest than formula.
• Breastfed babies are less likely to develop diabetes, or become overweight when they are older.
• Reduces the risk of allergies: If there's a family history of allergies, there's a chance your baby will develop some too. Breastfeeding your baby for the first 6 months is the best way to lower the risk of your baby developing allergies.

-Protects your health: There are health benefits for you too - breastfeeding lowers your risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, osteoporosis (weak bones), diabetes and cardiovascular disease (conditions affecting the heart or blood vessels).

www.nhs.uk/start4life/baby/breastfeeding

HTH

Yes to be fair the make-up of breastmilk is completely different to formula - it contains living things that just cannot be replicated. Formula is basically processed skimmed milk with added fats, minerals and vitamins. Breastmilk contains white blood cells, antibodies, stem cells, hormones, beneficial bacteria, long chain fatty acids, enzymes and tons of other stuff that changes and adapts to whatever the baby needs via their saliva.

This isn’t shaming! Formula is a life-saving invention, but you cannot say that there is very little difference between breast and formula milk in the developed world.

Whoops, typos, stupid iPhone.

I never said that BM and formula were the same, that would be silly, I said “your child will turn out just the same.

And posting links to Startfotlife, who promote BF, well of course they are going to list the benefits ! This is not surprising.

From my personal experience I have found many FF mothers view my BF as exactly that - a smug assault on their choices. There have been many times where I'm BF my baby or hauling my pump to express at work, and a FF mother has unprompted given me a long explanation about her reasons for not BF.

I've found this too - and although it makes me feel a bit defensive sometimes, especially when they come out with the 'but my husband has such a better bond with the baby', I do normally try (I failed near the start of the thread!) to be kind and think that they're expressing their own feelings, not actively trying to make me feel bad.

Meh. We're switching to mixed feeding soon as we're doing shared parental leave (another thing that seems to make everyone around me simultaneously judgemental and defensive - I don't care that you couldn't afford it, and nor do I need to hear that you could never leave your baby!) so I guess then I can sit outside both camps?! (Or get judged by both...)

Sorry, bold fail in post above! Whole first paragraph is a quote from another poster.

And posting links to Startfotlife, who promote BF, well of course they are going to list the benefits ! This is not surprising.

Ah. If you're dismissing all information on the benefits of breastfeeding because 'they would say that' then I'm not surprised you think there are none! But again, who is this 'they'? Who benefits or profits from women breastfeeding (it's very clear who profits from them not), and so is seeking to promote it with false information?

The children I know with the most health problems have all been bf. Allergies, cancers, the lot.

It’s anecdotal evidence on my part but for my experiences there are as many who will tell you that the majority of children they know with health problems were ff.

The countries with the higher infant mortality rates are countries with higher BF rates than our own.People uphold this notion that it’s possible for any woman to BF, and yet in the developing world babies still die because their mothers are unable to bf. But we cannot possibly talk about that can we?

And by the time your baby is a toddler no-one will care how it was fed. When the child grows up it will only care if you’ve instilled it with issues from your own feelings of inadequacy. No-one asks an adult whether they were bf or ff when they present with cancer/allergies etc because by that point it is entirely irrelevant.

Ultimately the only thing which matters is that you feed your child. If you wish to bf then absolutely that support should be in place. But if you are unable to then this equally needs to be acknowledged.

A colleague of DP’s is pregnant for the first time and because we just had a baby three weeks ago, she has been talking to him a lot about baby things. She told him last week she won’t be breastfeeding because it is her first and she ‘won’t have enough milk’ . DP won’t tell her on my behalf but I am honestly dying to inform her that’s really not how the human body works. She must have heard that myth somewhere though...

Lots of myths circulate about breastfeeding and it deters women from doing it. Just the other day a FTM posted on the pregnancy board asking whether breastfed babies sleep less and that was a pro/con she was weighing up. I literally wrote “newborns aren’t generally renowned for sleeping well however they’re fed” because it’s true- no one should expect lots of sleep with a baby.

The NHS is obliged to push the breast is best message because we have such a low breastfeeding uptake in this country. I was on a c-section ward with three other women and I was the only one BFing. They had elective sections like me so no traumatic delivery, they just chose to FF from the off. Many women do, my own Mother did when I was born.

The NHS actually haven’t been great with me breastfeeding this time around and I’ve had formula pushed on me more times than I care to mention- once by a consultant whilst I was BFing DS beside a ‘breast is best’ poster . They need to improve if anything, certainly in my area formula is more the norm.

The places with the highest infant mortality rates also have no vaccination programs, poor hygiene, no easy access to hospitals or doctors, poor nutrition generally. Breastfeeding is an absolutely minimal part of why there are high infant deaths, and to allude to that is ridiculous.

The countries with the higher infant mortality rates are countries with higher BF rates than our own

Almost definitely nothing to do with breastfeeding. Probably more to do with the fact the Mother’s are dehydrated and starving so have insufficient or a malnourished milk supply. Or maybe they’re dying due to a virus carried from the Mother or one they catch shortly after birth due to poor hygiene.

Also my DC are never ill and have zero allergies, all breastfed. Definitely anecdotal ‘evidence’ from me as that is from you.

I've been breastfeeding for 9 months and don't love it! I am waiting for 12 months to go cow's milk. Breastfeeding support groups seem OTT and never want to stop this beautiful thing... That I don't find beautiful 9/10 times. I don't have many baby friends and I do think half of it is feeding related as people do feel judged if I breastfeed around them and try to explain why it didn't work for them when in reality I don't care how they feed their baby! I'm tired and would rather talk about anything else!

I do find a lot of the BF myths depressing. The NHS would do better with a campaign that debunks them than the current pushy approach.

The NHS would do better with a campaign that debunks them than the current pushy approach.

Yes, that would be good!

It’s anecdotal evidence on my part but for my experiences there are as many who will tell you that the majority of children they know with health problems were ff.

Yes, and then there's actual evidence, which beats random women's anecdotes

It's a bit like how everyone always seems to have a great uncle who smokes 50 a day and lived to 90 and then there is actual data about the effects of smoking.